


dont you think its boring how people talk

by itiswhatitisbutterfly



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, F/M, First Time, Gossip Girl AU, High School AU, M/M, Outing, and for harry styles to say im harry styles, and to use blind gossips as gg blasts, limo sex, or more so just an excuse for me to combine my two otps, the eleanor/louis and eleanor/zayn is super minor dont worry relax
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-05
Updated: 2014-07-30
Packaged: 2017-12-31 14:10:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 50,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1032606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itiswhatitisbutterfly/pseuds/itiswhatitisbutterfly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em> "The only thing worse than being talked about, is not being talked about." - Oscar Wilde</em><br/>Louis' girlfriend sleeps with his best friend which ruins his summer and maybe his life. Louis sells his soul to the devil in the back of a limo and maybe makes things even worse.<br/>Gossip Girl AU in which Louis and Harry are the king and the queen and everyone else, well they form the Non Judging Breakfast Club.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic, as stated in the tags, is an excuse for me to combine my two favourite things. First thing, you don't need to have watched the show you just need to like rich kids with problems. Second, all side pairings and very minor, Harry/Louis is the focus here (sorry if you were looking for something else!) 
> 
> Hopefully it will be 25 chapters, that is the plan! If it changes I'll put it in the notes. Also if I haven't updated in a while send me a message on tumblr because it works in guilt tripping me. I do try and be as regular as possible. 
> 
> Soundtrack: http://8tracks.com/hannahjulie/dont-you-think-its-boring-how-people-talk  
> Tag: http://itiswhatitisbutterfly.tumblr.com/tagged/gg-au
> 
> title via lorde - tennis court

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zayn returns and Harry is confusing.

The summer had been long and drawn out, Louis contemplated on the eve of the new school year. It had been painfully long and bare in heat and in boredom. It was the type of summer that felt never ending, in the worst possible way. There were of course two reasons for this.

The first being, that his best friend and life partner in crime Zayn had left town without a single goodbye. Louis had just awoken one morning during the first week and never heard from him again. And with that single moment he was gone and no matter how many emails or texts Louis sent it was like he had simply been erased from his life. Of course his mother had told Louis mother who had told him and so forth that Zayn had wanted a new start and was now attending summer school in the South of France on his own accord. It was entirely odd, because that wasn’t Zayn at all. Well, not the one that Louis knew and loved. That Zayn would be here partying it up tonight, dancing on the tables and pouring champagne down Louis throat. That Zayn would have spent the summer in the Hamptons lounging in the pool and running through the sprinklers on the golf course and getting high under the flood lit tennis courts. He would have been the one by Louis side. He would have made sure that Louis had a good summer that was long in the best way. But apparently that Zayn disappeared, because as his mother had put it, “he was _thriving_ ” and “so _cultured_ now” and she was “so utterly _proud_.” And Instead of spending the summer with his best friends Louis had spent it with a Zayn shaped hole etched into every memory.

Louis missed him terribly. But also hated him terribly therefore would not mention his name and avoided the topic at all costs. And that bought him to the second reason his summer had been such a bust. His relationship was apparently falling apart beneath him. If Louis Tomlinson was the brightest young thing in New York City under the age of 18 then Eleanor Calder was the female equal to this. She was bred well, related to the Vanderbilt’s and her parents good wealthy old money. But she lacked everything else. Sure, she could hold well on a lacrosse field and she was always dressed perfectly and preppy. But she didn’t challenge Louis in anyway. She didn’t care for anything really other than swiping her credit card and contently living off her parents for the rest of her life. While Louis did live off his parents he was very much determined that he was a lot more than that, he had people to impress and prove wrong. Normally it would be fine, they worked it out and they had been doing so since forever ago. They were of course Louis and Eleanor, the golden couple and the benchmark for everyone else. But this summer had turned everything around. She was utterly distant and vacant one day, then forcing herself onto Louis the next demanding they finally sleep together. It didn’t make sense.

As it goes Louis had planned to sleep with Eleanor for the first time during the first week of summer. They had been waiting forever and that was the date they had agreed on. As Eleanor had said it was just the right time, it would feel right. But when the night came she refused, stating she wasn’t ready and didn’t think he was. It was odd, because they had been planning it for so long. It was her idea. And ever since then the switching had begun. She would be adamant to wait one day and trying it the next but still eventually making some excuse if things go too far. But Louis wanted it to be his choice so he had made up his mind. It was off the table entirely. He needed it to be perfect; this wasn’t something you just do. If Louis wanted his life to turn out the way he had planned it couldn’t just make irrational choices, things had to be measured and calculated. This was one of those things, if him and Eleanor were going to work in the long run they had to plan it in every way possible. He couldn't afford to try and float through life like Zayn. He was waiting and ever since he had told her that she hadn’t been seen. She turned up at the right events at his side. Yet other than that the relationship had become distant and she was merely a shell of his former lovely girlfriend.

Oh, and to add to the mess his father had left his mother for another man.

Louis straightened his tie and checked his fringe in the mirror above the sink. It totally had been a fucked up summer. But he looked good, he always did. Louis didn’t want to be hosting this party. But alas it was his duty, and his mother’s expectation. He did a last take and picked up his phone which was sitting on the counter just beside the framed picture of Zayn, Niall, Liam and Harry. He frowned at that. It just wasn’t the same anymore, those were supposed to be the people he trusted most but he had never felt so isolated from them. It wasn’t just that Zayn had left something else had happened under the surface he wasn’t just admitting it to himself yet. Louis opened the phone and checked his unread message.

_“Travelling in Different Directions? Oh this boy and his girlfriend”_

He didn’t want to read it and he wanted to throw the phone and forget it but it was like an addiction wanting to know. Louis quickly scanned the message update. It mostly didn’t make sense and he couldn’t pin point exactly what it was trying to tell him, or what she was trying to say.

_“....Especially not this couple. They look like they are together. But they really aren’t. And they are very tired of each other. Lots of bickering and complaining taking place in private. They won’t make it to the end of the year as a couple. XOXO Gossip Girl”_

He frowned slightly. He really hoped Eleanor didn’t read that.

“Louis?”

Louis took a step back and quickly pocked the phone. He honestly didn’t care what people thought especially not some mindless gossip blogger and he didn’t want anyone to think he did.

He turned towards the door and saw Harry making his way into the room. He looks like well, Harry. He has the ever present smirk and that god awful scarf going on. Always the charmer Louis would tease. But it was true there was nothing quite like him, ask any girl or boy for that matter throughout New York. He could insult you but make you feel like you deserved it all while pulling you in compliment after compliment. And pushing you straight under the water to hold himself up. But to Louis he was Harry. And to Harry he was Louis.The ever present and ever constant. While Zayn had left, and Eleanor had changed he didn’t. And that was a comfort. He was exactly the same, shamelessly flirty and challenging. But overall his equal, even if neither of them would want to admit it. While Harry could insult anyone in the room and push them under to pull himself up he would never dare try Louis. Probably because he knows him too well, knows that it would end badly.

“Your mother sent me to look for you. I would advise you to come join the party.” He drawled out with an incredible amount of effort placed on staring Louis down. Louis noted he was probably drunk already. That was scotch wasn’t it.

“Or what? She is going to kill me, not likely that is not-“ He retorted back stepping forward and making his way toward the door.

“Proper edict.”

Louis turns slightly to glare at him. “I was going to say that is not how Tomlinson’s do it.”

“How do Tomlinson’s do it?” He leered at Louis with what was probably some form wink and a certain lick of the corner of his parted and lips.

“Don’t do that Louis,” He continued, pushing his fisted hand gently at Louis’ forearm. “I know you think it’s funny. I know you think I’m funny. And charming.”

“You’re a mess Harry. Now that isn’t proper edict, getting drunk in the first hour of the party.” Louis took a step back and toward the door. He actually had to get out of here not because of Harry but more so his mother.

Harry straightened himself seemingly taking Louis words to heart, did his bottom button up of his blazer and ran a few fingers through his hair. “I can do what I want to. I’m Harry Styles.”

He was an actual idiot. But it was exactly what Louis needed and what he had needed for these past few months. Because while Zayn was in god knows where and Eleanor was acting like she couldn’t make eye contact with anyone and Niall and Liam and everyone else in his life had fucked up Harry was there. A fuck up in his own right, but there nonetheless. He was the one who forced him out of bed and to eat something (and not throw it up) the one who danced on the tables and through the sprinklers. He was the one who forced Liam and Niall out and reminded them that even with Zayn they were still best friends. It pained Louis but he realised Harry probably needed them just as much as he did, and was probably falling apart just as badly. And Louis didn’t know why, because Harry was always nice but this summer he had just been really nice. He one who said fuck them all and reminded Louis that they would come around. And life would work its way out, it always did especially for Louis Tomlinson.

Harry looked a little bit more sober now as he stared at Louis trying to read what he was thinking.

“It is going to be alright Lou don’t worry.”

He sounds like he is going to continue but Louis didn’t want to hear it so he cuts him off, “Is Eleanor out there?”

“I think so, I mean I didn’t-“

He is cut off again but by something a lot louder. It’s a name and some shouting. It’s someone saying Zayn. Louis doesn’t think he just does, it most things in life and in the moment. He turns and opens the door without question leaving everything behind. He steps out and it greeted with none other than Zayn staring back at him from down the hall. He is about to raise his hand or move his feet or something just anything really when Eleanor pretty much jumps straight into Zayn’s arms. It is a blur of long brown hair and limbs that leaves Louis standing at the end of the hall just meters away but feeling more distant than ever before. He isn’t jealous. He trusts her and he trust him. It’s not like he doesn’t remember. They are all best friends aren’t they. And he doesn’t realize he isn’t moving until Harry steps beside him and smirking ever so slightly. It pulls him back into reality and his mind screams, _why do you think you know me so well?_ And why does it feel like there is more to this than I am being told?

“Darling! Why didn’t you say Zayn was coming?” His mother asks ever so politely in front of the guests, it is thinly laced with emotions that Louis has no time to read at the present time. He can see Zayn trying to pull Eleanor off him, and searching for someone in the crowd.

“I-I just wanted it to be a surprise for everyone.”

He fumbled he knows but no one really catches it they are far too caught up in Zayn. But of course Harry is there leaning against the door frame nodding along as if he too knew this was happening. Louis stares at him and he leans his scotch glass up to his mouth parting his lips and taking it back. He winks again and Louis wants to kill him and everyone in this room. But that really isn’t the Tomlinson way, instead he turns from Harry and tries to fix this mess of a party. He conscious ringing out loudly that everything is about to fall apart once and for all and for some reason Harry Styles knows exactly why and is taunting him with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can find me at tumblr here http://itiswhatitisbutterfly.tumblr.com/ (◕‿◕✿)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth comes out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> still avoiding studying even though my exam is tomorrow yea i wrote this instead oops enjoy

Zayn’s arrival the night before had been dramatic, his whole fifteen minutes at the party had been and his exit without much of an excuse was just as irritating.

Louis had of course been utterly completely pleasant and friendly. He had greeted him with a hug and a pat on the back that might not have been reciprocated but nonetheless it wasn’t that terrible. But when Louis had told him he could switch up the place settings and fit him in Zayn had protested and that was that. He had only come to look for his parents and try not be sneaky about it. Not to see his best friend. Well, he didn’t say that to Louis but it was implied. And it hurt. Because leaving was bad and coming back without saying anything was cruel but not thinking about their friendship in any of this just cemented how temporary Louis was in his life. So just as quickly as he arrived he left telling his friends he would see them at school tomorrow.

It was so Zayn, and that is what made Louis this angriest. 

Now he stood uniform on, coffee in hand outside St.Judes awaiting the first day of the school year. Normally he wouldn’t be this early but he wanted a monopoly on his friends, he needed them and he needed them on his side. Some might say that is slightly controlling but to Louis and everyone else it’s just normal. So while he waited for Niall and Liam to arrive he hatched up his plan.

Zayn wasn’t just allowed to leave his life unexpectedly and ruin his summer without explanation and pretend things were normal. You can't walk in and out of lives like that. People aren’t allowed to think that is okay, people can’t go around thinking Louis Tomlinson likes being walked all over. Or that it is acceptable to turn up at parties uninvited. He has a reputation to uphold. And if he is being honest with himself, he has a broken heart. 

Niall arrives with some girl on his arm as usual, who has to be side eyed by Louis before she gets the hint to leave. Liam arrives with coffee for Louis as usual which is a shame because he already has one. Louis just had to roll his eyes and deal with it, of course these two would ignore him all summer and then come crawling back as soon as they remembered they were nothing without him around here. He didn’t expect any less.

“Why didn’t you tell us Zayn was coming back?” Niall questions with intriguing curiosity after they have exchanged awkward greetings.

Louis yanks the coffee out of Liam’s hand and replaces it with his almost empty cup. Today feels like one of those days.

“It was supposed to be a surprise. You might have known if you actually talked to me this summer.”

Liam looks taken back, “We did. You know I had the internship thing though, I mean if I want to get into Yale I need-“

“You aren’t going to Yale. I’m going to Yale.” Louis interrupts.

He doesn’t have time to deal with this. He doesn’t have the patience either. He turns from his friends and starts to make his way into the hallowed halls reminding himself that he needs to not be so caught up all of this drama and childish behaviour. He has the perfect life, the perfect friends and girlfriend. The almost perfect family minus a few things. And this year is going to be perfect.

Louis feels in control as soon as he walks the steps into St.Jude’s, he can feel everyone staring at him in the best way possible. It is great to be admired and more so feared. He doesn’t even fault when he spots Zayn. But he does skip a heart beat when he spots something else. Eleanor leaning slightly up against the lockers, she looks deep in thought listing to what Zayn is saying to her. Her mouth is slightly parted and her hand on her hip.

Zayn has his back to Louis and can’t see him but Eleanor can. She only notices Louis after a few seconds of awkward staring on his part. It is like every part of Louis brain is setting off alarm bells and screaming at him to open his eyes or do something. But he is too proud and self serving. His therapist once told him he does this thing where if something doesn’t seem to be fitting the narrative of his life he has planned out he has the uncanny ability to push it out and ignore it until it gets so bad he has to deal with it or it just disappears. He doesn’t think that is one of those situations. He is completely sure everything is fine.

Eleanor leaves the leather clad Zayn (honestly Louis reprimands internally this is private school you are going to get asked to leave) and sort of shuffles her way over to Louis. Her normal confidence gone, the girl who had been walking these halls last year seems to have been replaced. This time last year Eleanor would have been his right hand girl, his best friend and new girlfriend. Now she won’t look him in the eyes and seems to have forgotten that they are all supposed to be best friends. This time last year Louis wasn’t attempting to rule this school on his own, he had his best friend on one side and his girlfriend on the other. Plus Harry loitering around for Louis assistance in important scheming matters. But the point was they were a team. And what the fuck happened.

“Morning, Sorry about flaking out last night, and this morning I guess. I would have met you I just sort of had some stuff to clear up.” She goes in for the cheek kiss and Louis holds her back smiling.

“It’s fine. Totally fine. Look, tonight we should go out. Actually, no tonight we should stay in.”

Eleanor’s face lights up at that. Which is a good sign, and a light goes off in Louis head. He takes her hand in his and links their fingers together. She doesn’t seem too bothered by it and smiles back. Her fingers however tell a different story, they barely fit into his.

“I’ll make tonight special. I have the house to myself you should come over.”

He is waiting for her to say no but she agrees with a coy smile and a kiss on the cheek. He doesn’t say it but he knows what she is thinking and he is thinking it as well. They are going to go all the way tonight. He is going to sleep with her and not panic or freak out, it is going to be fine. And she won’t freak out like last time and the time before that. Louis watches her leave as she rushes off to her side of the building and he uses his shaking hands to take his books out of his locker. It is a bit overwhelming but he doesn’t dig deeper. There is no need to question why this is making him feel sick. He loves her and this is totally normal love feelings right.

  
Louis is fine and he closes the locker. But not before checking his vibrating phone out of habit. He should ignore it and let it be, but he can’t.

_“Two Hotties are Interested In One: These two boys are (or were?) super close, have been friends for years. They are both adorable but sorry they are only interested in one other person! Bad luck for us, and for them because as far as I have been told it’s the same girl.”_

Louis isn’t paranoid and he isn’t in denial. He pockets his phone and is met by the image of Zayn and Harry staring back at him. As if today couldn’t be any more irritating. Zayn has this face on that looks utterly apologetic and his face says I miss you let’s go for a smoke and talk. While Harry on the other hand looks like he is eating Louis’ failure out of the palm of his hand. He winks, it’s slow and with eye contact that is lasting way too long. As if it couldn’t be worse he is also holding on his phone knowingly. Louis grits his teeth and searches for Liam and Niall who seem to have abandoned him in the hall. He raises his chin out and breaks the eye contact he has no time for this. Everything is fine anyway.

When did they all start taking sides? What happened to the five of them?

 

Eleanor arrived on time as per usual, with a bottle of champagne stolen from her parents liquor cabinet with a nonchalant shrug and a ‘they won’t notice its gone’ It kind of warms Louis heart. She tells him about her day as they lie on his bed staring at the roof and how she had to reprimand some new girls about the fact that tights are not pants. It makes Louis giggle and want to hug her. So he does and then she just doesn’t feel the same anymore. He likes it better when she just talks and laughs, he liked it better before she was like this. Eleanor clears her throat and sits up. If Louis wasn’t such a masochist he would have done something but instead he just lies back further and keeps his eyes locked on the chandelier.

Eleanor places her hand on his and takes on last drink from the bottle. He can feel her hand shaking. This definitely wasn’t how this night was supposed to go. He was supposed to be finally losing his virginity, Louis emphasises the finally internally as he breaks contact with the ceiling. The mood has gone from fun to serious in a second.

“Lou. I need to be honest with you” Her voice is breaking and it scares him. “I haven’t been honest. I just- look I need-“

She lies back down with a groan. Eleanor Calder the queen of being honest, who would tell you she hated your entire existence without blinking couldn’t just fucking tell him what was going on.

“It can’t be that bad El.”

“Louis, I slept with Zayn”

Louis kind of wishes she would just stop at that. But he tries to speak and he can’t, nothing comes out so he just listens. He had never experienced a moment like this where he had nothing to say and its kind of weird.

“I slept with him at the Sheppard wedding. I didn’t go out the back to get water with him. Well, I did but I had sex with him on the bar. I am so sorry. Lou I am sorry. I so sorry- I made him leave- Ruined everything.”

She is crying and not making any sense. Louis sits up and stares her down.

“What the fuck Eleanor.”

“I didn’t mean for it-“

“You waited all summer- Oh god you are only telling me this because he came back,” and now Louis is the one not making sense.

“No, I was just waiting-“

“Just stop. Leave.”

“Louis! please," she says with pleading eyes and she scrambles on the bed towards him. She is pushed away quickly and Louis hops off and walks away.

“You had sex with my best friend while we were waiting to sleep together and failed to mention it the entire summer.” He is totally shouting now, not that it matters no one is home.

“Louis."

“Just leave. I don’t want to see you, I don’t want to have to look at you.”

He points to the door because honestly he doesn’t want to. He never wants to look at Eleanor Calder or Zayn Malik ever again. He wishes there was a way in which he could erase them entirely from his memory. If he could go back in time to when their parents met he would do it and stop it, if it meant preventing this moment right here. He doesn’t cry. He watches her grab her shoes and sob relentlessly. She makes a small weak effort to come closer to him but steps back.

“Just go.”

And she does saying sorry about a hundred times. Just like that and just like Zayn had, she disappears. Only then in the silence of his almost empty penthouse does he allow himself to cry. Louis lies on the bed and just lets go. He punches the sheets and tries to get more champagne out of the bottle. And then he just feels sorry for himself and he wants the truth. God he wants it to be explained to him. He wants Zayn’s head on a platter. But he doesn’t want to look him in the eyes for he fears he actually might do something stupid. Louis paces through the house to try calm down.

So he agrees in some sort of state of grief and alcohol induced state that he will go to the next best thing.

“Bring the car around I am going out."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that is the last of the elounor we can all breathe now


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe Harry does have a heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my exams are done (!!) which means my summer project (this!) is now my main priorty yaay enjoy the glorious harry and louis here!  
> (highlights include references to chucks famous quote about loving nate and money cause who doesn't love some chate loving shipping oops, references if i was your man i wouldnt need clues to find you (OR RAVISH ME IM SURE) and so this is your bed huh?)

In the large scheme of things turning up to see someone late on a Monday night probably isn’t the nicest thing to do. However considering Harry Styles and his habits, Louis Tomlinson doubted he would be doing anything super productive that couldn’t be interrupted by this pressing issue. He was also pretty sure he had seen him leave school early on the first day anyway, most likely to use his time doing nothing useful.

The hotel concierge with tidy black hair and the perfectly pressed uniform greets Louis like any normal one would, friendly and looking to be as helpful as possible, “Welcome to the Palace Hotel. May I be of assistance to you?”

“I was just-“, he starts and then stops, “Do you know if Harry Styles is in?”

She looked back hesitantly, right okay this question probably gets asked a lot.

“It’s Louis Tomlinson, Sorry I should have introduced myself,” he holds on his hand but she doesn’t take it.

“I just want to know if he is here.”

Instead she drawls out, “Okay, right then.”

“He knows who I am, so don’t worry.”

She hesitantly picks up the phone and calls what Louis can only assume is Harry’s suite, or house whatever Louis is slightly preoccupied by trying not to break down in the Palace Hotel’s lobby in front of what he is assuming are foreign diplomats checking out next to him.

She lets it ring a few times with no answer before placing it down again with no luck. And then Louis realised maybe he could have called Harry first. He also could have worn better pants. But it wasn’t his fault he is in a state of emergency.

“He isn’t in the Styles’ Suite. That is probably the best I can do for you sorry.”

“Thanks. I should probably just call him I guess.”

Her face sort of says it all. And Louis feels slightly guilty, but really it isn’t his fault.

He turns and steps to the side away from the desk. He calls Harry and internally demands him to pick up. He lets it ring until he hears someone on the other end, the someone drops it and then makes a lot of noise moving about.

“Harry.”

“’Ello yea, What?”

“Where are you?”

“What? Home. Wait, Lou?” he answers. Also that is definitely someone laughing in the background.

“I don’t have time for this Styles. Room number?”

“1812 Tomlinson. Shit, are you here?”

“It’s an emergency.”

He takes the phone from his ear and says to the assistant, “1812.”

When he places it back to his ear he can hear Harry swearing and kicking someone out of his room. That is always super fun to listen too.

“You better not be pulling some shit on me Tomlinson.”

“I know okay, I know everything,” and Louis might hang up on that and take the swipe card.

He turns up here once because he had what he definitely would have called an emergency which may have involved watching Titanic and crying and it gets held against him every time.

He takes the elevator and walks down the hall quickly. The first thing he does when Harry opens the door, half dressed is thump him against the chest.

“Why aren’t you in your room? Why aren’t you at home? Huh?” Louis demands, he probably looks like a small tiny animal threatening something much larger than him. Which to be far is what he is doing. He punctuates each question with a shove. If there is one thing Louis does in this friendship is that he holds his own.

“Ouch,” Harry shields himself and takes a step back. He looks so stupid, and Louis notes he is totally smiling at him and his attack.

Louis closes the door behind him and finds the room empty. It looks like his friend did have time to make a quick escape then.

Harry doesn’t seem to be answering the question so Louis raises his hands and stares him down, “Answer me Styles.”

“I dunno’, I hate it up there all alone and everything. Too big," Harry seems to be avoiding eye contact with the answer. But to actually get an answer that isn’t something along the lines of ‘people get more impressed in this room than those rooms’ is something good.

Louis reminds himself he is only asking because he knew it was that, and that is probably the same excuse as to why he isn’t sitting at home right now. Empty huge houses can be worse than cloned hotel rooms that all look the same. 

It is a bit awkward Harry standing there without a shirt on so he shuffles around trying to find one on the floor while Louis awkwardly perches himself on the end of the bed.

It is more awkward though when he takes a deep breath and wills himself to say, “She told me. She told me and I kicked her out.”

Harry pulls his head out front under the shirt just in time, his messy curls over his eyes and his arms stretched wide. He fixes his hair and then his gaze on Louis.

“Good. I have being trying to get her to do that.”

Louis replies to that with a look of annoyance. Harry Styles is a fucking jerk. Why did he come here?

“I mean fuck, I have being trying to convince both of them to be honest. It isn’t good and I didn’t mean it like that. It’s a fucking mess.”

“Of course you knew." If anybody knew anything it was Harry Styles.

“It wasn’t mine to tell-“

“Is that why you treated me like this all summer? Like a project? Something to watch out for? To look after? I was the charity case wasn't I.”

It’s supposed to sound angry and confronting, but it comes out more vulnerable and Louis doesn't even know why he is saying it.

Harry looks taken back. He steps forward and he seems to contemplate sitting down on the bed as well but changes his mind. He is in limbo between want he wants to do and what he knows Louis doesn’t want him to do.

“You’re my friend Louis. God, you’re my friend and he is my best friend as well okay. We were all best friends. I felt responsible. I feel responsible.”

“Who else knows?”

“It’s only me.”

“Let’s keep it that way. I don’t understand why were Liam and Niall acting so weird if they didn’t know?”

It is only now that Harry steps forward and sits down next to Louis. He keeps his distance though. It is a safe space between them on the bed forced by confusion and broken trust.

“I think they convinced themselves that you did something to make Zayn leave.”

It should make it better or something but it doesn’t. Louis lays back and lets his head drop onto the blankets and his feet dangle off the end.

“How did you find out?”

“You don’t want to know, seriously,” Louis isn’t looking at him but can tell he is smiling and probably on the verge of laughing.

“I want to know everything.”

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” Harry replies as he joins Louis by lying back on the bed.

“At the Sheppard wedding reception, I admittedly drunk quite a bit so when Eleanor and Zayn said they were going to get water, you know to sober up, I decided to go with them only I guess I took a couple of seconds-“

Louis is trying not to laugh but Harry stares him down, he can’t help it if he is giggling into the back of his palm.

“Sorry, it’s just you were really drunk. I’ll stop.”

“As I was saying, I took a bit longer to process my thoughts and then I followed them. I think I got lost, shit I don’t know that bit is a bit blurred. The point is I almost walked into the back bar but stopped cause I could see them through the glass. And they were fully going for it on the bar. I may have taken a picture-“

“Who the catches their best friends cheating on their other best friend has the first reaction to takes a picture?” Louis can’t control it anymore he just laughs maybe to stop himself from crying, it’s a fine line.

Harry smirks at him and corrects him with a gentle nudge to the shoulder, “Harry Styles does. Stop interrupting.”

“I took a picture and went back to find you. But you were gone. I went to confront Zayn about it the next day but he was gone. So I did the next best thing, which was Eleanor who was adamant she would be honest and tell you. But I waited and she was all talk, saying she shouldn’t have to do this without Zayn and what point would it make other than making things worse.”

The two of them just lay there for a while. Louis doesn’t want to talk.

Louis knows what else needs to be tacked onto the end of that description but he doesn’t say it or comment on it. It is just that Harry at that point must have made sure to look after Louis, or at least keep him company. Or maybe he thought his presence around Louis and subsequently Eleanor would have pressured her to crack, or at least made her uncomfortable and bring her feelings of guilt to the surface. Either way he leaves it out and Louis is grateful, he doesn’t want to hear any of it at the moment it is better left tucked away with everything else in his life he would rather brush over with a gentle denial.

It should make him feel better hearing it all. And it does, he knows what happened now. Louis feels back in the driving seat of his life for the first time in months. But he also feels vulnerable and that doesn’t sit quite well with him. He just can’t help it though, and he doesn’t want to admit it but it is something that just comes easily when he is around Harry.

He watches Harry who looks content on finishing what he wanted to say. He bites his lip and furrows his brow in an endearing way. But Harry Styles is the furthest thing from endearing Louis reminds himself this is the same boy who beds everyone, who had no ambition other than partying and money. It’s womanizer Harry not endearing let me be your comfort Harry.

“I know it wasn’t my place to say anything, but I should have. I’m sorry Lou.”

He doesn’t stop though even though it seems like he should.

“Look I only fully appreciate three things in life, money, the pleasure money brings me and you. And I let you down.”

The thing is, Louis has heard this before. Harry Styles standing on top of his dining table during strip poker shouting he loves his best friends (but money more), as seven year olds bunched up in bed when Harry’s father left him at their door step again (“You’re my best friend, well and Zayn and Liam and Niall, and all my money” “You mean your Dad’s money” “Shut up”) or even this summer, Louis feeling depressed and Harry shouting from the pool “I fucking love you so stop acting like that and let’s throw a party!”

This time it isn’t a joke though, at least it doesn’t feel like it. It confuses every bone in Louis body.

“Thanks mate,” he half heartedly replies, “And you didn’t okay? You didn’t fuck up, blame them not yourself.”

Something in the back of his mind says you just both crossed a line.

Maybe the weird declaration doesn’t mean anything to Harry and maybe Louis is over thinking it because Harry doesn’t seem to act any differently at all. Louis runs his fingers through his fringe. Yea, Louis is definitely over thinking it.

Harry sits up and stares back down at him.

“So what are we supposed to do now? I feel like we just had emotional intercourse and I either have to cuddle you or kick you out. And to be entirely honest with you they both sound terribly time consuming.”

“Emotional intercourse?” Louis laughs out. He shoves the tears and everything else back in.

“It was hard work, you know getting emotional. Like being naked, only not,” Harry smiles back at him and stands seemingly laughing at his own joke.

“I feel a bit slutty and used now. My emotions are worn out.”

Maybe Harry is being strange about this. But he is always like this, Louis questions. Asking about Louis and Eleanor’s (non-existent) sex life, rolling around on Louis' bed (“So this is your bed huh?”), calling him out on everything and anything (“You look hot” “If I was your girl...”)

Louis forces his brain to stop its workout. He feels like it is making his cheeks blush and his hands sweat. Or maybe that it something else entirely he doesn’t want to think about either. Either way the room feels too small or he wants to go home and wallow in self pity now.

He stands up abruptly as Harry tries to light a joint by the mini bar. This is so strange Louis panics, Louis before this summer he wouldn’t have been doing this at all. He has a girlfriend, well sort of maybe. He doesn’t know actually. But wait why does this matter? He and Harry are just friends, best friends apparently.

“I really need to go, technically it is Monday night and we both have school tomorrow.”

“Ah I see how it is, you fuck me and then leave classy Tomlinson.”

Louis grabs his jacket and makes his way toward the door, “Only because I know you too well and you are just itching to leave.”

“Actually I was going to suggest we watch Titanic,” he adds with not even a hint of sarcasm.

“Fuck you Styles. See you tomorrow,” Louis replies, he will never live that down will he.

“Doubt it.”

And with that Louis leaves him in an empty hotel room with his smirks, winks, mini bar and emotions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope it was alright (get excited guys we are getting closer and closer to you know what next chapter includes a dinner party that may include awkward elounor and someone trying to put an engagement ring on a finger if you know what happens after that your probably just as keen as i am)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis does damage control, Harry is surprisingly a good friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> things didn't really work out as i planned the plot to (i over estimated how much i needed to write before the dinner party) enjoy the loveliness though that is this chapter :)

Louis blames his mother for being away with her new beau and the house being empty but reality is the blame is solely on himself. And maybe Eleanor Calder and Zayn Malik. But he doesn’t go to school for two days, by the third he only does go because his mother turns up unexpectedly and asks him why he is lying in bed.

The year was not supposed to be going like this. He of course had spent his time watching films tucked in bed and cried a few too many tears. He had also tried desperately to avoid his phone but lost the battle. Zayn had tried calling a few too many times and Louis wanted to talk to him but just couldn’t. Eleanor had tried once and that was that. A valiant effort. Harry on the other hand had kept him updated on everything, and entertained. He was ‘apparently’ planning on buying a bar, well a strip joint and if that didn’t make Louis feel better nothing would. Liam and Niall had delivered his course work and wished him a speedy recovery.

And Gossip Girl had sent out some blast once again trying to fuel rumours the golden couple of NYC were on the rocks. Who would have guessed? Not Louis. 

It was now Thursday morning and he was sitting in the dining room staring his mother down over croissants and tea. He was going to be late. Not that it mattered. He was up to date on his work anyway, plus the headmaster had already received a personal phone call stating Louis had been dreadfully sick courtesy of a bit of bribery on Louis behalf to his maid. His attendance would be fine. He might not be though.

He picked at the side of his pastry. It was taunting him.

“Darling, I cut my trip short because I was made to believe you were ill and I get home and you seem perfectly fine to me,” Jay Tomlinson said with perfect balance of harshness and politeness.

She motioned for more tea and it came.

“I’m not perfectly fine. I’m just having-“ Louis tried to avoid the words he doesn’t want to say but they slip out anyway, “minor relationship issues and maybe life issues.”

There that wasn’t so hard.

Her spoon abruptly stops in her cup and she straightens up like she has just heard shocking news.

“With Eleanor?”

Louis tries his best not to roll his eyes and slam his fork down, because who the hell else would it be. As far as everyone is concerned he has one relationship.

“Yes.”

“What on earth could possibly be the issue? She loves you, you love her. Louis, darling. Eleanor is a wonderful girl.”

Wonderful girls don't cheat on their boyfriends with his best friend. Maybe wonderful is a subjective term he wonders.

“It is a bit more complex than that right now-“

“Just talk it through; I am sure you two are on the same page.”

Louis kind of wants to spill it but he doesn’t want her to know. He doesn’t want anyone to know. Because if one person knows then everyone will.

“Look, I didn’t want to talk about it too early, but I have a business deal going through. It's early stages, but Eleanor’s father has been a real help in assisting me with it. I have invited her and her parents for dinner tomorrow night, if all goes well we should be celebrating again by next week.”

Louis wants to be happy for his mother. But he knows what she is implying, keep it together and keep her and her parents happy. He thinks that just might be entirely impossible when Eleanor is the one sabotaging their relationship.

He can’t even think about her right now without letting his emotions boil over. Louis doesn’t think pretending to be civil with her is going to work at all. But he also doesn't want to just give up and throw the relationship under the bus like Eleanor seems to want to do.

Jay reverts her attention back to the newspaper and her food, it gives Louis a little breathing space to roll his eyes and stand up without judgement.

“I’ll try my best,” he does mean it because regardless of the fight he puts up Eleanor will be here tomorrow night without a doubt and he can’t be having a screaming match with her over champagne and light conversation.

It is the longest conversation he has had with his mother in a week and he ends it like that. Lovely.

 

It’s lunch time and Louis can see Zayn perched a lower tier of the steps of the met. He is sketching in a book and looking like he always does slightly bored, mysterious and sad. Louis had successfully avoided him all day so far. But here he is sat with his friends right at the top of the food chain starting down at what once was.

“I know you said we shouldn’t talk to him, but he asked how you were yesterday.”

Louis snaps back into a sudden reality. Niall is looking at him fondly. And Louis takes another scoop of yoghurt.

“And what did you tell him?”

“That you were great.”

“Good.”

Louis keeps watching intently. Harry turns up and tries to join Zayn but it looks like he isn’t interested. Maybe Harry is telling him what a awful person he has been, Louis can dream.

“Can’t we just send a tip to Gossip Girl, or publicly condemn him already then let him apologize for being terrible and get things back to the way they were?” Liam looks up at him eagerly.

The thing is they don’t know. But Louis knows it is going to take a lot more than that to fix this issue right here.

“Soon. I am still plotting with what we are going to do with him.”

If Louis had thought he had been getting a free pass today he was very wrong, as if right on cue Eleanor turns up with her crew of merry followers. Why the fuck they dress the same as her is beyond him. He didn’t want a show today so that will not be happening. But certain things must be done to salvage his relationship.

“Keep our spot,” Louis tells Liam and Niall as he stands and makes his way towards Eleanor.

She isn’t facing him and one of her friends has to point him out, she turns and her place looks scared and surprised. Good, Louis ponders almost aloud.

“Eleanor, can we talk.”

“Sure,” she sounds weak and hands her bag to her one her companions holding an almost identical bag herself.

Eleanor follows him around the corner and out of view. They do get a few strange looks. She doesn’t stand close to him and respects his boundaries.

“Look I know you are coming over for dinner tomorrow night-“

“Sorry about that, I tried to-“

“Don’t interrupt, I was saying I know you are coming over and look I know everything is up in the air but let’s be civil. We are a mature couple. We are just going through a rough patch. I am still angry, but I love you and we can make it work. “

She looks hopeful and nods her head. Louis thinks his mother will be happy about this.

“We obviously still need to talk, but I have had time to think about things these last few days and we have something too good to just throw away so quickly.”

“Okay, I agree. Let’s start fresh tomorrow. Clean slate.”

Louis isn't sure about a clean slate, you can't really just wipe away cheating. But she has a point.

Louis takes her hand and leads her back out into the view of everyone. He wasn’t lying when he said he didn’t want to throw it away. She had hurt him, but she was the most comfortable thing in his life. The normal and the safe, Louis doesn’t want to admit it to himself but being alone and being without Eleanor means facing things he has had to store away for a long time. Those feelings and thoughts he doesn’t want to think or feel.

They part ways but not without Louis lingering and saying quietly, “Please don’t talk to him or anything.”

Eleanor replies with a look that probably says a bit too much, she will try her best. If Louis was sane maybe he would take this as a hint. But he isn’t.

 Louis notices Zayn and Harry’s lingering gaze on him. His eyes might be lying to him but he can tell Harry is shaking his head slightly as they catch each other’s gaze. He thinks Louis is weak and foolish, and maybe he is but he is also scared and he doesn’t think Harry has any right to judge him about that.

He returns to Niall and Liam, it is as if nothing has changed. It hasn’t.

Liam looks up at him inquisitively. “So you and El are still all good then?”

“Don’t believe everything you read Liam, we're perfectly fine.”

“I never do Lou, don’t believe anything they write. Rubbish all of it,” Niall replies, and Louis knows he is being honest. If he knew anyone around here who he could trust it was Niall.

The rest of the day went along the same lines, adequately fine.

That is until Louis walked out of the elevator and into his apartment to find Zayn sitting in the foyer.

“What are you doing here?” Louis questions stopping dead in his tracks.

Zayn rises from his seat and runs a hand through his black hair, quiffed into perfection Louis mentally notes. Damn him.

“Your mum let me in.”

“And I am letting you out.

“Louis don’t be like that. We need to talk. We’re best friend come on”

Louis stares him down, “Best friends,” He punctuates every syllable. “Best friends. Don’t do what you did.”

“Louis it meant nothing.”

“That’s beside the point! I’m not doing this now- or ever,” Louis slides past Zayn and moves towards the staircase leaving him behind.

“Come back when you have a better apology than that.”

Zayn probably should have tried a bit harder but he knows he is fighting a war he isn’t going to win just yet. Louis has to want to forgive him, and right now that isn’t what he wants. It is clear self defence and everyone knows it. He can’t let things go back to the way they were because that means accepting it happened, and that is it still happening. They all can’t be what they used to be anymore. There won’t be nights like they used to have, memories of the group of them sleeping in the same bed, sharing the same cups and crying the same tears. There is a giant fraction between the group, all because someone stomped all over the trust they used to have. And Louis wants to point a finger, and he has every right to.

 

Friday rolls around and things are relatively normal. Louis feels like it may be a calm before a storm but the school day goes fine. Life seems to be giving him a day off from all the bullshit, which is quite nice of her.

Louis is packing his bags in the changing rooms after field hockey practice when Harry walks in. The room is empty as Louis was running late, he was the last one to leave the field as per usual. Louis zips up the bag and grabs his gear.

“What are you still doing here? Studying late?”

“Not likely, look you got some time? I need your opinion on something,” He replies, Louis notes he looks really excited. That's rare.

Louis knows him too well though, “Is this about the strip club?”  

“It’s a burlesque club, it’s a respectable place where people can be transported to another time and feel free to let loose.”

It is probably to do with the way his eyes light up talking about it or just because Louis is curious, but he agrees.

“I guess an hour isn’t going to kill me.”

He is glad for a distraction before what is going to be a long night. He follows Harry and they make their way down town in his limo. On first assessment of the club Louis is impressed, of course he doesn’t let it show easily. It is beautiful, probably needs a bit of work, but it has a unique character. The sort you can’t fabricate or buy.

“Welcome to Victrola,” Harry says, but that is all Louis catches before he is ranting on about all sorts of business things.

The ceilings are high and it makes it seem open and dark. It is comforting when it really shouldn’t be. There is stage hidden behind red velvet curtains and empty seats and booths all around. It's nice in a way.

“You want your father to invest in a strip joint?”

Harry stops his talking and replies with a pointed finger, “A burlesque club.”

Louis rolls his eyes and continues to convey his surroundings. He is slightly in awe but not showing it.

“It’s a place of no judgement, pure escape. What happens at Victrola stays at Victrola.”

“Well, it does have potential,” Louis admits finally giving something.

Harry seems to light up at that, knowing it was coming.

“Harry Styles, I do believe all your years of under age drinking and womanising have finally paid off. Truly, I am proud”

Harry blushes, only slightly and regains him composure. But Louis is proud, and being honest because he wasn’t expecting this.

“Well you are my toughest critic,” he murmurs, “Well, seconded toughest.”

That is probably the nicest compliment Louis has ever received.

“So do you think your father will go for it?”

Harry confidently replies, “It is exactly the type of innovative thinking that the Styles empire was built on. It’s the perfect thing I have been waiting for.”

“Plus I sort of already locked it down, just need the big man to sign it off today,” he adds looking smug as ever because of course he did this without permission.

Louis nods and checks his phone for the time. He is already running late for this dinner party, and has missed a call from his mother.

“I am going to be so late, I’m going now,” he grabs his bag and uses his other hand to squeeze Harry’s upper arm.

“Victory party. Here tonight.”

Louis turns to make his way out admiring the view as he leaves. Harry is obviously super confident about this.

“I wouldn’t miss it. I’ll bring Eleanor.”

He doesn’t see Harry’s face but he knows the look he probably getting, one that says if that is what you want, “I’ll send a car.”

He hears it in his voice as well. The quite reprimand of Louis own self destructive relationship habits. It’s the judgey voice telling him he doesn’t agree but will be there to clean up the mess anyway.

And with a final, “Don’t be nervous he is gonna love it,” tossed over his shoulder in Harry’s direction Louis is gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dinner party next chapter i promise :))))


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis lets go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi this was actually supposed to be one chapter but i have separated it into two because it was getting quite long the next one with the good stuff should be up very soon (it would have been up early but midnight memoires happened so) x

“This is so lovely,” Eleanor’s father says abruptly over the soft piano and chatter that filled the Tomlinson’s lounge.

Louis couldn’t agree less. It was not going great or anything long those terms. It was driving him mad. From the way in which Eleanor was sitting next to him but refusing to touch him, the way her parents were staring at them and not to mention his mothers overbearing fussing. It was a getting under his skin. And quite frankly he couldn’t wait for it to be over. He and Eleanor had had no time to talk in private and everything now felt awkward with far too much left unsaid between the two of them.

Jay nods in agreement and replies with a twinkling in her eyes, “I cannot wait for the day when this is a regular occurrence, when we are all one family.”

Okay what the fuck.

Louis doesn’t even realise he is thinking it before he’s done it. His natural response six months ago would have been glee, because his life plan was working out just the way he wanted it to. But now, everything felt different.

He wasn’t the same person, she wasn’t the same person and this relationship wasn’t heading in the same direction. It hits Louis sitting in his lounge in this limbo with the girl next to him that things aren’t heading back to the way they once were. You have to keep moving forward in life. He adjusts the collar on the truthfully awful shirt his mother had designed and made him wear. It is restricting his breathing. He stared at the rug beneath his feet avoiding eye contact at all costs.

“You know we have our family ring just waiting for the day,” Jay continues.                               

He just sits there and takes it, the smiling and the gushing, the nauseating feeling of it all. He just watches these people create his future for him while he sits silent.

Louis had always thought he was the one writing what he wanted to do, fixing it into his life. But he has a sudden realisation as his mother shows Eleanor her apparently ‘future’ ring. That this plan that had been written wasn’t his own choice. Why did he want to go to Yale so badly? His dad probably had something to do with that. Why was he dating Eleanor? His mother probably had something to do with that.

He makes it through dinner, barely, but is mentally vacant, his mind working into overdrive.

 

Louis and Eleanor stand out front waiting for the car to take them to Victrola, in a limbo once again. Eleanor stares at him and he returns it back. They have barely exchange more than a few words tonight. It seems like an act of self preservation.

She whispers as if someone is listening when they shouldn’t be, “Talk to me.”

It’s relatively cold out tonight. The wind is slowly tangling her hair. Louis stares at that for a while. She waits.

Louis for the first time in a long while looks her in the eyes and says, “It’s not working.”

The act of self preservation seems to be quickly falling. Or maybe it is working, maybe letting go is the best thing to do and maybe honestly that is self preservation rather than preservation a failing relationship. Maybe not right now, but in the long run, in terms of happiness.

“I know. I’m sorry. I just- I love him,” Eleanor says like it must be the most painful thing in the world.

It sort of hurts, but he knew it anyway. He had known it since they were thirteen and they would gaze at each other. He was just too proud to admit it. But sitting in that room, listening to future plans been drawn up seems to have been the slap in the face.

“Do you love me?” It’s raw and honest, neither things Louis wants to associate with ever, because once again pride is in his way.

“Not in the way you want me to. It’s going to be better off this way.”

He understands it because he couldn’t have said it better himself. She looks like she might start crying, from guilt probably so Louis takes her hand.

“Go home Eleanor, it’s alright. It’s done now, we can leave it.”

He thinks he should feel more like one of his limbs has been torn off but instead he feels a bit liberated.

She throws herself into his arms, a bundle of tears and long brown hair and limbs. He pets her hair and she whispers, “He doesn’t love me either.”

“It’s okay. Fuck him.”

“They’re going to be disappointed in me.”

“Fuck them too,” he pulls her back at looks at her, “Don’t think about everyone else for once.”

He manages to calm her down and return her to her parents as they leave. She composes herself just in time. She thanks him and Louis thinks maybe, just maybe they could be friends again in the future.

 It’s strange he thinks as he makes the split second decision to go to Victrola like he had promised, this is the first time he has ever been single that he can remember. Louis feels a bit hollow and drawn out. He climbs into the back of the waiting car nonetheless with little doubt.

 

Harry opens the door of the waiting car and holds on his hand. He is obviously expecting a delicate female hand to fill his but seems satisfied upon receiving Louis instead. They pair eye each other up before Louis closes the door and tries to start walking. Harry gets the idea and quickly pulls him back.

“Hey, where’s Eleanor?” he questions.

“I think we just broke up,” Louis says confidently, and then it’s out there. It’s in the open and telling someone feels good.

“What?”

“I don’t want to talk about it. I want to escape that is what this place is for isn’t it?”

Harry doesn’t doubt him on that and accepts Louis for being Louis. He never wants to talk about things if approached, rather it’s better to slowly warm him up and let him open up himself in his own time and by his own will. So he nods and leads him in. He will talk about it when he wants to.

They make their way into Victrola and Louis is immediately struck with how alive it is, compared to how it seemed this afternoon. The place is crowed, with patrons and dancers alike. Louis crowds closer to Harry who leads him to the bar stopping to pat people on the back or say a quick hello. It would be easy to simply be lost in the sea of people that is his excuse for laying his arm on Harry.

It’s beautiful, the stage is lit up and the walls are pounding with the beat that fills both the room and Louis himself. There is nothing quite like feeling your heart in time with the music and the blood pumping through your veins. He savours it and it makes him feel more alive than ever before. And he hasn’t even had a drink.

Harry leads him to the bar, easily pushing through the people he is the one in charge after all. He leans in close, his breath on Louis ear and asks, “What do you want?”

“Anything.”

Harry motions to the bartender.

“Harry, it looks great. I know I said it before but really, I am proud,” Louis says pressing into Harry so he can hear.

“He loved it, like you said he would,” he replies before grabbing their drinks and thanking the bartender with that deep honest sincerity he drips when he speaks. 

He leads Louis upfront to the centre middle booth in front of the stage. It has clearly been reserved, it clearly has Harry’s name on it. Louis feels quite special being led through the people and into the best seat in the house. Not that he isn’t used to this kind of special treatment mind you, it’s just that tonight feels fun and this atmosphere makes him feel alive.

It’s the way in which no one in the room seems to care, for once he doesn’t feel like he has a noose of responsibility around his neck. He feels free of his inhibitions. It is a busy feeling like the champagne he is drinking, fizzing through him and filling up his ends. He feels lively, and more like his true self than he ever has before.

Behind the perfectly pressed shirts, and the top school marks and ambitions he is this person. Louis watches the dancers on stage intently. They move with such rhythm and poise, its graceful and so effortlessly sexy. It’s the way they can slightly move their hips so or turn their heads and receive such a buzz. It’s not much, but that is what makes it so good.

Louis is cut out of his state of enchantment by Harry leaning towards him and saying,”Look I know you don’t want to talk about what happened-“

Louis doesn’t for a second fault his gaze from where it is fixed, “Relief. I feel relief.”

Louis keeps watching intently. He watches the feathers and the pearls. It feels like an out of body experience, like he has slowly been transported. He feels like he is up there and he is moving, while they watch him.

Louis realises he is leaning forward and is perched on the edge of his seat. It is as if he is ready to jump up and join them.

“You know, I’ve got moves,” he says almost naturally without thinking. It’s circling through his brain though and he can’t help but let it escape.

Harry seems to feel the same way, blinking slowly as if asking where did that come from. He smiles down at his glass and then back at Louis who still has his eyes locked on the stage.

“Really? Then why don’t you get up there and prove it?”

There is an unwavering spark in his eye, not that Louis can see it as he firmly keeps his eyes in place. He lets out a laugh, its typical Harry. It’s challenging and blunt.

“No, I’m just saying. I’ve got moves.”

Harry leans forward from where he was lying back in his seat. He is now pressed against Louis side slightly bringing him back into reality and out of his dream like state. Harry bumps their knees together.

“Come on, you’re ten times hotter than anyone up there,” he says with full confidence.

Louis is quick to reply, “I know what you’re doing Styles.”

But Harry doesn’t reply simply keeps staring at him. Louis takes his gaze away from the stage and looks at him knowing. If Harry thinks playing games is what they should be doing Louis realises two can play, and if any two can play its Harry and Louis.

“You really don’t think I would go up there?”

While there is one side of Louis that would never go up there, he knows there is another side that is dying to break free of his inhibitions. The desperately bad side that gets pushed into the dark where it belongs, that is the side that would will him to climb up onto that stage.

Harry smirks back, “I know you won’t do it.”

Maybe he is trying to prove something, maybe he is just a little insane tonight and he will probably reason tomorrow it’s the alcohol (that has actually been barely touched) but he is sure he wants to do this.

Louis straightens his back and places his glass on the table in front of them, “Guard my drink.”

Harry’s face is priceless, a mixture of shock and amusement. But really all it does it fuel Louis to prove him wrong. He has moves, and maybe it is time to let is wild side out again and tonight seems like the perfect opportunity. Maybe it is the place, the atmosphere, and maybe just maybe the person he is with that bring out his full potential.

Harry leans back again and spreads his hand out as if saying be my guest.

Louis doesn’t look back he walks up and without thinking twice making his way up the steps onto the stage in front of him. There are a few whistles and words shouted to prompt him on but he barely hears them over the loud beat of his heart echoing through his ears. It’s all adrenaline. He feels on fire, it’s warm and comforting. He places himself between two of the female dancers right in the middle and turns around. While before he was trying to zone out from the crowd he closes in on it. He listens and gathers the mood. He turns his ears to the music counting the beat in his head.

He stops thinking, and he just does. Louis slowly moves his hips, only slightly mimicking what he had seen before. He isn’t going to lie, he knows he has a nice ass. Like he said he knows he has moves, and he knows he has the assets to make the work. 

It’s isn’t dramatic but it gets a reaction. He doesn’t turn to watch though. He wonders about Harry for a split second. Then is back to business, Louis slowly extends his arms leaning one high and bringing it back down to across the back of his neck and across his shoulder. He teases his shirt.

He thinks of how his mother had picked out this shirt for him, how he hated it and how Eleanor had told him it was lovely. He takes the same hand and starts to unbutton the collar.

He slowly but carefully opens the front of the shirt and feels a lot better, less constricted and more himself. It prompts him and fuels him. He runs his hands up his legs and crouches down.

He has nice thighs okay, so he uses them to the best of his ability. He carefully runs his fingers long them, deliberately taking his time.

At that moment he decides to turn his head to the side, and catch Harry’s eyes. He isn’t where he was when Louis left him, he is now standing a lot closer to the stage and away from the seat.

Louis can tell instantly he is captivated. He giggles behind his palm, and maybe he winks although he will deny it later.

Harry shakes his head without breaking eye contact. He gulps down was appears to be Louis drink he was supposed to be guarding and raises the glass toward the stage admitting defeat, and something else entirely.

He steps forward reaching a hand out for Louis which he rises to take after blowing the audience a few kisses and taking a bow. He gets a pretty big cheer which he will definitely brag about for a long time. Not that he doubted his moves would gain that sort reaction. 

Louis carefully steps off the stage his shirt still hanging off him but he doesn’t care. He crowds Harry gloating, “Now what were you saying again?”

Which is met by a look of awe and laughing, Louis definitely proved him wrong.

“I admit defeat, but stand by my claim you definitely were ten times hotter than anyone else up there,” he says so only Louis can hear.

“I think what you meant to say is, you owe me a lot of drinks now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so close! sorry to leave ya hanging hope you enjoyed sexy strip tease louis damn :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And this is how it starts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel so awkward posting this (i went to christian school okay dont judge me) but enjoy cause this is what we have all been waiting for aye ayee

The night goes into a bit of a blur, it’s so electrifying and alive. Harry agrees and rewards him with plenty of drinks. But everywhere Louis steps in the bar he is getting recognized which means a lot of people are trying to hug him, touch him and talk to him. It is a good excuse to stick close to Harry, who fits his hand on Louis lower back perfectly. Louis doesn’t even realise it is there for a while, something just feels normal and natural about it so he doesn’t protest at all. It’s comforting and nice, reminds him a bit of home.

The party dies down and Louis with little protest agrees to let Harry take him home in his limo. They quickly leave and fall into the back of the limo, both incredibly happy and really probably not wanting to go home at all.

Harry tells the driver to circle for a bit before heading to Louis address. Louis lets his head hit the back of the seat and he closes his eyes just for a quick second. He has never felt so alive and so content.

He really isn’t that drunk. I mean he can walk properly, remember the conversations and it isn’t like the time he cried over titanic. He opens his eyes are stares out the window, he is normally a sad drunk isn’t he. Tonight was so different.

He fixes his eyes back into the car and across to Harry who is doing the same thing. He looks so beautiful, with the low lights of the street highlighting him in a rhythm of here then gone. It’s a nice movement Louis thinks, he is there and then gone again but never quite disappearing from his sight. He wants to mentally take a picture and not let this moment go. Even if it feels like it is slipping through his fingers like sand.

It’s Harry’s suit and hair, the way it curls around his ear. The cut of his jaw and the way his chest slowly raises then falls, in time with the flickering lights. Louis hears himself before he probably mentally makes a decision to talk, this keeps happening. It’s too natural, too organic. He has lost control of his mind hasn’t he.

“Thanks for the lift home.”

Harry smiles down and turns his head that is laying the same way Louis has his. They are like mirrors echoing each other on opposite sides of the seat.

Harry speaks without a hint of doubt or reluctance. It’s smooth and clear in the silence, “You were amazing up there.”

Neither breaks the eye contact they have established. It’s locked and it’s fixed now.

But Louis breaks the silence, not by speaking but by movement. In the limo that is slowly pulling them through New York City, the busiest city he has ever known. The ground beneath their wheels he moves himself into motion. He slowly shuffles along the leather seat towards Harry. Maybe that isn’t the movement though, maybe the movement is internally. Louis shatters his chest open and makes the first shift, blunt and blinding with no doubt in his mind at all.

This is the moment for panic, the few seconds he has to be what he has come to expect himself to do. This isn’t what is in the plan, this is diverging from not only his expectations but everyones. But he has never been so sure. No thoughts flood his mind, no people he needs to consider. It’s just Louis, Harry and the back of this car pulling him towards his want. 

Harry doesn’t move an inch though, just waits not faulting his fix Louis eyes. Until Louis is so close he can feel him breathing, and his own eyes are fixing on Harry’s lips.

Slowly but surely Louis moves him lips into Harry’s. They meet half way in the middle. It’s soft and tender, Louis tentatively leaning in. It’s just a quick brush, a small taste.

He immediately wants more and tries to take it. It lights fire deep inside him and rather than satisfying the need it only makes it a hunger for everything. If he had doubted this was what he wanted before this was the sign that he needed.

Harry pulls back only slightly breaking the kiss before it goes into more.

With the same resolve of confidence and clarity he carefully asks, “Are you sure?”

It seems vague, only because they are on the same wave length. His thoughts are Louis thoughts. They are once again headed to the same place and there is no need to further explain.

Louis doesn’t think twice he knows his answer more clearly than anything else. Maybe like he should have known about Eleanor and Zayn since the beginning of time he should have known this as well. That Harry Styles was and is always going to be more.

Louis quickly pulls him back in, not ignoring the question but answering it in a way he understands. The kiss starts to build up, Louis grabs Harry’s lapel like he has wanted to all night. It is a quick blur of following what he has wanted to do for a long time.

It’s lips and tongues and teeth and skin.

Harry runs his hands into Louis shirt that remains open. It is the constant reminder of the events that had occurred earlier. He pulls him closer and Louis is able to run his hand along his jaw and into his hair. It pulls Harry deeper and pulls a soft moan from him, so Louis does it again and again.

This is so much different from what he has ever had before. Louis may have kissed a few boys in secret when he was young or in drunken games of spin the bottle but nothing compares to this. It’s a rush and maybe it is just because it’s Harry but Louis doesn’t have time to think and doesn’t want to.

He is slowly pulling himself onto Harry’s lap with full force. He likes it, pulling the shots and making this boy fall apart underneath him. He relishes the power of Harry’s limp body, the way it is simply saying do what you want because I am yours.

It is once again the constant reminder that Harry knows him better than he knows himself.

The other side of his coin. The reflection in the mirror.

Louis is over eager and doesn’t want to stop this kissing ever, he would be happy to live in this moment forever. Harry’s lap is warm and his hands are roaming. But Louis wants more and more.

He carefully tries to grind down on him but he can’t go slowly at all, he ruts relentlessly and shamelessly.  

Harry smiles into another kiss, but breaks away to carefully tackle Louis neck.

He whispers between kisses breaking each word, “Careful- just- slow.”

But Louis is obviously blissfully ignorant so Harry puts his hands to better use to grip him down and slow him into a much better rhythm for the both of them.

Louis immediately feels it and it is so much better this way. He lets out small moans and whimpers as Harry guides him and leaves small marks along the hollow of his neck. It’s like each little one marks a reminder of tonight.

Louis has been making quick work of Harry’s bow tie and unbuttoning his shirt. Louis realises his has already slipped off somewhere which really is a shame.

He tries to pull Harry’s jacket and shirt of but he has to remove his hands from his arse to do so, Louis successfully does so but ends up getting flipped over and down.

He is left seated staring back at Harry kneeling before him, all messy hair and puffy red lips. He looks more so like sex than ever before, which Louis thinks is funny because he always looks like sex.

His giggle at the thought is quickly cut off when Harry uses his hands to palm Louis cock through his pants. His hips slowly rise and he lets out sounds that are ashamedly high pitched. He can’t help it though and Harry makes quick work of him, leaving him practically naked in the back of a limo within a few seconds which just screams experience.

Maybe he should panic because he is the ultimate virgin about to lose it in the back of moving vehicle with maybe the most promiscuous person he has ever met. But it’s actually way more hot the daunting he thinks.

He rests his head of Louis upper thigh slowly placing kisses along the line. It’s sinful. And Harry looks like this is the only thing he wants to do forever.

“So fucking hot Lou,” he pants but Louis doesn’t really hear it.

He is distractedly trying to grab Harry’s hair and force him to do something else, anything else, and just stop teasing.

It’s hard to speak but he manages out a quick, “Please.”

“Harry. Please.”

Harry looks up at him through hooded eyes that are deep and full of every emotion floating around in this car between them. He nods slowly then makes quick work of removing Louis boxer briefs.

If Louis thought Harry looked good before he looks even better now, looking on in awe like Louis is his saviour and he wants to serve him. It makes Louis blush a bit although he is sure it isn’t noticeable in his current state.

Harry looks up from his spot lifting his hand and wrapping it slowly around Louis cock. Louis arches up into the touch and Harry leisurely drags his hand back and forth.

He ducks his head down again and says, “Can I?”

Louis doesn’t think just speaks, “Please.”

“Gonna make is so good Lou, trust me,” he says with gentle fond rubs of Louis thighs before going down to suck his cock.

He goes down on Louis in one swift motion, all blinding heat of his mouth wrapped around Louis. He goes deep, probably as far as he can go letting Louis hit the back of his throat but not faulting. Louis things he is probably trying to brag in his own way and it’s working.

But it doesn’t matter because it is good, so good he wants to cry. Harry has to hold him down and sooth him with careful touches. But Louis wants to move but he is good, he lets Harry do the work.

Harry keeps at his steady rhythm of up and down, then licking and kissing and Louis has to keep his eyes closed and focused. He really doesn’t want to embarrass himself.

But he starts to feel white heat and Harry hums and whispers words of praise and endearment around him.

“Harry,” he pants.

Harry doesn’t listen. Louis yanks his hair, “Harry.”

Harry pulls off painfully slow and sits up staring at him looking devilishly handsome and adorable with spit hanging off his chin. He wipes it away not breaking eye contact.

Louis has to cover his face and try to hide his embarrassing facials and noises in response.

Harry removes his hands and arches into Louis kissing him with force. It is much rougher than before, apparently knowing that Louis can take it now.

It’s a quick kiss, it’s fast and passionate. He is there and then gone again leaving Louis satisfied then hanging again. Louis lets out a small whimper as Harry pulls off and he has to reluctantly let go.

“What do you want Louis?” he asks tentatively.

Louis both doesn’t have the mind capacity right now to form eloquent remarks and he doesn’t want to embarrass himself by saying something wrong so he just goes for blunt.

“Just fuck me okay,” he replies trying to lunge forward again into Harry. He just really doesn’t want to take this slow or wait any longer.

Harry gives him a quick kiss and pushes him easily back.

“Okay.”

He reaches out an opens a draw, because of course, and grabs lube and a condom. Only Harry Styles would have an unlimited supply of that in the back of his limo. He probably knows Louis is thinking that as well. Its strange Louis thinks that he doesn’t actually care at all, he doesn’t know why but nothing seems to matter. He doesn’t care if Harry has fucked everybody back here all that matters is that he is here right now he wants Louis.

Harry gets rid of his pants quickly. Louis has seen him naked before but not like this. It’s really something and it just makes him want him more now than ever before.

“Open your legs Lou,” Harry instructs.

Louis does so but Harry changes his mind. He climbs back onto the seat with Louis and pushes him so they are facing each other just like they had started.

It is a big uncomfortable but Louis isn’t really thinking about it.

Harry slicks up his fingers and just the sight of it makes Louis breath deeper. He wants him so badly.

Harry leans forward comforting him with reassuring hands.

“I’m gonna make it so good, you alright?”

Louis is sort of a mess but he knows what he means and he nods that he is okay. Harry kisses him softly. While doing this he slowly pushes one finger, Louis hitches up into the feeling.

It’s slow and steady, and he knows Harry doesn’t want to hurt him or rush him but Louis wants more quickly, because maybe he wants to impress him.

 “Another,” Louis demands.

Harry obliges pushing another one in. Louis instantly feels fuller. Harry drags and scissors them working them at a leisurely pace but in time to Louis quick needs.

He quickly has him panting and squirming into his touch.

“C’mon another,” Louis says still adamant he can take more than he is being given.

Harry smiles back at him and shakes his head.

“No rush.”

Louis pouts but then Harry slowly drags over his prostate and instead Louis is moaning again. Harry seems pleased with himself then and repeats the action a few times leaving Louis breathless. He enters another finally and doesn’t slow down his pace, he quickly has Louis panting his name over and over again.

“You ready?” Harry whispers in his ear as he crooks three fingers deep inside.

Louis can only nod and beg. He pulls them out and Louis misses the feeling instantly. Louis watches closely as Harry puts on a condom and slicks himself up, Louis mind a constant string of I can’t believe this is really happening and can this happen faster already.

Harry seems to quickly contemplate for a minute before ushering Louis to turn over onto his back and onto his knees. Louis protests at first, he really wants to be able to see Harry. He obviously senses Louis worries.

“Hey, Lou trust me don’t panic. I really don’t want to hurt you.”

Louis replies with a simple, “I trust you,” and complies.

Harry rubs his hands down his back and settles into position. Harry is so much bigger than him and his body is draped over him in such a protective and comforting manner that Louis really has nothing to panic about at all. He feels safe and so ready.

One of Harry’s hands holds him into place on his stomach, gently rubbing and without words whispering things of encouragement and adoration. Harry slowly lets his cock drag over Louis rim and gets a sense of feeling, he think starts to push in.

He takes it slow watching Louis to gage his reaction, only moving an inch by inch.

All Louis can feel is Harry. It feels like he doesn’t own his body anymore, he traded it to someone in exchange for a hope of pleasure. He muffles his sounds of discomfort into his shoulder but feels Harry petting his hear and constantly repeating words of affirmation.

It is okay though and he is honest when he thinks that as he feels Harry bottom out. He wants to move badly but knows he can’t.

They stay this was for a bit and Harry touches Louis with long strokes and then starts to gently pull out and thrust back.

That is when Louis mind instantly lights up with fire again, pushing the pain away or any feeling of discomfort.

Louis is so scared he isn’t going to last and he has concentrate on in so intently, ushering it away every time Harry moans his name and he pulls himself back in.

Harry is making it so hard though. With his hands leaving bruises and his voice that wont give up and the way he is making Louis feel.

When Harry hits his prostate again and again Louis feels himself start to fall, he can’t hold himself up and he just wants to let go. It’s is burning in the back of his mind and starting to spread to every inch of his body rapidly.

Harry holds him up where he fails and encouragingly says, “Lou, you can come.”

And he does. Louis has never felt anything like it before, coming over Harry’s hand and his stomach. The way he wants to curl up into himself but doesn’t. How he just stays and lets Harry pound into him through it chasing his own release after finally letting his focus of pleasing Louis.

He feels him come inside him and he finally lets himself go, slowly letting out a sob and falling down. Harry holds him up still and once he has regained himself pulls out. Louis thinks he is going to be simply shoved aside but Harry pulls him close. He stops him from crying, Louis has never been so embarrassed even if the tears are good ones.  

“Sorry,” Louis says into Harry’s chest.

“You’re fine right?” Harry asks with real genuine concern.

Louis laughs, “Yes.”

“You’re amazing Lou, fuck.”

It is then that Louis thinks this probably isn’t normal. Especially not for Harry Styles, you just don’t hold Harry Styles after sex. He knows because he has been told, he has even seen it girls leaving hotel rooms without shoes. It’s nice, but it is just a friend thing he thinks.

Louis forces himself to move even if he body tells him not to. He tries to grab whatever he can, his shirt or shoes just something.

Harry looks a bit offended or mock offended because seriously he should be used to this. Louis realises he is a bit of a mess, he is all dirty and sweaty and has come all over himself. He probably can’t walk past the doorman like this.

Harry seems to understand the problem and throws him a towel that was apparently also located somewhere under the seat. Louis thanks him and cleans himself. He throws on his shirt and pants as quickly as he possibly can.

It is an awkward few seconds of staring. Harry has barely even tried to fix himself, he has put his underwear back on and that is that. He is also smoking a cigarette.

“You want one?” he asks.

“No, I’m fine,” Louis says sitting next to him.

Harry places his hand on his thigh and accepts the answer. The limo stops and Louis is so glad to be back home.

He goes to open the door when Harry grabs his wrist. Louis saw that coming from a mile away. He turns back to look at Harry who looks hurt.

“Hey.”

Louis stares at his face for a bit the door open, the doorman probably staring and the constant wind slowly blowing into the car.

“Give me a kiss,” Harry says quietly not breaking eye contact with a slow smile creeping up onto his lips.

Louis sighs and obliges. He leans forward his shoes in his hands and ducks his head towards Harry. Their lips meet just the same way they did for the first time. It’s quick and soft but Harry still manages to get his tongue to sweep into Louis mouth. He tastes like smoke, alcohol but mostly like Louis.

And then Louis is turning his back and exiting the car. The door is closed and he watches it drive away, constantly moving forward again.

The doorman looks at him strangely standing there without shoes on and hair that is totally unacceptable but he doesn’t actually give a damn. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOW DID EVERY ENJOY IT? AS MUCH AS I DID? GOOD


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis truthfully isn't even catholic but it is his birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i passed all my exams! sorry this is quite late i seem to be addicted to writing fluffy one shots at the moment

 

 

Louis didn’t know churches were open on Saturdays. He turned up anyway and by the sheer will power of prayer and God himself the church would take him in. But apparently it’s always open but the fact remains, God works miracles like that he can work miracles like forgiving Louis for his transgressions and restoring his perfect life.

“Forgive me father for I have sinned,” Louis says to the window next to him holding his hands together in a prayer like manner and closing his eyes dramatically. He knows he can’t be seen but it serves a purpose, God can probably see.

He is slightly hungover and is wearing a suit before lunch time on a Saturday but that is the least of his worries.

“It’s been a while since I've had a confession, “ Louis actually can’t remember his last confession. Minor details.

“What troubles you?”

There is a dramatic pause. Louis believes in himself though, he can do this he demands as he exhales loudly and covers his face with his palms.

His mind is filled with visions of dancing and stripping and limos and sex and Harry and Harry and Harry.

He can do this.

“After being broken up with my long term girlfriend for merely 20 minutes I got intoxicated, performed a striptease at a speakeasy,” he leaves an impressive pause for effect.

“And surrendered my virtue to a self absorbed ass in the back of a moving vechile but the good thing is that he is such a pig that he will act like it never even happened. Thank God.”

The priest clears his throat. Louis notices his transgression.

“Sorry, I’m not actually catholic.”

The priest seems to appreciate it not that Louis can see him or even cares. There are more important things to worry about.

“But seriously, losing my virginity to Harry Styles? Of all people? No one is going to understand, no one can know!”

Louis is slumped back in his booth and he feels entirely low, he gathers himself together and continues, “I’m ready for my punishment, whatever it may be. I'm totally prepared.”

“Here is some food for thought, don’t drink.” Not going to happen.

“Keep your clothes on.” Probably a good idea.

“Try avoiding those who cause you to stray.” Definitely a good plan.

“Oh I plan to do so. Thank you father,” Louis does what he considers a Hail Mary and is out of there as fast as he can manage. He feels like he is about to burst into flames sitting in that booth alone, but does feel better about his fate.

He exits the building and starts to make his way onto the short walk home. He has important things to do today, including planning his birthday party for tomorrow night. Sure, it wasn’t Louis birthday till Thursday but why wait? He needed it now, he needed a distraction plus it would be the perfect place to try and sort things out. He needed to talk to Zayn, he should maybe apologize or at least make an effort.

Louis is interrupted suddenly by the fact that he walking right past a moving limo. The vehicle is slowing pulling up next to him and the back window rolls down. This cannot be happening. Louis needs to invest in some sort of restraining order.

“Go away Styles,” Louis demands not even giving him the time of day by looking over. He keeps his eyes locked on the footpath in front of him and his chin held high.

“This is the last place I was expecting to find you.”

Louis breaks his confident stance to glare at Harry who is leaning out his window. He looks just as smug as always and probably more than ever he looks like he knows just the power he holds.

"God himself has told me avoid you, so leave me alone.”

Harry laughs but doesn’t skip a beat, “Would you consider avoiding me over breakfast?”

He sounds sincere which is irritating. Louis doesn’t miss the fact that Harry is basically asking the spend the morning after with him, he doesn’t question its implications though. Because all Harry really wants to do is continue to rub Louis transgression in his face like a prize or something.

“Sorry, quite busy actually.”

“Running back to Eleanor already?”

Louis doesn’t reply he keeps walking, he keeps avoiding and he definitely stops flirting if that is what Harry is trying to do here. He sounds like a jealous boyfriend and it gets on his nerves instantly.

“Because I don’t think she will be wishing you Happy Birthday tomorrow night.”

“Nobody knows that we have broken up, let’s keep it that way. Can you do that one simple thing for me Harry? Can you do that for your best friends?” Louis almost shouts focusing his attention back on Harry and off the side walk.

“I really don’t think that is going to work if anyone knows about how much you enjoyed the removal of a certain chastity belt in the back of this very limo.”

Louis stops walking and shoves a fist through the open window grabbing Harry’s collar. He doesn’t look even a fraction scared or afraid. Louis sometimes forgets he is a lot smaller than he thinks he is. Harry looks really into the whole thing so Louis just shoves him back into the car with a blunt force.

He stares him down and replies with his complete attention, “From this moment forward we will never _ever_ mention the events of last night, is that clear?

“Just as clear at the memory of you purring my name over and over again.”

“Well, as far as I am concerned it never happened.”

Louis doesn’t look back now. He grabs his sunglasses from his pocket and puts them on. He needs a drink. And to swipe his credit card.

“I’ll see you at your party tomorrow night.”

Without turning or giving him the attention he craves Louis retorts, “You are officially uninvited.”

But Harry is never one to give up the last word, always craving to have the final say.

“That’s never stopped me before.”

 

Louis sits directly across his dining room table facing Liam and Niall.

“Everything is all set then?” He asks as he closes his folders of planning.

He knows everything is all set and ready he is just checking.

“Yes,” Liam replies confidently.

“Good.”

Just as he replies the elevator sounds and Louis stands. Perfect timing he thinks. Louis excuses himself out of the room and into the foyer, he isn’t quite sure he wants to do this directly in front of Liam and Niall.

Zayn walks towards him in the foyer. Louis feels straight away this is different than the other day when he visited, he feels so much better now. It is quite strange but in a good way, he is sure this is going to work out.

“Zayn,” Louis says tentatively.

“Hey,” he replies looking reluctant, which isn’t a shock.

They stand a far distance between them, a sort of symbol of how they feel about each other.

“Look,” Louis starts breaking the silence, “I know you’re sorry, and have said sorry like a million times now. I forgive you, okay? I get it, and we shouldn’t let shit like this come between us I mean we have been friends since before I can remember I think it’s kind of impossible to get away from each other now. I’m sorry as well, for you know being me about it all.”

It is a mouthful but Louis does it to the best of his ability. He is being entirely honest, he thinks Zayn knows that as well.

“You did a stupid thing, and she did a stupid thing but come on we’ve all done things we aren’t proud of. I just-“Louis tries not to get to emotional.

“I really need my best friend. I really need him this summer and I need him now.”

“Louis you don’t have to-“

“Seriously Zayn, I wouldn’t if I didn’t mean it.”

“Okay,” Zayn replies in his typical fashion, a man of little words.

Louis steps forward and bridges the gap, he pulls him into a hug which Zayn groans at. It feels like the way it is supposed to be. As he hugs him he thinks they will be better this time, less lying and competition now that certain things are out of the way. Those certain things being Eleanor Calder’s affections which have always divided and defined them.

He pulls back and says, “You are officially invited to my birthday party tomorrow night.”

Zayn smiles, “I’ll be there, do I get a plus one?”

Louis faults for a second. He remembers Eleanor saying Zayn didn’t love her last night into his shoulder. It can’t be her.

“Sure, who are you going to bring?” He asks inquisitively.

“Perrie Edwards, she goes to constance you know?”

Louis isn’t trying to be rude he just really has never heard of her before. Like at all.

“I’ve never heard of her, is she new?”

Zayn smiles, “She doesn’t really run with our crowd. Pink hair, poet? You’ve probably seen her before she is hard to miss.”

Clearly not, Louis thinks.

“She’s from Brooklyn.”

“That makes sense then,” Louis says rolling his eyes.

“Don’t be mean Lou.”

It is a bit awkward but Zayn and Louis spend the afternoon with Liam and Niall and it feels like old times. Overall it is nice. After everyone leaves Louis has to reluctantly make a phone call he really doesn’t want to make.

“Eleanor,” He answers before she has the chance to get a word in.

“Louis, why are you calling me?” She doesn’t sound sad, just confused.

“You have to come to my party tomorrow night.”

“I’m seriously still invited to that thing?”

“Look everyone thinks we are still together, and until I work my shit out it needs to stay that way,” He demands.

“Is Zayn going to be there?”

“Maybe.”

“Louis.”

“Okay, most probably.”

“Nope, can’t do it.”

“This is the perfect chance for you two to I don’t know, Ah reconnect!”

Eleanor sounds just plain annoyed now, “He is going to go with her isn’t he.”

“Who?”

“That pink hair hipster brooklynite!”

“I don’t know what or who you are talking about,” He lies through his teeth.

“It is all over gossip girl come on Louis.”

“Just please come, I need you!”

He needs her, firstly because everyone thinks they are still together and secondly because it will successfully probably mean Harry will avoid him as long as she is stuck to his side.

“I will not take no for an answer, I’ll send a car,” He hangs up just as she starts whining on about how she doesn’t owe him anything which is such a lie.

It leaves Louis feeling more stressed than ever before. The party is going to be a nightmare he really needs to stop kidding himself. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eighteen candles, a lot of shitty friends and one pretty good one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjooooy :)

The DJ is playing some boy band loudly and Niall’s brother’s apartment is thumping under Louis feet. The party is going bad, not terrible but awkwardly bad. Louis has high expectations though.

Zayn hasn’t arrived but has promised he will. Zayn’s honesty is slightly questionable though.

Eleanor is nowhere in sight, even though the car picking her up left a long time ago.

Niall and Liam are the only constants beside Louis. They keep the conversation going and are being overall good guests and partial hosts.

Harry Styles is nowhere in sight. Sure, the party has only really just started. But Louis taps his foot impatiently. He is uninvited but wouldn’t it be shame if he actually didn’t show up?

Louis downs another drink quickly, he is the birthday boy after all and greets a few more guests.  It’s all ‘Hi, how are you?” and “Glad you could come!”

Zayn walks into the room hand in hand with a definite Brooklynite. She is small and reminds Louis instantly of a pixie or something with her pale pink and grey hair. But she looks like she is wearing Zayn’s leather jacket, and far too much eyeliner. So not so much pixie more undefined girl Zayn.

Louis quickly zones in on them. He might not think she is fit for a party like this but nonetheless Louis will make a good first impression. He is always a good host.

“Glad you could make it! Zayn and... “

Zayn seems appreciative, probably knowing what Louis can be like. He receives Louis pat on the back well.

“Perrie,” she pipes up leaning forward and engulfing Louis in a hug. Louis tries his best really but he can immediately tell getting along with this girl may be a struggle.

She smells a bit like smoke (from Zayn) and flowers (from her) and sounds like she probably has a really loud laugh.

He pulls back and she keeps going, “Thanks so much for inviting me, you really didn’t have to.”

“Oh I invited Zayn,” Louis retorts back with a smile.

She doesn’t miss a beat though laughing and saying, “Thanks for inviting Zayn then, you really didn’t have to.”

Louis smirks and looks at Zayn who seems to be giving him the look. The one that tells him not to be Louis for like five minutes and just be nice. Louis shoots him one back that reminds him he is just looking out for him. The same way Zayn looks out for him (he does a shit job but someone has to be the good friend and someone has to be the below average one)

He thinks of Eleanor for a second. He wants to tell her she should just bring someone as well, even out the playing field. But he can’t he needs her for other reasons. People are probably already getting suspicious his lovely girlfriend isn’t stuck to his side.

He shoots the couple a quick have fun and enjoy the party before turning to leave them.

His eye immediately catches Harry watching him from the bar. Louis wish came true then didn’t it? Always one for a confrontation Louis walks straight up towards him. He can feel his eyes bare into him with every step he takes. He looks good, too good in his suit (probably YSL) and his shirt (really way too sheer)

He is wearing all black. Fuck him.

“I thought I told you that you were uninvited?”

Harry eyes down at him, “I don’t recall it.”

“Leave,” Louis demands desperately hoping he won’t. He tries desperately to make himself appear bigger and checks to make sure he isn’t making a scene. No one is watching.

“Don’t want your present then?” Harry smiles back knowing.

“Fine, “Louis gives in easily.

“Let’s go outside, and you can have it.”

“No can do, I’m waiting for my girlfriend.”

Harry turns his head down and laughs into his glass. He quickly leans forward towards Louis is whispers in his ear dragging the word out to its full potential, “Ex-girlfriend.”

Louis visibly gulps. This really isn’t a good situation to get himself into. You know like, dating someone who you have actually broken up with while visibly wanting to remove the clothing of another in a room full of people. Harry wants to play too many games and Louis knows it.

“Fine, let’s go out to the balcony.”

Louis is weak. Both to the promise of gifts and to the company of this boy.

Louis lets himself be led out of the busy room and onto the quieter balcony. It’s nice he thinks as he is given a drink by Harry and they lean against the railing together. It’s strange though being led someone and out of control at his own party.

“I don’t think she is coming Lou, “Harry says breaking the silence.

Louis knows this already, “I know. It’s my fault as well.”

He turns his body and faces out towards the city letting the wind brush against his face.

“I guess I just don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know how to let go.”

“It’s easy. You just let go,” Harry says like it is the simplest thing in the world.

“You have no idea.”

He doesn’t,  when has he had to disappoint people? Or let everyone’s grand expectations be failed?

“Come on, you’re better off without her.”

Louis turns his body back and stares up at Harry. He senses something in his face and in the under tones of that statement. The way it doesn’t sound like a mocking joke or a sarcastic remark. It sounds almost sincere, which means something completely different. It sounds like you’re better off without her, you’re better off with me.

“You sound like a jealous boyfriend,” Louis inquires quickly.

Harry avoids eye contact instantly, he laughs and then takes a quick drink before saying, “Yea right, you wish.”

It’s fumbled and not the Harry Styles presented to the world that everyone knows. It’s the Harry Styles Louis knows he quickly notes.

Louis keeps his eyes locked tight, “No. You wish.”

Harry keeps avoiding his eyes.

“Harry Styles, “Louis says forcing him to look. He does.

“Do you like me?” The word like comes out like a virus or something Louis doesn’t want to get to near.

Harry straightens himself, “Define like.”

It is simple and soft and just floats into the wind like it isn’t this grand confession. From anyone else it wouldn’t be a big thing but from him, most definitely it is Louis thinks.

“Oh my god.”

“Oh god, Harry Styles likes me. No, No, this is not happening.”

Louis starts rambling, running a hand through his hair and staring him down wide eyed. His heart beats a lot faster than it should be. Is this a game? Is this some sort of sick joke? Or is he being serious right now? Louis faults, those eyes look serious. This isn’t a game.

“How do you think I feel?” Harry almost shouts, checking to see the people around them are totally uninterested anyway.

“I can’t eat or sleep, I mean I feel like there is something inside me.”

He looks panicked like he wants Louis to cure him or something. Like Louis will nod along and say yea sure I understand I feel the same way.

Louis replies, “What? Butterflies?”

Harry keeps the same look of anguish and gives a small nod.

“No, this is not happening. I’m sorry Harry but this had got to be stopped.”

“I couldn’t agree more, I would like my life, mind and body back thanks,” Harry says.

“What like this is my fault? You think I can fix this?”

“No, I just I’ve never felt like this before!”

Louis places his empty glass on the side of the railing.

“Go find a nice guy, get drunk, I don’t know just...” Louis takes a step towards him placing a reassuring hand on Harry’s shoulder, “Get it out of your system, and trust me this is a one day thing, before you know I will just be another guy again.”

Louis steps back and retreats inside. He needs away from him before he does something he will regret. He catches Harry through the glass, he looks both pissed off and defeated. Louis wouldn’t be surprised if he left now, it would actually be nice he reasons. Although he does still want his present.

He is a bit disorientated but quickly finds Niall and Liam.

“Where ‘s Zayn?”

Liam does his face. That is never good.

“He ah, had to leave. He tried to say goodbye though! He’s sorry,” Liam stumbles out.

Louis quickly fumbles in his back pocket for his phone. He has two new messages.

_zayn: me and pez had to leave, something came up. you should really stay away from harry._

_el: Sorry I didn’t come I’m a shit friend and I know it, I just can’t please understand xx_

It is strange, the feeling of standing alone in a room full of people and feeling alone. Louis looks up from his phone and has two pairs of eyes staring at him.

“Let’s do the cake!,” Louis says way too enthusiastically.

His friends stare back at him blank faced.

“Shouldn’t we wait for Eleanor?” Niall almost whispers like it is a secret she isn’t here.

“We broke up!”

They keep staring, although look a little bit shocked. Someone behind Louis gasps. Someone to his side says, “Shut the fuck up.”

It is totally going to be on gossip girl within minutes. He panics. The room seems a lot smaller now, everyone is looking.

“Cake. Now.” Louis demands, clapping his hands in front of him.

He can do this. He can breathe and pretend its okay, he can blow out the candles without any of his friends.

They place the cake on the table in front of him and Louis does light up a bit. He feels empty though. Only then does he feel the presence of someone standing next to him, a warmth to his side he didn’t notice before.

He turns his head and meets Harry’s eyes peering down at him. It’s all green and warmth and familiar.

“You didn’t leave?” Louis asks without thinking.

“Why would I do that?”

Louis wants to say because everyone else does. But he doesn’t. He lets Harry, Liam and Niall crowd around him.

Everyone else stands back and sings. He doesn’t think about all the bad things that have been going on or the fact that he has never done this without Zayn and Eleanor as far back as he can remember. He just listens and smiles and blows all eighteen of them out at the right moment.

They give him a round of applause but it feels empty and he shoots a beaming smile before standing on his toes. He crows Harry and whispers, “Get me out of here.”

He happily obliges. The pair leave the cake, the people and his friends slipping easily into the crowd. Just hand in hand they sneak of the door. Louis is probably laughing a bit more than he should be, it is to stop the tears and the constant ache. They crowd by the elevator, Louis looking up at Harry because what else does he do when he is around him.

“That was the worst party ever,” Louis says into the back of his hand with a laugh and a dry sob. Just on queue his phone vibrates in his back pocket which is probably just an announcement of his ultimate demise.

Harry speaks as the elevator sounds. “Well it’s over now.”

Harry and Louis crowd into then out of the elevator. Louis can’t help but notice the way in which Harry is watching him. It burns into every inch of his skin, it sets him alight. Not even in the attention way, but in the way in which he can feel himself back on that stage. He can feel the parts of him he tries to hide away being pulled to the surface.

They sneak into Harry’s waiting limo and Louis feeling oddly aware that this is the second time this weekend he has been in here. He is sure he won’t repeat the mistakes of last time though. He feels subdued, all he wants to do is be comforted.

Harry suddenly looks affronted all of a sudden as they drive through the streets, “Your present,” he mumbles before reaching into his shirt. He retrieves a small box and places it in front of them holding it just out of Louis reach.

Smiling, he slowly opens the lid and shows him a set of diamond cuff links. Louis instantly recognizes them. He had picked them out, and forgotten. It has been months ago. He didn’t even remember telling Harry about them, it was supposed to be something his mother was going to pick up hopefully.

“How?” is the only word that comes out as he reaches to run a finger over them carefully.

“Jay is a bit of talker isn’t she, “Harry says as he gently takes the cuff links out and reaches for Louis wrist.

He carefully secures the links in place and smiles back at Louis, full dimples on display. It is adorable, he looks so proud to be pleasing him and for doing something right for once.

“Something this wonder deserves to be seen on something worthy of its beauty, “He continues holding Louis hands in his own.

He doesn’t feel like he is fishing for something more and that is what makes Louis lean forward and slowly kiss him. Just once, with little purpose or intent. It’s soft, but reignites the flame inside him, deep slow and spreading.

Louis threads their fingers together and whispers, “Thank you.”

“Happy Birthday Lou and I’m sorry about everything and everyone else,” Harry replies.

 And Louis kisses him again. The same gentle lights illuminating them but maybe not the same rush or urgency, something calmer fills the air. Louis thinks as his hearts pace quickens maybe this was never a mistake to begin with, maybe it was meant to be if he wants this so badly.

He doesn’t realise it now but it has probably been both the best birthday and the worst in one night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> big things are happening!! we are about to get into some really good stuff soon


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry is apparently delusional but a great make out partner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the most amazing thing came to me the other night, nick grimshaw is carter baizen

Time seems to move rapidly, two weeks pass in the blink of Louis eye.

The public fall out via the break up isn’t as bad as Louis thought it may be, sure people question him and his standing but those who mattered remained loyal. Eleanor spent some time off, and returned just as quickly. With no one leaking the secrets of her affair she remained the same as before, maybe just a bit heartbroken.

That probably had to do with Zayn and Perrie and less to do with Louis. They were officially that couple now. Zayn ditched his high class bad boy lifestyle to embrace the legitimate authentic Brooklyn life. He was now a sort of in between,  wearing vintage and doing poetry with Perrie, while saving historic buildings and advancing all sorts of vegan lifestyles. It was endearing, but he still remained Zayn nonetheless Louis noted. Just the new Zayn.

It was strange for Louis though because him and Zayn switched places, he went from being the best friend with girlfriend to the best friend who was really ultimately single. Well, single in the _technical_ term.

It was difficult though because while he loved Zayn and wanted to support his friend and salvage their friendship back to what it was he felt torn. Perrie was nice. But things weren’t quite right. It plagued him. Did she know about the Eleanor thing? Did she know Eleanor still loved him? Was Zayn being honest or not? Had he spoken to Eleanor?

Louis raises his arm in turn with those next to him. He listens to the instructor and takes a step forward towards his partner. Her name is Mia he chants in his head. The name is easy to forget but she isn’t, Mia is studying abroad in New York and just happens to be some sort of distant from the throne Princess of Monaco. Minor details really.

After Louis’ mother had found out about Eleanor and him she had used her connections wisely, apparently Mia’s mother liked Jay’s designs a lot and everything fell right into place. Her beautiful son would be hopefully escorting this lovely Princess to the cotillion this weekend.

He didn’t really want to be doing this, he did wasn’t to go to cotillion but he didn’t want to have a miserable time. But everyone did it and it was kind of not an option. And beside she was nice, thoughtful and a great dancer. At least he wasn’t stuck taking his mothers second choice Taylor, who he could see fumbling around trying to get Harry’s attention.

Louis is momentarily distracted and misses a beat. Embarrassed he quickly fixes his eyes back of Mia who seems smiles back and seems fine with his stupid mistake.

It’s just, dancing is hard by itself but is harder when you keep getting distracted by someone who won’t take their eyes off you. Harry Styles is literally the most obvious person in the world as he refuses to focus even one percent of his attention on his partner. Instead he gapes at Louis, parting his mouthing and smiling, winking when Louis catches him.

 It’s stupid and reckless. Everything Harry stands for.

The dance leads them forward, Louis raises his hands and Mia does the same. They place them together so they just barely touch. They follow the lead of those around them and circle each other like it’s a game of give a take, just getting close enough but never quite making it. Louis shoulder brushes with Harry’s as they exchange partners. Louis tries not to smile down at his shoes; he isn’t as weak as Harry.

The dance practice finishes and Louis grabs his bag and blazer as everyone starts to mingle. Mia follows him and he politely helps her out. He can practically feel the eyes following him as he does so. He ignores them.

“Thank you, Louis,” She says in her thick accent.

“No problem, I’ll see you Thursday, “He replies politely with a wave as he makes his way over to Zayn.

He is carrying Perrie’s bag and Louis clenches his teeth together. It would be nice to have a chance to speak to Zayn alone but Louis has gotten used to this now.

“Hey, “He greets the pair.

They are both in their uniforms like the rest of the students but the instinctively look different and slightly matching. He wants to ask how Perrie gets away with wearing ripped stockings but last time he asked her how she got away with pink hair she laughed and said her parents managed to make a fair argument about how it is religious expression and Louis thought maybe it is best he doesn’t encourage it via discussion.

They greet him in unison and Zayn looks a bit panicked so Louis questions, “What’s going on?”

“Want to come to Afternoon tea with us?” Zayn asks with mock enthusiasm.

“Why? What’s the catch?”

“His grandparents are in town,” Perrie says with a smile.

Louis laughs, “Oh wow, I’d love to but I actually have plans anyway.”

He says it in a way which says he would never ever actually escort them to that shit storm. Louis has a faint idea that Zayn’s grandparents might not be so fond of his choice in partner. Or even his life choices in general as of late. And as if right on cue Harry slides into the conversation right next to Louis and Zayn brining with him his awe of arrogance and entitlement.

“Hey H,” Zayn says casually as they watch Harry check behind his back to see if he is being followed by his overly eager partner.

Louis tries not to sweat. They are technically all best friends after all.

“Hey, “Harry says to Zayn. He turns his attention to Perrie, “Hi,” He says extending his hand.

She takes it and replies, “Hi, I’m Perrie.”

“Pleasure, I’m-“

“Harry Styles, Yea I know,” She says boldly.

“You want to come to Afternoon tea Harry?” Zayn asks tempting his fate.

Louis cringes but doesn’t panic.

Harry’s voice comes out just as smooth and as practiced as normal, “You know I’d love too, but I’m sorry I have plans.”

“Well babe it’s just us then,” Zayn says. Louis wants to gag. Zayn shouldn’t be this in love.

Zayn doesn’t do love or relationships. Or maybe he does now, maybe this is the new and improved Zayn.

The couple picks up their jackets and things with Zayn still carrying the bags. Perrie carries her high heels in her hand, opting out of wearing them and rather a pair of black studded boots.

“See you tomorrow, “Louis offers as a goodbye as he watches them leave hand in hand.

And then it was just Harry and Louis left standing alone with milling students around them. Harry looks down on him, eyeing his lips with a deep commitment to the cause. Its gross Louis argues internally. He totally isn’t doing the same.

“It was, “Louis starts and fumbles taking a step back, “It was nice seeing you Harry.”

Harry smirks and says to basically everyone around them can hear, “See you around Lou.”

With that Louis shakes his head and makes his escape out the door ignoring the way Harry doesn’t stop watching him. It’s like a game to him, but Louis knows he is definitely in contention to be an equal partner in competition.

 

One thing the last two weeks have taught Louis is that Harry is fond of music. Specifically music no one has heard of and that you can’t really understand what the musician is trying to convey across. So Louis doesn’t know the song that is playing, he doesn’t know what is being said either but he does know it sounds nice. Just like Harry sounds nice right now.

Louis lies beneath him on top of the covers of his double bed. It’s late afternoon, no one is home apart from a few milling maids or cleaners. His mother is in the Hamptons apparently flowing creative juices or something. The door is open and the music is floating through the entire penthouse. Louis strangely feels quite grown up, like he actually owns the place. It is also thrilling knowing everyone in the house knows exactly what he is doing, like it could escape so easily and get out there but they wouldn’t dare. He feels eerily in charge, in a position of power like he owns the place and all its secrets.

Harry is kissing all along his neck. It’s cute but also more than just nice, it’s really hot. But he is making these noises of comfort and contentment and Louis wants to be in control now and make him feel the opposite. He lets him go for a little bit longer though. Harry slowly snakes one hand up and down Louis thigh, letting his fingers do the talking. He spreads them wide and just grips and pulls.

Louis pulls him away from his neck when he feels Harry try to be reckless, “Don’t”

Harry looks up at him under his hand that is holding him back, “What? Leave a mark?”

His eyes are hooded and his mouth is raw and up turned. Louis also notes his hair is pretty fucked up.

He tries to free from Louis grasp and go at it again. But Louis thinks quickly and pushes him up and then flips them over. Harry looks shocked at first, but he is quickly getting used to this. One thing Harry has learnt over the last two weeks is that Louis likes to be in control a lot.

Louis now sits on top, perched on Harry’s thighs and looking down on him. Harry looks even more blissed out now, strangely turned on by the turn of events. Because another thing Harry has learnt is that he never realised it before but maybe he doesn’t like being in control, maybe giving someone else the steering wheel can be fun, or maybe it is only giving Louis the controls that makes him like this. Because as strange as it is nobody really measures up to Louis.

He leans up and Louis meets him halfway. Their lips meet again and Louis fists at his shirt holding him up. It’s a deep kiss, they have been working towards this. While Louis has learnt to appreciate everything to do with sex lately, he has definitely not got tired of this.

He isn’t ashamed to say there is absolutely nothing like spending the afternoon just making out with Harry painfully slowly. The rest will come later he has no doubt about that. But right now while the sun lays low in the sky and the day draws down he wants to build it up gently.

Harry licks into his mouth and he draws close. Louis bites his lip in return. They are both making sounds that are sinfully bad. He really hopes someone can hear. He likes that, it feels like bragging.

Louis lets go of Harry suddenly dropping him on his back. His hair fans out around his head like a halo. It’s cute Louis notes, the way he is this macho figure dominating everyone outside of this room but Louis can break him into a million pieces. Yet he can do the exact same thing to Louis in return. He pushes the idea out of his head, he has been told too many times before they are equals he doesn’t need another reminder. Being compared to Harry isn’t really a compliment at all, but then being compared to Louis isn’t that much of an achievement either.

“You looked pretty hot today on Princess Mia’s arm,” Harry says, his voice sounds a bit strained.

Louis grinds his hips down and presses his arms onto Harry’s chest holding him in place. Harry’s arms are still free though and he instantly reaches for Louis thighs again. Louis lowers himself down kiss Harry again before giving an answer.

He releases his mouth and says, “Is that all I am? An accessory?”

“On her, yes. On me? You’d be so much more,” Harry says stretching trying to meet Louis lips again. Louis holds back and makes him wait for it. He moves his hips instead before quickly moving towards Harry’s neck to try and make it even.

“Well, I can’t be on you. I can’t be anything to you,” He says between kisses and bites.

Louis moves back to Harry’s mouth tempting him with a kiss but not giving in, just whispering, “Don’t want anyone to find out.”

The noise Harry gives in response is neither in agreement or denial. Louis kisses him to shut him up either way. He knows exactly what is doing.

“Take me instead, “Harry says as he parts. He isn’t sure if he meant to say that out loud.

Louis scoffs suddenly. Harry is honestly ridiculous. He seems to not understand the issue with that at all. In Harry’s mind everything is fine and he rules the world, gets his way no matter what. In Louis actual real world, things aren’t that simple.

The whole point of cotillion is to take a girl. Harry and his fuck society morals seem to not get that.

“Fuck off,” Louis says as a reply.

“’m serious. Don’t make me beg.”

Louis smirks down at him. He would quite like the site of Harry begging. Harry has other ideas though, he seems to think he can convince Louis to use other parts of his body other than his mind to make the decision. Not that there is a decision.

Harry pulls Louis down and pushes him off his lap and next to him. He quickly starts making work of undoing the buttons of Louis school shirt, while kissing him again and again. Louis seems to let go all together then, letting Harry do what he pleases.

“Mr Louis!,” Someone shots from downstairs.

“Shit, “Louis scrambles and pushes Harry off, who was trying really hard to make a love bite on his chest.

“Mr Louis! There is someone here to see you!”

“Coming!”

Harry flops back on the bed as Louis extracts himself and tries to quickly button his shirt back together and smooth over his hair. He looks a right mess and he knows it.

“Stay,” He hisses at Harry who looks bored and pissed off now.

Louis makes quick work of the stairs and prays this is a quick visit.

He is surprised when he finds Eleanor standing in his foyer. He still considers them friends, but doesn’t have any idea why she is here. He mentally remembers she hadn’t attended dance practice today, or the other day. She was seriously lacking behind, and he knew for certain she wasn’t one to miss important events like cotillion no matter what.

“Louis, “She greets but doesn’t embrace him. It still is a little bit awkward with the whole skipping the birthday party thing, he doesn’t hold it against her though. He has her mistake to thank for the almost perfect boy up in his bed.

“El, what do you want?” He says, and his voice definitely sounds weird.

She smiles at him and starts, “Look, I consider us good friends regardless of our relationship status and good friends help each other out.”

Louis nods in agreement.

“I don’t have a date to cotillion. Well, I do but at this rate it is Nick Grimshaw or nothing. Please, please tell me you don’t have a date.”

Louis really wants to not have a date, but going with Eleanor is going to complicate things. They are publically broken up now.

“Sorry, I’m going with Mia.”

Eleanor looks a bit grief stricken, “She’ll understand! Just tell her you can’t go with her now.”

“El, just go with Nick I’m sure he isn’t that bad,” Louis reasons. It is a complete lie Nick Grimshaw is probably the worst person he has ever met. He left St Jude’s like three years ago but seems to mentally think he is still in high school. Plus he spends all of his parent’s money on stupid shit and has terrible hair.

It would be a shame if Eleanor had to attend with him.

Her fists are balled up into tiny fists and she looks like she doesn’t want to say what she is going to say but does it anyway, “I can’t that won’t make Zayn jealous, you will though.”

Louis doesn’t want to get into this; he is in a good place with all his friends. He is fine with Mia he quickly demands internally. She is nice, she can dance. He doesn’t need justice or to get even.

She looks up at him with pleading eyes, “Come on Lou. It works for both of us, it will probably make someone jealous for you-“

He doesn’t want to think about the implications of that sentence. She knows nothing, no one does.

“-We always said we were going to do this. We were twelve Lou, and you promised me you would make sure I went to cotillion.”

Louis stares at his feet trying not to smile, he sort of whispers, “It’s in the scrapbook isn’t it.”

Eleanor lunges forward toward him taking him into a hug, “Is that a yes?”

Louis gives a small bit of resistance before pushing her off. Boundaires. They are ex’s after all.

“Yea, okay. But only because I don’t want you going with Nick, that would reflect badly on me.”

She sort of bounces on her feet and says thank you a thousand times.

“Only as friends!”

“I know I know,” She says with a kiss on each cheek before she disappears just as quickly to go to her dress fitting with a few more thank you’s and ‘I owe you’s!’

Louis does think it is mutually beneficial. He isn’t even thinking about the effect it might have on Harry until he walks into his room. Harry is standing by the door, obviously listening with a frown on his face.

He doesn’t really have a right to be upset. Louis doesn’t know. They are just friends. Who enjoy sleeping together a lot (And who buy each other expensive jewellery, and take virginities and make birthdays worthwhile and get jealous.)

It’s stupid if he is jealous or something. Louis doesn’t care that he is taking someone else. Why should he care? It isn’t like this means anything.

“That was easy,” Harry murmurs with his back towards Louis.

‘What?”

“You go back to her so easily,” Harry says with a bit more effort and volume.

Louis throws himself on the bed and ignores Harry. It isn’t worth the effort. He is such a grump and is putting a downer on the mood. He just waits for him to turn back and around. He does eventually after scanning Louis bookshelf and desk as if searching for a clue.

They simply stare at each other from across the room until Louis breaks the silence.

“You want a blowjob or not?”

He smirks and climbs back onto the bed. Louis sees it as a victory. Conflict avoided or maybe just stalled. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> secret affair make out scenes are the best this was so fun to write! (also note that perrie is like a hybrid of dan and jenny basically i couldn't decide so i made her both)


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's cotillion and people play more games then they do dance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (i tend to write when the fandom annoys me so this is early plus quite long yaay)  
> this chapter features jealous harry, zayn being a real flop and lots of drama.

Normally Jay would be totally opposed to a last minute escort change, but it’s Eleanor and Jay pretty much bows down to the feet of Eleanor Calder. Therefore she orchestrates everything perfectly. She manages to sort of the matching suit, the flowers, the title cards and everything else without breaking a sweat. It’s likely because she had other people do most of the work for her but Louis appreciates the sentiment.

Louis had reminded his mother constantly their relationship was not back on, but he doesn’t think she got the message. Neither did most of the students and Constance Billard and St Judes. Gossip Girl herself had been not so quick to judge but promoted the idea anyway.

Louis didn’t feel guilty as he gave himself a once over in the back of the car. He wasn’t the one who suggested they do this, he merely accepted the invite and set firm rules. He made it clear they were just friends, and he was pretty sure Eleanor felt the same way. He didn’t mind the publicity though, you know what they say any publicity is good publicity. It is better to be talked about then not talked about at all.

The car pulls up to the hotel ballroom and the door is opened. Louis lets his mother and her date exit first while he panicked slightly. This night was going to be dramatic no matter how much he fretted and made a plan of action.

He was to meet Eleanor and stick by her side all night. He had to avoid Harry Styles and his constant glare. He also had to avoid Nick Grimshaw and make sure Nick Grimshaw avoided Harry, or he might just have to intervene. Eleanor had to be kept away from Zayn and she had to be restrained if she even caught the eye of Perrie Edwards. Louis also had to remember all his steps, be a gracious partner and not try to trip Taylor over.

He could manage it.

Louis steps out of the car and buttons his blazer up in a smooth fluid motion. The air is slightly cold out so he quickly joins his mother and enters in. He isn’t trying to brag but everyone probably is waiting for his entrance. It is a quick flurry of shaking hands and greetings.

Eleanor waits by the doors with her parents in tow. She looks just as lovely as ever. He notes she is wearing one of his mother’s dresses. How cliché. It’s beautiful and silvery white. But it does look lovely and he is immediately proud to be her date, and friend more than anything. He likes this. They might just be able to get past everything one day.

She smiles up at him with brown eyes, “Hello.”

“Hi,” Louis says back, “Here this is for you.”

He takes the box he was holding containing her corsage. She had picked it out. But she smiles anyway like she had no idea this was coming.

Louis takes her hand and wraps the flowered bracelet around her small wrist. She lifts it into the light and admires it as he hands the empty box to his mother.

“It looks lovely, you look amazing,” Louis says like he hasn’t said it a million times before.

She smiles, “Thanks. Pal.”

And they both can help but crack up at the awkwardness of this all.

Louis supposes things don’t really ever get back to normal after you date for a few years and everything sort of gets ruined. But nonetheless he thinks he might just enjoy tonight.

“You want a drink?” He motions to both his parents and Eleanor.

She nods and Louis takes it upon himself to be a gentleman and get a drink for her. And maybe also try and find his friends.

Louis steps away and leaves their parents who seem to have fallen into a deep conversation now and walks towards the bar.

The room has quickly filled up as people mingle and assemble before the event. But Louis easily glides through the crowd, only stopping to say hello to a few people.

It isn’t until he is standing at the bar until he feels it. Louis quickly turns his head to the side and sees Harry approaching him through the throngs of people.

He looks really good. It’s almost breath taking if he weren’t too proud to admit it. His hair for once is actually tamed back and he is in this breath taking black suit. He is also wearing a flower on his lapel. Which is typical. And quirky. And maybe a tiny bit cute.

Louis knows he is staring now. It’s like a natural reaction now that he knows he can have him and that maybe just maybe he owns a part of him. He averts his eyes back to the bar where he tries and fails to get some drinks.

Harry slides up next to him. The first thing Louis notes is he smells amazing. It fucks with his head. It caves its way into his airways, and it circulates throughout him slowly seducing him with past thoughts and memories.

“You should be with your date,” Harry says, it’s low and Louis knows he is the only one who can hear it. He isn’t looking but he feels Harry’s warm breath on his ear. It comes and goes so quickly and he instantly misses both the feeling and the sound.

“You should be with yours,” Louis quips back looking up at him in a moment of weakness. He looks even better up close than he did from a far.

“I’d rather be with you,” Harry says not letting a beat pass. Louis is rewarded with the same feeling of fullness as Harry’s voice greets him. It’s rich and soothing.

He pulls himself away scolding how Harry doesn’t even have to think about his response. He just does. He is wild and untamed with little care for others emotions. It’s both similar to the way Louis is but so entirely different.

Louis motions to the bartender and catches his attention therefore starts making his drinks, “I’d rather you listened to me for once and left me alone like I wanted,” he says between gritted teeth but slightly louder than before with the distance between them.

Harry lets out an exhale which sounds like he is both contemplating Louis and laughing at him. Louis isn’t looking but he knows he is smirking at him.

“My date is boring me to death. Not to mention my father, who can’t stand to be in the same room as me.”

Louis ignores him and picks up his two glasses.

He does feel a tad but guilty. He knows Harry doesn’t like to talk about his father, but he feels deep down Harry is only bringing it up to soften him and reel him in. He knows Louis weakness is his ability to care deeply for those he loves.

Harry continues, “You know you really shouldn’t leave your date alone Louis, never know who will talk to her or what she’ll get up to.”

Louis glares at him but Harry is already backing away. It’s a challenge and Louis knows it. Harry wants to play a game and he wants Louis to lose. Because Louis losing means Louis in Harry’s arms. 

He watches him back into the crowd and merely shakes his head. He can’t follow him and risk Harry leading him into an empty room, which will quickly turn bad. He also really doesn’t want more people catching on or eyeing them together. He isn’t paranoid he just really doesn’t want his private life on Gossip Girl.

Louis steps away from the bar and starts to retreat back to Eleanor heeding Harry’s warning.

As soon as he does he is interrupted by Zayn. Who for once in his life is alone. It is both a nice sight and one that instantly startles Louis.

“Hi-“

“Where’s Eleanor?” Zayn looks inquisitive.

Louis knows he knows they are here together.

He instantly tries to pin point an emotion on this all. Does Louis want to spite him? Or simply make him be honest with himself? He isn’t sure, maybe it is a mix of both.

Louis motions to the door, “By the door.”

Zayn steps in the direction of where Eleanor is but Louis quickly blocks him.

“Zayn don’t.”

No matter what Louis felt when he agreed to it and no matter what he wants to achieve by the statement he is making by bringing her he doesn’t want to fuck this all up.

“I just want to talk to her-“

“Zayn. Not now, do it later. God, you have a date,” Louis spits the words out and shoves past Zayn.

He can still hear Harry’s words echoing in his head. It feels like everyone in this room is a potential threat now against his better judgement and his sanity.

When he finally makes eye contact with where he left Eleanor he notices she is gone. He is left standing and gaping at their parents and a missing date.

In his calmest voice he asks his mother, “Where has Eleanor run off to?”

Jay smiles back at him, “Not quite sure darling, she only left a second ago.”

Louis doesn’t have time to panic because right then Eleanor and Harry appear from behind the crowd. Louis saw this coming. He saw it in neon signs on a spiteful and jealous childish Harry. And he knew Eleanor blinded by her ambitions and unrequited love would be an easy target.

He just isn’t sure the fall out will be.

Eleanor thanks him for her glass and takes it, drinking quickly as soon as it is in her hand.

Harry has that look on his face as he seems to just blend into the circle. He radiates onto Louis, heat pooling between them like magnetic pull no one else can feel.

His face question, _are you jealous now? Do you feel what I feel?_

But Louis isn’t quite sure. Is he supposed to be jealous of Harry being with Eleanor or Eleanor being with Harry? Maybe he feels neither maybe it is just anger and spite. And maybe Harry needs to learn making people angry doesn’t make people love you.

Jay coos over Harry and tells him it has been too long since she has seen him around. Little does she know how much time he has spent at her house for the last few weeks. Harry grins knowingly and agrees.

“Louis ought to invite me over more I reckon.”

Jay laughs so does Eleanor. Louis doesn’t.

“Speaking of people I never see, where is your father tonight?”

“Not quite sure, but now that you mention him I should probably find him.”

He leaves just as quickly as he came and leaves a reckoning in Louis head.

By this time they are supposed to be getting ready to do the procession and announcement but Louis crowds Eleanor. Everyone else partners up and goes to take their positions, Louis watches their parents take their seats at their table waiting until they are alone.

“What did he want?” he spits out, angry at Harry not Eleanor.

“Nothing,” Eleanor says unconvincing.

“Is it to do with Zayn? Don’t listen to him El.”

“Shut up Louis,” she grits out.

“I’m serious, he is playing you-“

“He wants to help me-“

“Bullshit,” Louis wants to scream, he wants to get even with him.

Eleanor stops and glares at Louis, hands on hips, “Listen, we aren’t dating Louis. We’re friends. You made that clear. I have just as much to lose as you do-“

Louis mimics her motions, “What does that mean?” He demands, definitely not liking her tone or implications.

“I’m not blind you idiot,” she shifts her eyes around to check they are still alone and no one is listening.

“Me and Zayn, you and Harry. We’ve been friends for almost 10 years Louis.”

It sort of hits Louis and he zones out.

“While I was pinning over Zayn, Harry was definitely pinning over you. Just you are too blind to see it.”

He can just hear her saying to no one in particular now, ‘God we are so fucked up’ and he can’t help but agree.

Like before he doesn’t have time to panic. They are running so late that one of the ushers literally pulls them out of the empty room and into place. Louis feels like he is in shock.

It can’t be that obvious can it. Or maybe it always has been. He knows despite his best interests he has always known about Eleanor and Zayn. It was just something he was in denial about.

Eleanor grips his hand quickly and squeezes, “We are in this together, okay?” she whispers gently.

Louis nods back and comes into reality. He is standing in procession waiting. This isn’t his moment this is hers and like she said they are in this together.

He just can’t help but feel Harry watching him. The constant ache and reminder of I want this to be me and you (the impossible dream) and the reminder of what there is to lose.

Louis dulls it by focusing on other things. It’s the glint of the chandeliers, the drone of the woman reading the cards and even the girls’ unattainable goals and achievements being read out.  

His internal monologue is interrupted by, “Eleanor Jane Calder, daughter of Albert Calder and Martha Calder, treasury member.”

Eleanor steps away from his side and steps up into her place.

“Eleanor plays field hockey and is a member of the preservation society, her charity works include the city mission, reading to blind children and bearding.”

No one laughs, no one probably even gets the joke. That is in terms of the audience watching. However Louis feels every single eye both on stage and standing next to him eye him down. They get it. Louis instantly wants to stare each and every one of them down, take his rightful place at the top of the stairs and remind them he is still so much better than them all combined.

Eleanor doesn’t flinch. The speaker doesn’t stop talking or even notice what she has said.

“Eleanor plans to graduate at the top of her class at Constance Billard, and attend Yale in the fall. She is escorted by Louis Tomlinson.”

Louis is supposed to be walking but he can’t. He feels someone press the hand onto his back and their thumb gently pushes him forward. It’s comforting and familiar. He doesn’t have to think twice to know who it is.

He joins Eleanor on stage, looping their arms together and escorting her to her rightful place. He isn’t thinking about not tripping or how many steps he is supposed to be taking.

He is thinking who the fuck would do that. Who has it out for him. And who is he supposed to be murdering.

It is over quicker than Louis thought it would be and they are being shuffled onto the dance floor. It is probably because the entire time he spent standing on stage he was plotting revenge, his favourite thing to do.

Eleanor grips his hand tight. He leans in close as they take their places.

“Sorry,” he whispers.

She stares back quickly affronted, “Someone wants to make a fool of me.”

She looks and sounds angry. They have no time for emotions though because the music is starting and they are stepping back from each other.

They quickly join hands again like all the other couples. It is a fluid motion and they effortlessly pull it off.

They twist and turn and dip and move.

“No, Eleanor I think I know who it was,” Louis whispers trying to move his lips as little as possible.

They do three steps before Eleanor answers, “Harry would never.”

“He would do anything.”

“If you think that, then maybe you don’t know Harry.”

Louis faults. His mind stutters. She is right. Harry wouldn’t do that.

Louis was twelve and Harry was only eleven. Both of their parents were away and they spent the weekend holed up with Harry’s nanny in charge. He was too old for a nanny, but too young to look after himself. It was a regular occurrence, because out of every one they knew they had the most similarly dysfunctional families so it was only right they would band together.

Louis remembers three things.

The penthouse suit was far too big just them. Louis and Harry therefore pulled their beds into the lounge and around the sofas. They draped blankets over chairs and found any lamp or lights they could. It was a safe haven.

Harry had this lamp that shone stars onto the roof of their fort. He could flicker them to how every many he wanted or as few as he pleased. He settled for two stars. Louis remembers that he said they were the two stars. Two little lights that needed each other. It didn’t make much sense then and doesn’t know. But people need stars and stars need each other.

Harry looked at him with blinking wide eyes and the same inquisitive charm. He stuttered and asked if he could share a secret. Louis agreed because he didn’t actually have that many people that wanted to share secrets with him but Harry was one of them and Louis actually wanted to listen to. Harry left the star light on and whispered that sometimes he likes boys. And sometimes it makes him scared. Louis asked why and he started to say he wasn’t sure, he just liked boys like he likes girls. Louis said no, why does it make you scared? And Harry said he wasn’t sure either. Louis didn’t say much. He never did with Harry, he didn’t need to. But at that moment he whispered an agreement.

Simple secrets shared between children became facts but never forgotten.

Louis keeps moving, he keeps dancing but doesn’t reply for a while.

“You’re right.” He wouldn’t. But it doesn’t mean he wouldn’t do other things.

Louis turns Eleanor and exchanges partners in a swift motion. He is greeted with Liam’s partner Sophia, and they dance for a few seconds. She keeps her eyes low and her smile wide.

He exchanges again and ends up with Taylor. Her bangs and blonde hair irritate him more than anything. She has on a fake pity smile.

He has to hand her back to Harry and as he does their arms brush together.

Louis can’t help but notice just before Harry lets Eleanor go he whispers in her ear. She nods slowly.

Back with their originally partners again, they bow and are finished.

Eleanor drops their arms and pulls away from Louis without a second thought. It happens so quickly Louis doesn’t have time to step in. But Eleanor is grabbing Perrie Edwards and shoving her to the ground and out of Zayn’s arms.

Perrie is quicker and stronger than she looks and even though she is now lying on a ballroom floor in a gown she yanks Eleanor down as well. They land together, a pile of messy chiffon and ruffles.

Louis panics. He steps forward but isn’t quick enough.

Eleanor starts shoving Perrie away and off from her.

“Get off me,” Eleanor screams.

“You started it! What the fuck are you doing?,” Perrie yells back confused.

Perrie tries to free herself and Eleanor lets go.

Louis only now notices not only is everyone in the entire rooming staring but Zayn is just standing there. Louis shoves him out of the way and extends his arm to Eleanor who gladly takes it.

She pulls herself up from the floor but doesn’t give Louis, Perrie or Zayn a second look. She runs, grabbing all of her dress and making an escape.

Zayn apparently makes his choice. He extends his hand to Perrie and helps her up, but leaves it at that. He follows in Eleanor’s direction leaving a now tearful Perrie Edwards in the middle of the dance floor.

Louis grabs Harry who is standing behind him simply watching.

He yanks him by the collar off the dance floor, through the doors and into the empty hall way. Harry doesn’t protest. Louis doesn’t care who is watching now. They are all distracted anyway, there are better things to talk about.

“I didn’t do it,” Harry pants breathless. He raises his hands as if surrendering innocent.

“Didn’t do what? Fuck with Eleanor’s announcement card? But you did do that, “Louis is shouting he knows and is extending his hand pointing towards to closed doors where the drama lies.

“Do you think this is a game?” Louis demands.

Harry is up for a fight and he gazes down at Louis ready for it, “She wanted help. I gave it to her.”

“No, you wanted my date gone you think it’s a game. _God_ , I don’t understand you.”

Harry goes to speak but Louis cuts him off.

“People aren’t toys Harry, people aren’t pawns.”

“You aren’t,” Harry says quietly.

“Are we doing this now?”

“Lou-“

“Don’t. Stop. You need to stop being jealous. And childish.”

Harry steps back, “I’m not.”

“You think two right moves and you’ll get the prize. But Harry you said it yourself, I’m not an object I’m not an accessory.”

“Yet here we are, “Harry says defensively suddenly passionate again.

Louis has had enough and brushes past him. Harry tries to grab onto Louis waist but has no luck. It is a weak effort, you can’t stop someone when they want to go.

Louis doesn’t get it. He doesn’t understand and he doesn’t try at all.

The only person Louis sees before he leaves the building hoping to find Eleanor or just get the hell out is Nick Grimshaw. Louis tells him to fuck off. It doesn’t make anything feel any better. The only thing that makes things feel better is taking off the stupid cuff links Louis thought would be a good idea and shoving them in his pocket forgotten. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! x


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone is hiding a secret and someone is telling secrets. Louis Tomlinson might be doing both.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this has taken a while because of christmas and new years but alas it is done and posted and i feel like i am in the swing of things again! enjoy

Louis is in panic mode. Like full on ring the alarm, batten the hatches and secure the ropes sort of panic.

The thing was it was completely out of his hands. The damage had been done, and all he could do was scramble and prepare for the worst and the subsequent fall out.

The ball started rolling at cotillion with Eleanor being called out of bearding for charity. Which while rude to Eleanor in her moment in the spotlight it was more so a stab at Louis. He knew it. He just didn’t know who knew it.

It could have easily been swept under the rug and forgotten about but instead Gossip Girl had either taken it upon herself to dig for dirt or someone was happily feeding it to her.

But no matter what way you looked at it she was out to get Louis it seemed, and she wanted to take everybody around him down as collateral damage.

Its three days after cotillion and she drops what Louis considers the bomb.

Gossip Girl had hinted a few small things. Like a little hint and reminder one day, a question the next but overall mostly harmless things.

Then she just goes for it while Louis securing his locker after the final bell. He hears the rings and chimes up and down the hall along with his own in his pocket, like a chorus of impending doom.

_“Boys Are Hiding A Secret”_

Louis just reads the title and dashes. He isn’t doing this is the middle of the hallway with everyone’s eyes on him. He needs out and fast, and he definitely has to talk to Harry.

But he dashes right into Liam and Niall, who he hasn’t been avoiding but just hasn’t been making an effort to see.

“Louis, where have you been all week?”

Louis tries not to stammer, “I’ve been busy.”

“Is this about Gossip Girl?” Niall says like he is ready for a fight.

“Yea,” Liam steps in as well, “I don’t know where she is getting her sources from but she is making all these things sound like you.”

Louis rolls his eyes, “I’m really not bothered by some gossip website.”

Niall frowns, “Really? Because we are so ready for a take down.”

Liam always the rational one doesn’t quite agree with Niall, “I mean we could probably try talk to her? Make her stop this?”

Louis raises his hand, “I’m working on it. I guess, just quell the rumours, be on the lookout for people acting suspicious and maybe lay some fake rumours around to see if people leak them.”

They nod together and Louis is kind of glad he has such great friends like these two. They really are quite loyal and always in awe of him. The three of them make a good team, or he makes a good leader and they make good minions.

Niall and Liam go to leave the front steps of St Jude’s where they are standing but Zayn staggers through the schools front doors and into the cold.

He seems surprised but so happy to finally catch Louis. Louis does admit he has been hiding out these last few days, both because he is embarrassed and a maybe a bit annoyed at Zayn.

They all greet each other and Louis and Zayn start walking down the steps and out of the school grounds together. They round the corner quickly leaving Niall and Liam behind.

Zayn stops them though and pulls them around a corner, out of everyone’s peering eyes and way. It is a busy Tuesday afternoon.

Louis watches as Zayn lights up and offers him one. He declines.

It’s getting cold. It’s definitely fall Louis notes.

“I don’t want to be the last one to know Louis.”

Louis bites back his retort about how he was the last one to know about a few certain things.

“There isn’t much to know,” Louis says instead.

Zayn eyes him up and down.

“I get if you don’t want to talk. I get it, just... I’m here- you can always talk to me you know?”

Louis isn’t quite sure but this is more than he has gotten from Zayn in a while. So he accepts it with open arms. He doesn’t comment on how this is the first time Zayn has been alone in a while.

“Okay. Same goes for you.”

Zayn finishes smoking and smiles at him, “You want to come over? My parents and sisters are away?”

Louis does want to go but he knows what he has to do today so he politely declines. He knows its Zayn’s way of telling him needs to talk about something but Louis feels as if self preservation is more important than best friend duties. They climb into different cabs and go separate ways with a promise that Louis will talk to him properly soon.

While Louis makes his way in fishes for his phone in his pocket. He could just avoid it but he isn’t quite in that mood.

He opens the message and scans through it. It’s bad but not that bad. It mentions two boys one you probably wouldn’t be surprised to hear about, and one that would definitely come as a shock and how they are totally sleeping together.

That may or may not be true. They technically aren’t sleeping together.

Louis flicks a quick text to Harry asking him if he is home. He gets a reply almost instantly telling him to, ‘piss off’ which is merely a confirmation that he is indeed at home in his own room for once.

Louis doesn’t think twice then as he exits the taxi and enters the hotel. He quickly makes his way up to the familiar penthouse having done this a thousand times before when they were much younger and naive. He punches the familiar code and lets the elevator open onto the Styles’ floor.

It looks relatively empty as normal.

It is so normal though, the art work and the deathly silence and vacant space. It’s the familiar decadence and dramatics, not just in the furniture but in the atmosphere and people that have filled this place since before Louis really even knew Harry at all.

“Harry,” Louis says carefully into the dark.

He is cautious in his approach, but hears someone in the kitchen making a sound. He turns the corner just as Harry replies delicate with every syllable, “I said piss off.”

“Change the fucking pass code then,” Louis bites back rounding the corner. Harry sits perched on the counter, dressed in a robe and his hair bunched away from his forehead in small ponytail.

He looks stupid. But also very attractive. Nothing new then.

But Louis also mentally notes his father must not be at home if he is looking like this.

“If you came here to insult me-“

“There is a website you can go to, I know.”

Harry hums in agreement. Maybe for a second he forgot who he was dealing with, the quick recognition flashes through his eyes like a flash of light. He sips on his orange juice and rolls a banana around in his palm.

Louis is just taking in the fact that Harry is very much alone when someone closes a door down the hallway. A girl carrying a pair of shoes tip toes her way behind them trying to go unnoticed. But both Harry and Louis turn to look at her. Harry smiles and gives her a little wave.

“I’ll just be going,” the brunette says and she presses the button on the elevator and disappears.

Louis rolls his eyes and stares at Harry. Harry keeps sipping his orange juice like its 9 o’clock and he just woke up.

“Good time then?” Louis says with absolutely no hint of jealously at all.

Harry smirks because he knows the game.

“Nothing compared to you,” he draws out deep and for the whole room to hear like he is proclaiming it to everyone.

Louis takes a step back even though he isn’t really close to Harry to begin with. He leans against the island counter.

“Look. This isn’t funny-“

“You going to apologize?” Harry cuts him off.

“Are _you_ going to apologize?” Louis retorts back. It’s childish whatever, but he does deserve an apology just as much if not more.

“Probably not,” Harry says with a shrug and a sip of nonchalance.

“Okay, were even then. I was saying, it’s not funny whatever you are telling people stop it. I get it, I’m truly sorry you aren’t getting the bragging rights you deserve for the things that transpired between us-“

Something that Louis said sparks something in Harry. He lifts his head.

“You mean me having sex with you in the back of my limo?”

Louis runs his fingers through his fringe. “Just stop telling people. Gossip Girl knows or at least she knows someone who does, and she will tell everyone don’t underestimate her power.”

Harry is suddenly confronted and snaps out of his mood. He places his glass down on the bench next to him and threads his fingers together in his lap.

“Lou, I really hope you don’t seriously think I’d do that,” He says it with certainty, never letting go of his gaze fixed on Louis.

Louis remembers how Harry once bragged about how a girl had told him he reminded her of a lighthouse. Louis also remembers how he had told Harry he was more like a blinding flashlight that leaves figments in your eyes after being looked at for too long and generally just pisses you off.  

“No. I don’t- I just don’t know who would,” Louis says staring back, presenting himself with fake confidence.

“You want me to find out?” Harry says eyes lighting up like a Christmas tree.

Louis contemplates it for a second but is unsure, “I’ll get back to you, and hold you to it.”

Harry shrugs, “Okay, well you know I always have a space for you on my team.”

“Ah, the dream team,” Louis remarks back with stars in his eyes.

Louis and Harry. Harry and Louis. The only team Harry has ever worked on.

Harry’s eyes look close to the same, “I’ll find them, I’ll seduce them then you can destroy their reputation, empty their dirty secrets and destroy their self esteem.”

Louis wants it so badly, but fears there are more things at stake here and more things hanging on the line. One move and he could lose it all, because while emptying one persons dirty secrets might have worked before it might not work well here where his own hang in the balance.

He smiles though and Harry who looks like he has just mentally figured out the plan to world domination. And turned himself on via thinking about all the power they could amass.

“I’m still mad.” Louis says with certainty.

“Cool. I still want you in my bed.”

Any moment they might have had is gone and Louis clears his throat.

“You need to have a shower, and come to school more often and stop sleeping with prostitutes.”

“And then?” He says with a quirk of his eyebrows.

“You will be a normal functioning human being,” Louis replies not humouring Harry, he glares at him and leaves the kitchen.

Harry quickly jumps off the counter and follows along not letting him get away that easily. He crowds Louis before he can make a quick escape to the elevator.

“Look I’m sorry about cotillion, but I wasn’t the only one playing games that night.”

Louis wants to scream that life isn’t a game, but he knows Harry will only say something along the lines of it is, and I’m winning. It is true though, Harry was playing a game but so was Zayn and Eleanor and maybe even Perrie. Thus Louis subsequently thinks they are actually always playing a game and it just makes his head hurt.

Louis accepts that that is the best he is going to get out of Harry in terms of sorry so he doesn’t push it, “Thanks.”

Harry frowns, “What?”

Louis tries to step around him but Harry is a giant and Louis is maybe on the smaller side.

“Stop doing that, saying what I want to here just to get what you want.”

“What do I want?” Harry challenges.

“I don’t know, but I want you to leave me alone. It was a one night stand Harry, it meant nothing. You keep acting like this, get it through your head I don’t want it now or ever, and I don’t want anyone to know.”

Harry’s eyes suddenly cloud over and he retreats letting Louis slide past him easily. He lets go and lets the fight brush over.

“Is that what you think?” He says not letting his voice drop.

It is moments like this that annoy Louis, he thinks he knows Harry so well sometimes. He can recall him like a mirror. But not when he clouds up and hides away inside himself. 

“Harry, I don’t know what has gotten into you.”

Louis punches the button of the elevator and Harry stands back watching, slowly retreating into himself.

“Harry.” Louis repeats.

He barely looks up though. “I’ll find out who’s doing it, okay?”

It’s the answer to a question not asked. And to a question ignored.

Louis nods his head and watches Harry turn his back on him and stalk back into the deathly silence of the house. Again Louis is irritated about how he wishes he could read him better, or how he wishes Harry would just open the book up a little more sometimes to allow him to do so.

Regardless he lets him walk away with a sense that there are a lot of things unsaid between them.

 

When Louis walks into Eleanor’s penthouse on Park she is lounging in her kitchen with a boy.

Louis almost freezes and retreats, her maid who let him and who always serves him tea in stares at him directly and motions for him to keep walking. So he does and dives head first into the awkward.

Eleanor’s laugh echoes throughout the dining room and down the hall. Louis watches her dip her head back and he is confronted about how she never really looks that way around him. And maybe how he doesn’t feel a slight pang of jealousy at all that she is seeing someone else maybe.

“Eleanor, you have a guest,” Eleanor’s head twists to the side and catches his eye.

“Louis,” She grits through bared teeth. Lovely.

The boy doesn’t looking fondly familiar, he probably goes to Dalton Louis inquires quickly. Eleanor should be ashamed of herself for stooping so low.

He gives her the look. She silently tells him to fuck off.

“Eleanor, can I speak to you?” He says without introducing himself.

Eleanor smiles at her guest who seems a bit intimidated. Good, this _is_ Louis Tomlinson you are dealing with.

She flips her text book closed and excuses herself into the foyer dragging Louis behind her,

“Where have you been?” She says in her lowest voice keeping only the slightest bit of composure.

“I’ve been laying low,” Louis says in a equally low tone.

“Laying low? Jesus Louis, I’ve been baring the front of this mess.”

“Hey, I’m working it out.”

“There is nothing to work out, everyone is going to know you’re sleeping with Harry Styles by the end of the week I’d put money on it,” she cuts deep into the otherwise silent house.

It makes Louis sweat, he doesn’t want her talking about this now or ever, “I said I’m working on it.”

He glares at her and she checks her behind her shoulder.

“Who’s talking? Is it you?” Louis bears down on her, instilling the fear he knows he can control in her. Eleanor might give up a strong front but she is weak through and through. She cares only for herself at the end of the day.

“Me? You really think I want people knowing my ex boyfriend is gay?”

“I’m not gay,” Louis spits back.

“Okay sure, tell that to Harry.”

“You know nothing.”

“So then how do you suppose I am the only talking?”

Louis folds his arms and feels at a cross road. Eleanor is no help.

“I’m covering my back,” She punctuates with a point towards the boy in the kitchen, “I think you should do the same.”

“Help me, or everyone will know about you and Zayn,” He challenges.

Eleanor smirks, “You wouldn’t, that is too big to spill now besides it wouldn’t matter anyway Zayn and Perrie broke up.”

Shit, so that is what Zayn wanted to talk about.

“Why?”

“Why do you think? She spread some lies about me and it bit her in the back when Zayn sided with me.”

“So she didn’t change the name card?”

Eleanor looks surprised and confused, “No.”

“Look Louis, it wasn’t me I don’t know who it was. I’ve got to get back in there though,” Eleanor says seriously with a hand to Louis shoulder. She retreats with a smile leaving him back at square one.

It’s in the elevator that he decides. He doesn’t really have a choice now though does he.

He sends a quick message and swallows the conscience that threatens to derail him.

_I’ve got dirt, but only in exchange for silence._

He gets a reply quicker than he expected.

From Tips@GossipGirl: _I’m listening Louis Tomlinson, although I can never make promises._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i finally got to use 'boybanders are hiding a secret' yay (which was the inspiration for this fic, i sort of went hmm imagine if they were in high school and someone like posted that oh wait imagine if gossip girl posted that!)
> 
> im working on a playlist as well! also has anyone read young & beautiful? i definitely rec it if you enjoy rich kids stories!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry wants Louis. Louis wants silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do you ever feel like you write a lot but then it turns out to not be much at all?

It never occurred to Louis that one day he would be bargaining with Gossip Girl herself. But he is and he can’t believe it.

She lives up to her name and reputation, she is a downright bitch.

Louis doesn’t want to spill anything before she agrees or lays down something in exchange but she is making it hard. She won’t agree until he has told her and he doesn’t want to budge. Louis Tomlinson always has to have the upper hand.

_Tell me what you have and I’ll tell you if it is worth my time, I have a lot of sources keep that in mind._

He doesn’t really have much of a choice, give in and tell and maybe get what he wants or not try at all.

He breathes deep and shallow and stares at the ceiling in his bedroom. He thinks back to when Eleanor had lay right here and told him the truth. The very truth he could exchange now if he wanted. But he doesn’t, not that secret that is too much too soon.

_Zayn and Perrie broke up. She spread a few lies about Eleanor and Zayn ended up siding with Eleanor over Perrie in the subsequent fall out at cotillion._

He types in quick and fast checking over it once and sending it. He feels shit very quickly. But Zayn won’t suspect a thing he hasn’t talked to Louis about it yet and he doesn’t think Louis and Eleanor are on good terms.

His phone vibrates almost instantly.

_I think everyone already knows that._

Louis throws his head back in aguish. She wants to play a game he doesn’t quite want to. But his back is against the wall, and when the going gets tough you’ve got to protect your own back first and foremost. Don’t you?

Louis almost misses when he receives another message.

_I want to know why you and Eleanor broke up, and I want to know what Zayn had to do with it. I want to know why he disappeared._

If your best friend sleeps with your girlfriend the perfectly normal first reaction is anger, Louis Tomlinson isn’t perfectly normal though. The first thing that flashed through his mind was revenge and reputation. Then came the anger.

Louis loves Zayn, but once again the first fleeting thought that over takes his mind in this moment is his reputation. He doesn’t have time for this best friend bullshit, best friends don’t sleep with their best friends girlfriends. And the people that do, only get what is coming to them don’t they?

It is a fleeting mix of self preservation and fear that makes him the type the message out. He doesn’t want to sit at a dinner table and hear his mother tell him he is a disappointment just like his father. He doesn’t feel like seeing Harry’s smug face. He doesn’t want to watch his seat on the steps of the met be taken away and he sure as hell doesn’t want Zayn knowing he slept with Harry, who just so happens to be their best friend. He is probably just as bad as Zayn in the end isn’t he?

Life is but a game, and Louis can either be a pawn or rise up to be king or a queen. Harry’s words and actions echo in his mind.

_Zayn slept with Eleanor at the Shepard wedding, he left town the next morning and Eleanor managed to keep it a secret from all but Harry Styles until she told me when Zayn returned._

He feels like he has sold his soul to the devil, but contemplates that maybe he already did that a few weeks ago in the back of a limo. Maybe if he didn’t fall down that rabbit hole he wouldn’t be here at all.

He doesn’t check to see what she replies. He knows it is only buying time, a week or a month either way she still has the information and she is still getting someone to leak it to her. But this will keep her happy and him safe in return. He throws his phone under the blankets and makes it an early night.

 

The first thing Louis sees on the next day when he passes through the gates of St.Jude’s is an angry Eleanor Calder shouting at Zayn. It pokes and prods at Louis conscious but he ignores it.

As soon as Eleanor spots him she stops and turns the other way disappearing into the doors of Constance Billard. Louis takes it as a chance to talk to Zayn. He zones in on him.

“What was that about?” Louis asks faking dumb.

Zayn drags his feet along the ground and turns to face Louis, he gives a fake smile and it seems to take a lot of effort.

“To be entirely honest I don’t know,” He says raising his hands in defeat.

“I just, god, I just wish I liked her the way she liked me. She’s my best friend don’t get me wrong-“

“I thought I was your best friend?”

Zayn scoffs at that thought, “I’m a shit best friend, you don’t want me, besides I think you’ve got a new one.”

He punctuates it with a nod towards shadows of the gardens at adorn the entrance of the school. It takes a few seconds but Louis spots Harry leering in the shadows as if waiting to catch him. Louis rolls his eyes back to Zayn.

“He is just helping me with something,” Louis says knowing Zayn suspects more, just like Eleanor did and just like everyone else does.

“Okay,” Zayn says giving off that exact vibe, “But like Eleanor comes in here, saying she has found some new guy and what? Trying to make me jealous, but I didn’t even think twice I just said, ‘Good, what’s his name then?’ and she lost it.”

Louis shrugs.

“You dated her for like two years Louis.”

“And I mean this with all my heart Zayn, don’t get involved with her, well anymore than you already have.”

Zayn straighten the strap of his bag and fixes his beanie. Nervous habits for sure. Louis thinks the fact that they are both talking about the girl that so much destroyed their friendship and put this strain on it is to blame.

“I want to get back with Perrie don’t worry,” He says.

Louis nods, “What even is going on there?”

The first bell rings just on time.

Zayn smiles at Louis, it’s warm but small. “Shit today is busy, but tomorrow,” he punctauates with a point as he steps back toward the school, “tomorrow we’ll talk!”

And with that once again Zayn is gone. Louis can’t help the ache in his chest that resides. Ever since Zayn returned their friendship has been like this, difficult and stilted. He knows Zayn is trying to change is life, become a better person and such but that doesn’t have to mean deleting Louis out of it. That is unless Louis is perceived as a negative part of his life, or maybe just a part of his _old_ life he doesn’t need any more.

Other than that Wednesday passes by without incident. Its radio silence. No blinds about Louis and none about Zayn.

It’s the calm before the storm.

The only highlight of the otherwise deathly boring day is Harry grabbing Louis and pulling him into an empty class room.

“Hey,” Louis screeches as a hand snakes around his forearm and pulls him backwards. He is pulled into an empty room he used to have Biology in once upon a time when his innocence was intact.

His attacker wears a St.Judes uniform with the shirt gaping open almost halfway and is adorned with a sparkly pair of boots.

The door is shut behind him and Louis straightens his blazer. Rude.

“You need to learn manners Styles,” he huffs out.

“Oh you would rather do this in the hall then?” He says as he leans forward and wraps his body around Louis. Harry tries desperately to attach his mouth to Louis neck and tries to get a grip on him. He succeeds in the most minimal way. The brief touch sparks up Louis but not enough to let Harry have his way.

Louis makes a sound of disgust and Harry is pushed off with little effort, a reminder of who actually holds the power here.

“Just trying to say hello,” Harry murmurs, “You look so good in your uniform. You should be told that more often.”

“You can say hello from over there.”

Harry hums in agreement but doesn’t stop trying to undress Louis with his eyes.

“What do you _really_ want to talk about?”

“Are you alright?” Harry says faking disinterest and nonchalance. Louis read that well.

“Yes,” Louis says confidently but letting Harry know he is annoyed he is asking at all. Louis isn’t Harry’s play thing to pity and pet.

“Good. I need to know who you saw the morning after?” he says with an eyebrow raise.

“My maid, a priest and you,” Louis lists confused. This better be for scientific reasoning and not because Harry is a creepy jealous weirdo.

Harry bites his finger and stares off into the distance before grabbing his bag and going to make an exit.

Louis turns suddenly, “Harry?”

Harry points at him but his mind seems elsewhere rattling away and putting pieces of a puzzle together.

“Send me a list of who went to your birthday party, it’s important,” He says and then he is gone.

 

It’s Thursday when it drops. Louis is rounding a corner with Niall and Liam on his tail installing fear in the masses. Like wind chimes the phones cry out in one swift motion.

Louis doesn’t even need to open his phone. Niall and Liam do and provide him with accurate information quickly.

“Louis, Louis, you might want to check your phone,” Liam stammers out.

“Everything makes sense now,” Niall adds not thinking.

Liam steps out from next to him and crowds Louis.

“Liam?”

“Louis you need to read it, it’s about how Eleanor cheated on you,” he says trying to thrust his phone into Louis hand in a panic.

“Why would I need to read it when I leaked it?”

Both Liam and Niall stand back in awe and shock. Louis grits his teeth down and smiles.

“Now we’re all even.”

Louis doesn’t need to say it but it is heavily implied. He’s back, and better than ever.

Louis looks for Zayn but fails to locate him. Not even Harry seems to have a clue where he is. Louis instantly thinks he must be with Eleanor but spots her making her way in down the courtyard in shades and with her followers covering her with an umbrella and scaring off anyone with a camera.

Louis tries not to think twice about it. It technically is normal Zayn behaviour.

People don’t really glare in class or in the halls, its more murmurs and looks of pity.

“Aren’t you worried people are going to think you’re weak now or something?” Niall says as they eat lunch.

Louis contemplates it, “The thing is, “ he starts ushering them into lean down and form a tight knit secret circle, Niall and Liam oblige, “I’ve got no competition left now, Eleanor and I used to the pair right, she ruled the girls and I took the boys. After we _you know_ , she was quickly monopolising on both of them. Plus she had Zayn on her side, now both them are dethroned in an instant, nobody wants to take order from someone who is better known for their scandals than their power.”

Louis leans back and up straightens his back.

 

He should have got his driver to pick him up, or worse just gotten a cab.

“We need to talk,” the voice says as the black window rolls down.

The limo is moving so slowly, Louis wonders how much Harry pays his driver. It seems like a boring task stalking people all day.

Louis rolls his eyes, “I’m listening.”

He keeps walking though.

“Lou, come in the limo,” Harry says as the car comes to a halt and the door opens.

Louis doesn’t want to, “No.”

“Oh come on, this is important Tomlinson.”

“Styles,” Louis grits out. He hates it when Harry uses his last name.

Louis seriously doesn’t think Harry would have any new information that he couldn’t have already shared with him but his desires take over and he turns and climbs into the car.

Harry takes his hand and pulls him in. He looks only the tiniest bit smug.

“I’m listening Styles, but I’m quite busy so make it quick.”

Harry smiles, “I think I know who leaked the information about Zayn and Eleanor.”

Louis’ heart beat quickens. “Who might that be?”

They have been subconsciously leaning closer and closer together and now they legs touch. The pull is so evident. Harry lets his hand drop onto Louis’ thigh and creeps upwards. Louis can’t help but think about the way his shirt is gaping and how badly he just wants to touch.

He is so aware that he can see the back of the drivers head though and tries to keep his hands to himself. The air is getting thicker though, he knew this would be a bad idea. Confined spaces with Harry don’t end well for Louis.

Harry leans in so his mouth is on Louis’ ear, his breath warm and his lips full.

“It was Zayn,” he mouths into the hollow.

Louis tries not to make a move or a sound. He can’t stop the quickening of his heart though. Or the fact that Harry can read him.

It takes barely a second but Harry has got himself on top of Louis and is mouthing at his neck like he had so badly wanted to do today. Louis lets it happen, because his mind is clouded and he is in a right panic. Harry will figure it out. He always does.

Harry hums and then leans his head back up, “Arthur, roll up the partition.”

Louis immediately gives in and lets his hands explore Harry’s open chest. Harry smiles like he was waiting for it and slides down Louis’ body until he is on his knees.

Harry looks the picture of innocence and he rests his head on Louis’ thigh. He stares up with glazy sparkly eyes and a face framed by dark curls. He nuzzles his head against the fabric and mouths along the seam.

“You don’t agree?” He says, as if the conversation they are having is actually dirty talk. Maybe for them it is Louis thinks quickly, it is getting him hot and heavy.

Louis must take a second too quick to answer because Harry is now eyeing him heavily with dark eyes, they aren’t clouded with desire or lust anymore but curiosity. He continues with his task at hand though and Louis can’t help but arch up into it.

Louis catches his voice, “Why Zayn?”

“Why not Zayn?”

Louis watches as Harry’s arms become unattached from his thighs and Harry moves every part of them self slowly of Louis’ like he has burnt him. He remains on the floor nonetheless.

“Why did you do it?” He asks with intent and more undertones that Louis can’t begin to read.

Louis fold his arms, “I’ve got to look after me first and foremost don’t I?”

Harry lets out a weak smile, “You sound like me-”

Louis stares down at him forcing the eye contact he was otherwise avoiding, “Any comparison to you is something I would hate about myself.”

It doesn’t even affect Harry, he pretends he doesn’t hear it, “Ah yet I am not quite sure I would throw my best friends under the bus for my own selfish insecurities.”

It hurts. “Fuck you.”

“I guess you are all even now, levelled out the playing field,” he repeats Louis own words back at him.

“Stop the car.”

Harry ignores him, “You should stop running from yourself because you are taking everyone else down with you.”

“Stop the car, “Louis shouts and it does come to a halt.

“You think you’re so much better-“Louis starts trying to grab the door handle.

“That is where you are mistaken; I have the ability to accept I am bad to the bone unlike you who just keep on lying.”

“There is nothing wrong with spreading the truth.”

“Except for when your whole life is a lie,” Harry replies as Louis slams the car door in his face.

Now Louis if left lost on a random street in New York, cold, annoyingly turned on and aggravated at everyone in the world but mostly Harry Styles.

 

Louis avoids Harry all of Friday purposefully. It’s easy because the rest of the school dotes on him like is both a wounded puppy and something to fear equally.

He thinks Zayn avoids him, Louis seeks him out but cannot find him at all anywhere on school grounds. He texts him with no reply and at a last resort even asks around. Apparently no one has seen him but Louis doesn’t panic. It’s pretty classic behaviour from Zayn, the easy retreat.

It’s not until a lilac haired Perrie Edwards storms over to pushing through Louis’ crowd of followers that his heart rate quickens.

She holds her own but looks entirely out of place and says, “ _Louis_.”

Louis arches his eyebrows acknowledging her.

“It’s about Zayn,” she says with force behind her words trying to let Louis know this conversation probably shouldn’t be taking place with so many people listening.

Louis extracts himself from his peers and lets himself be led away.

“He’s gone. He’s missing.”

“What?” Louis gaps in quick shock. This is not happening again. “Like before?”

She shakes her head, “No proper gone. His mum called me worried, he just took some bags and left.”

So not like before. Worse than before, because before he asked to leave. He took the private jet, he enrolled in classes and his parents knew very much what was happening.

“Shit,” Louis says to no one in particular as he takes a step back. This is not happening again, he is not letting him get away with this. He has to find him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyone catch the reference to partition by beyonce  
> you can find the playlist for this fic here: http://8tracks.com/hannahjulie/dont-you-think-its-boring-how-people-talk


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time to put aside differences and get the team back together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter features an appearance of harry's really massive black hat he wore in la because as chuck bass once said 'i see your wearing your beret. who are we spying on tonight?'

 Perrie Edwards sits in Louis Tomlinson’s sitting room next to a piano and looks and feels entirely out of place. Her entire outfit could probably only pay for the glass of water she has been handed. It’s a bit difficult to breathe as she fears she might disrupt something or knock something out of perfect order. She doesn’t mind so much, she is used to this. The thing that is really bothering her is the boy pacing back and forth in front of her repeatedly swearing.

“Shit,” Louis breaths, “Shit.”

“I’m not sure that is going to help Louis,” she says as kindly as the situation will allow.

Louis keeps up his quick pace. “I don’t think we can do this on our own, well I mean I’m alright but you aren’t much use to me. Your skills are quite limited,” he says with a bitter smile.

“Sorry, I just don’t know what else to do,” Perrie says with her hands raised on her lap. She places the glass on the side table next to her mindful not to spill it nor let it leave a water mark on the glass.

“Well texting and calling were excellent ideas but pointless because he obviously doesn’t want to be found,” Louis says not so kindly. They had tried about a thousand times now to contact him.

Perrie stares at him from her seat. She isn’t afraid although she thinks he wants her to be. She can easily tell, from the start she supposes he is just afraid and that isn’t very scary at all. Louis Tomlinson is quite layered, she thinks.

“I think- it pains me to say this, but we need back up.”

Just as Louis finishes his sentence the elevator door chimes and is unaccompanied by the click of a pair of heels on marble flooring.

“Louis!” Eleanor says as she rounds the corner in a hurry, “You need to help me, Zayn is- Oh.”

She drags the last syllable out dramatically.

Her gaze fixes on Perrie quickly, and her eyes narrow and turn dark and deep. Eleanor subconsciously takes a step back and clenches her fists around her birkin bag.

“Well I’m not staying here if she’s here,” she smiles at Louis.

The contrast between the two is stark, Eleanor with her prim and proper uniform of pressed jackets and a perfectly executed tie with Perrie and her messy coloured hair and disarrayed outfit.

“You owe me,” Louis says without flinching, “for cotillion so sit down and shut up.”

Eleanor straightens her back which is now obviously pressed up against a wall. She exhales a quick breath, “Fine. But don’t expect me to play nice.”

Perrie rolls her eyes and folds her arms, “How about you try and play mature?”

Eleanor looks at Louis, “See what I’m dealing with here?”

She crosses the room and puts herself as far away from Perrie as possible. Not deliberately of course.

“Try to think of Zayn for once and not yourselves,” Louis says as he tries to focus his mind back on the task at hand.

“Eleanor how did you figure he was missing?”

“Harry asked me where he was, I figured Zayn was just at home but Harry was pretty certain he was missing. So I went to find him and his room was pretty much empty, he’s just gone again.”

“I don’t think he is just gone though, “Louis says quickly, “This is different than before.”

“Why because we are actually paying attention this time? Last time it took you how long to ask questions Louis?” Eleanor spits out.

Louis can tell she is angry, he knows last time it affected her a lot. He just didn’t know why back then, but now he knows the truth it all makes sense.

Perrie speaks up, “Harry must know something then right? If he was certain he was missing he must be good at this.”

Louis gives a look of pain. The truth is Harry is exactly the person they need right now, not just because he is excellent at finding people and knowing good hiding spots but he is definitely someone Zayn would listen to.

But Louis is angry, and Harry he thinks is probably even more furious with him. It’s a bad situation.

“Yea, I don’t think he will want to get involved though-“

“Think about Zayn and not yourself Louis,” Perrie says with a sweet smile.

Louis doesn’t want to come off as weak, but he doesn’t want to let anyone figure out what he did either. Especially not Perrie or Eleanor.

“Fine,” Louis says flashing an equally bright yet fake smile. “I’ll call him but I can’t make any promises.”

He fishes his phone out of his pocket with both of the girls watching. This should be fun. He finds Harry under contacts and dials him.

It rings but Harry quickly picks it up as if he was expecting it.

“Drunk dialling again Tomlinson?”

“Hello to you too Harry, I’m doing great thanks.”

“I’ve been waiting for your call, you left me waiting so long,” Harry draws out long and shallow.

Louis eyes around the room and can see the girls listening intently. He tries not to blush, he doesn’t do blushing.

“Duty calls Harry, we need to put aside our differences and be civil because this is an emergency, Zayn is missing and as one of his best friends you are required to get your non judging ass up to my apartment.”

“I thought you’d never ask, but no seriously I’m almost there anyway,” he says and hangs up.

Louis stares around the room feeling strangely vulnerable.

“What?”

Perrie smiles and Eleanor avoids his gaze.

Louis ignores them, “I’m going to call Liam and Niall, they are just as important as anyone else in a situation like this.”

He flicks them both a quick text addressing the situation and forcing them to join the rest of the gang in his sitting room.

When he looks up from his phone Harry is walking through the door. He is wearing a giant massively wide brimmed black hat, Louis wants to hit it off the perch on his head.

“What are you wearing that for?” he scoffs.

Harry greets him with a smile but ignores him.

“Perrie. Eleanor,” He says to the girls.

He then turns to Louis who is standing next to him at arms reach.

“We’re on a mission aren’t we? Everyone needs a spying hat.”

“It looks like a satellite. It looks stupid.”

“And that is why they say I have taste in fashion Louis Tomlinson, and you don’t.”

“No one says that.”

“Actually yes they do.”

“It is going to draw unnecessary attention.”

“You know what else draws unnecessary attention?”

Louis doesn’t respond.

“Your ass.”

“Okay! Well. I think the hat looks lovely,” Perrie says over excitedly quickly standing up and clapping her hands together, “But how about we focus on the important issues?”

“He hasn’t left the country, although he did take his passport,” Harry says.

Louis asks, “How do you know that?”

Harry doesn’t make an effort to look at him but adds, “I’ve got connections, and I searched his room.”

“That’s good then right?” Eleanor asks.

“Yes, Eleanor,” Harry says condescendingly. Louis will never quite understand why those two just don’t get on. Louis remembers now why they avoid each other so much.

Louis steps forward in front of Harry in an effort to take back control of the room. It’s his house, his meeting and his rescue mission not Harry’s.

“We need to try and narrow it down to where we think he might be,” Louis says with authority.

“His grandparent’s cottage on Long Island,” Harry says not wasting a minute.

“You think or you know?”

Perrie takes it upon herself to answer, “No. I know they’re in London or whatever, but they are definitely not on good terms at the moment. He wouldn’t go there.”

Louis recalls after cotillion dance practice Zayn asking Louis if he wanted to join in on their afternoon tea. It makes sense.

“Are you sure?” inquires Harry.

Eleanor rolls her eyes obviously simply getting annoyed by Harry’s presence in the room. And most likely Perrie’s as well.

“Yes, very sure.”

Eleanor breaks her silence, “How do we know he just isn’t at his dads place?”

“Do you really think I would come here without checking that Eleanor?”

“Stop,” Louis steps between them, “Think about the greater good. Like I think there is a lot more going on right now with Zayn than just what we know. I mean have any of us really even talked to him? Like properly?”

Guilty faces fill the room instantly. They are all just as accountable as each other, focused on their own lives or holding grudges, fighting over a person like a toy and generally just being vapid. It’s bad, Louis swallows his breath. It reminds him of their parents.

It’s at that moment that Niall and Liam walk in.

“Hey man,” Niall says patting Harry on the back, “Nice hat.”

Louis shoots Niall a look reminding him which team he is supposed to be one here. And Harry shoots Louis a look basking is appreciation for his stupid hat.

There are too many people in this room now for sure.

“What are they doing here?”Liam asks Louis about the girls.

“Rude,” Perrie retorts.

“What are _you_ doing here Liam Payne? Don’t you have people to suck up to somewhere else?”

“I’m actually Zayn’s friend Eleanor,” Liam says very kindly trying to avoid conflict even though he started it.

“Well friends don’t spread friends secrets.”

Perrie gasps, “Did they do it?” pointing at Niall and Liam.

Niall, offended by even the proposition that maybe they did it says, “No fucking way, stop stirring shit Calder.”

“I think we all know who actually did it, “Harry murmurs from somewhere to Louis’ right. It’s barely heard and Louis knows it is only for him to hear.

“You are all the most selfish people I know! God just stop,” Louis pikes up.

Harry slumps against a wall uninterested, “That’s rich coming from you.”

“Stop. Our best friend is missing, and if we are being honest it’s our fault. Like yea he fucks up a lot and probably most of us have a good reason to be pissed at him right now, you know we’ve all got reasons to be pissed at each other but put it aside-“

“Hamptons. He’s in the Hamptons, “Harry says as his eyes start to do their manic wide stare, the same as he had done in the class room just days before. He pulls himself off the wall and everyone in the room is suddenly less interested in themselves and more in Harry.

And then everyone starts talking at once.

Liam and Niall turn to Louis and start talking, “Do you think so Louis?” “Why the Hamptons?” “Are we talking about his mums, his auntie’s or you know where?”

Louis raises his hands, “I don’t know, ask him not me,” and points at Harry.

Perrie seems content with just trusting Harry while Eleanor rattles on and on, “You are such a bullshitter Harry Styles, why does everyone treat you like a God.”

“I don’t have any evidence, I just think I know,” Harry starts looking directly at Louis and ignoring everyone else, “It just makes sense with what he’s said before. He’s at the bungalow.”

It’s funny really how much things suddenly click into place inside Louis head while he stares at Harry. The bungalow was the first place he looked when Zayn left last time, but that is the last time he visited. He drove all the way out and ran in there thinking his best friend would be waiting, grafiting the walls and smoking. But it was empty so Louis left and never spoke of it again. Like a shell of a former home it was left for the summer, the first summer things had changed. It was the first summer they left the bungalow empty. A sign of times changing and growing up, they didn’t need the childish hang out spot anymore just like he didn’t need Zayn in his life anymore he had figured evidently.

He didn’t realise by deleting that memory from his mind he was missing the final piece of the puzzle. They were all missing it, even Harry until now.

“I think you’re right,” Louis forces out, like it pains him to say it.

“Well what do we do?” Liam asks.

Niall instantly replies without thinking twice, “We go and get him.”

“We go and talk to him, we can’t really force him to come back,” Harry says as the entire room watches him closely.

“We can’t just ambush him!” Perrie says to Harry.

“You’ll totally scare him off,” Eleanor adds.

“We know how to deal with Zayn,” Louis answers. It’s the truth.

Louis thinks somebody should stay behind to hold up the fort but no one volunteers because everyone wants to make the trip. It means a lot of bickering, eye rolling and stomping of feet. But in the end everyone wins and everyone climbs into the back of Harry’s limo.

Harry smiles at Louis for the briefest of seconds before he gets an elbow to the ribs. Harry probably thinks it’s worth it though. Louis hates how he does this, is angry and bitter one second then flirty the next. He hates how he manages to do both so well and at the same time.

There is a lot of room but they all sort pile in together. Somehow Louis ends up next to Harry, what a surprise. It is a bit uncomfortably awkward but they deal. Thighs pressed tights together while Niall drapes himself all over Louis on his left side. Louis doesn’t mind so much it is nice having Niall give him some comfort.

Perrie and Eleanor sit as far away from each other as possible with Liam acting as a mediator.

It is getting dark out so most of them slowly start nodding off, it is about a two hour drive and nobody really feels in the mood to go at each other now. Niall sores loudly and rests his head on Louis shoulder, everyone else is mostly silent only letting out shallow rhythmic breaths.

However Louis is quick to notice Harry doesn’t look the slightest bit tired at all as he stares out the window. It only echoes Louis own problem, his mind is a whirlwind of noise and he just can’t close his eyes.

So they sit in silence, calculatingly avoiding each other’s eye contact and pretending that neither of them feel a burning touch where their legs meet. It’s just Harry, Louis and the roll of the vehicle. It’s almost comical how they keep on ending up in this situation time and time again.

Louis reasons with himself quickly that maybe he can’t sleep because something keeps mulling over and around inside his brain. He needs to apologize and maybe say thank you. Then maybe he won’t feel so jittery and alive.

Louis watches the lights flicker across Harry’s face until Harry feels his gaze and turns his head toward him.

“Thanks for today, for helping and everything,” Louis says quickly but with a steady tone.

“And I’m sorry for what it’s worth.”

Harry’s face doesn’t show any indication of what he is feeling.

“I’m not the one you need to say sorry to,” he says quietly.

Louis doesn’t let his face show anything either, he watches Harry closely though as he continues.

“You know we work better as a team right? I didn’t start putting the pieces together until you were there in front of me and I could see it, visualise the picture and the parts. I don’t know why but before then it was just stumping me. Normally I can figure it out with a little effort, but I don’t know you just made it easier.

“What I’m trying to say is we are better on the same team, twice as powerful.”

Louis smiles weakly and whispers mindful of the others, “The dream team.”

Harry looks away and says, “You should get some rest.”

Louis grumbles and says he doesn’t need it. But his mind feels more at ease now and he slowly starts to go under. He is mindful of where his body lies and he tries his best to avoid Harry yet somehow they end up intertwined.

The first thing Louis notices when he stirs a few hours later from noise and movement around him is that his hand is tangled up in Harry’s. Fingers clasped and tucked between them hidden from the world and their friends. Louis quickly pries his hand free in panic letting go of Harry’s. Harry eyes him curiously with a frown and Louis avoids it by turning his face away. Holding hands is definitely not on the cards, that is entirely too intimate. Louis for sure knows Harry of all people is definitely not the type of person who would ever want to hold someone’s hand. Louis might like that sort of thing but Harry doesn’t, he is allergic to any physical contact that isn’t entirely sexual.

He isn’t certain who initiated it but it was a mistake, no matter how nice it felt. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> friendship feelings yaaay its time for a non judging breakfast club intervention!


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Intervention time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this has taken forever because i have spent more time away from home this month then actually at home i mean holidays are fun but not when you need to write, also this chapter just gave me a bit of hell

“You two should just stay here,” Louis says eyes darting between the two girls in front of him.

Eleanor immediately protests, “I didn’t take that long ass car ride for fun!”

Louis climbs out the door following the other boys. Perrie seems less concerned about it than Eleanor, she retreats back holding her hands up in surrender.

“Whatever you think is better Louis.”

Louis slams the door behind him leaving the girls waiting with a promise they will come and get them later and Eleanor alone to her pouting. But he doesn’t really have the patience to care today.

Niall and Liam stare at him expectantly, while Louis gives the same expression to Harry. He isn’t sure any of them know what to do exactly. The house stands the same as they left it. It’s nestled between the trees, just hidden away from the large lawns of the golf course in its private little spot. It appears untouched and looks so different in the dark compared to in the summer. It’s cold and bare rather than shining in the constant sun. It’s different to what they are used to.

“Should we just?” Louis says as he steps away from the limo, gesturing towards the house.

Harry adjusts his hat. His stupid hat. And follows Louis liking his lead, and letting Liam and Niall follow his step.

“I’m not really sure what we are going to do or say, but let’s just try and be civil and non judgemental, “Louis says to them. And to himself.

Harry’s brow furrows and he nods. Niall and Liam agree and add, “We can do that.”

Louis follows the path to the door with slightly shaky hands. He isn’t nervous, he just doesn’t know what to expect and he doesn’t quite like that.

Before raising his hand to knock on the door Louis remembers it is probably open and he actually has a key in his pocket and reaches for the door handle instead. It is unlocked just like he thought it would be and slowly it opens. The oak creaks, as it really isn’t used enough as it wants to be.

Louis kind of stutters after that, he watches it open but doesn’t quite move an inch. Harry raises his eyebrows knowing and steps in front of him doing what Louis doesn’t want to do. It’s just hard that’s all, it feels like reliving a painful memory.

Harry confidentially steps into the room and searches with his eyes. The lights appear to be on which is the first good sign other than the unlocked door.

“Zayn?” Harry says into the hollow space.

The three others watch expectantly from behind, also walking into the room carefully. The words sort of bounce off the walls and come back to them with no reply. It’s disheartening until a floorboard creeks down the hall in reply.

“Zayn,” Louis replies to the positive sign.

As slow as ever in true Zayn fashion he slowly appears out of the darkness. He seems sullen and keeps his gaze downcast and withdrawn.

The group of four all appear to let out a sigh of relief.

“What are you doing here? Don’t you all hate each other?” He says as quiet as ever.

“No,” Louis says quickly.

“Yes,” Harry replies at the same time.

Louis quickly snaps his head to narrow his eyes in on Harry. They share a brief second of confused silent conversation before Louis shakes his head out of it. He knows the rest of them hate it when they do that.

“Well, we are putting it aside for you,” He says to Zayn who watches from the edge of the room as if he were a guest in his own home.

“You don’t have to do that-“

Harry interrupts him confidently saying, “No, we do.”

“And you don’t have a choice in the matter Malik,” Niall adds.

“What if I don’t want to talk?” Zayn huffs out to himself.

They all look at each and leave the answer on Louis.

“There is nothing you could ever say or do to make us let go,” Louis starts. He tries his best to appear confident, searching Harry’s eyes for reassurance. He nods and Louis locks in on Zayn.

“We’re your best friends, you don’t have to hide anything from us.”

“He’s right Zayn, none of us are saints,” Liam adds softly.

“You’ve seen me out drink myself and end up out of it in how many bathrooms now?” Niall says with a laugh.

Liam nods in agreement, “You were all there for me during that whole Mrs Carr in the closet during the school play incident.”

“And when you shaved your hair off,” Niall adds.

Niall and Liam look at Louis expectantly with arched eye brows. He quickly figures it is his turn to add something to the list. But fuck, most of his secrets are hidden aren’t they.

Louis opens his mouth but nothing comes out but a weak noise. His eyes dart from person to person before he just bables out, “I had sex with _someone_ in the back of a moving vehicle.”

You could probably hear a pin drop. Then Niall starts laughing manically while he slaps Liam on the back with a, “I was right, pay up.”

Zayn’s eyebrows almost touch his hair line and Louis raises his hands and looks at Harry who is also trying not to laugh. Louis prompts him to add something to the list.

Harry’s fingers touch his bottom lip and he ponders for a second calming himself down.

“I’m Harry Styles,” He draws out impossibly long, because of course he does and of course he says that after what Louis said.

Louis sort of wants to hit the smirk off his face and then cuddle him and tell him he is more than a stupid brand or a stupid name. But he ignores those desires for a moment.

“See you can tell us anything,” Louis says to Zayn and to himself, “We don’t judge.”

He punctuates it with a look to everyone in the room eyeing him up and down. It’s less a statement and more a question.

“We’re your best friends, we’re the non judging breakfast club. Anything you’ve done, is something we’ve probably done as well.”

Zayn looks torn but more open then before so Louis gestures to sitting down at the table in the kitchen. Zayn makes the first move and the rest of them follow. Harry won’t stop smirking at Louis and he needs a reminder of who this is about so Louis pinches his arm. His smirk stops and he pouts away instead.

They sit around the table and Zayn avoids eye contact but Louis sits close to him anyway.

“I’ve just messed everything up haven’t I?”

Niall nods and Louis punches him in the arm.

“Hey what did you do that for?”

“Be nice,” Louis says sweetly.

While Niall rubs his battle wounds (and Harry does the same) Louis focuses his attention on Zayn.

“It isn’t that bad.”

Zayn rubs his hand through his hair, “It is though. I’ve just been trying so hard to be someone new but that is impossible isn’t it? Especially when you can let go of who you used to be.”

“There isn’t who you used to be and who you are now, that is the problem Zayn. You are one person, you need to be accepting of both your past and your future,” Liam says delicately punctuating every point.

Louis nods and adds, “Your past will always be there, if you shove it somewhere it will always be jumping out to get you better to just accept it and move on right?”

“Yea, well I’ve been forced to now haven’t I.”

“There’s looking at the bright side, “Harry adds sarcastically staring Louis down.

“It’s not that bad!” Louis says looking at Harry.

“It is though,” Zayn whines.

“So you slept with your best friends girlfriend and lied about it to everyone, so what we’ve all done that!” Louis adds trying to lighten the mood.

“Louis,” Zayn says watching him intently, “You don’t have to pretend, I know I hurt you it’s okay.”

Louis recoils in on himself. He feels vulnerable quickly and doesn’t like it. They all eye him sympathetically.

“I forgive you Zayn,” He adds quietly and quickly, “It hurt but not because I cared that much about it ruining me and Eleanor. It hurt because you lied and you’re my best friend.”

It stings a bit. But the good kind Louis thinks, the hurt that reminds you it’s getting better not worse.

Zayn smiles weakly at him and accepts it with an, “I know and I’m sorry for what little it is worth.”

All five of the boys around the table smile at each in agreement. The most pressing matter seems to have been clear or at least talked about rather than being brushed under the rug for once. Louis opened up and Zayn let him in.

“So are you finally ready to accept you aren’t the villain in this story now Zayn?” says Harry.

From anyone else it might have sounded condescending and mean, and maybe it does sound a little like both of those things but Harry sounds generally concerned. Because if anyone were to know or to feel like the villain it would be Harry, Louis desperately hopes Harry isn’t trying to stamp himself as the villain here.

“I need to apologize to Perrie and Eleanor for lying to them both and leading them on and around in circles.”

Louis arches his eyebrows edging Zayn to continue and explain what he means. His dark eyes dart between the boys before sighing.

“I wasn’t honest with Perrie, I should have just been honest and told her everything that happened before she came along. I shouldn’t have been worried about what she would think of me and I should have known she wouldn’t have judged me. And I really shouldn’t have tried to be friends with Eleanor, I shouldn’t have led her on or given her the wrong idea.”

“I just didn’t want to hurt anyone, but ended up hurting everyone by trying not to,” he exhales finally.

“So you were seeing both of them?” Harry says quietly.

“Not like _that_.”

“Look,” says Louis, trying to diffuse the tension building, “don’t freak out, but they are both in the car.”

He does freak out though, just a little bit.

Zayn’s brow furrows and he raises his palms saying, “What?”

“Suprise!” Niall says not helping the situation at all.

Liam looks panicked like he just wants everyone to calm down and breath but Harry and Louis have got everything under control and they would fight you to the grave if you suggested anything else.

“You want to apologise to them and they just happen to be here, perfect opportunity if you ask me!” Harry says cheerily.

“He’s right!” Louis adds reluctantly.

It takes a little more than that to convince Zayn it is a good idea but after some persuasive words from both Harry and Louis they are able to soften his stance on it.

“How are we sure they didn’t kill each other out there?” Niall questions.

“Eleanor wouldn’t want to get her hands dirty,” Liam replies.

Under his breath Harry says, “I wouldn’t put it past Perrie though, I think we all go insane when we are in closed spaces with Eleanor.”

Louis gives him a look to remind him to play nice and darts out the door to find the girls.

He doesn’t find them killing each other he finds them bonding over a mutual love chain store coffee brands and a mutual distain for their Spanish teacher.

Apparently girls aren’t as complicated and crazy as all the boys thought. Or maybe that just happens when you add Zayn Malik into the mix.

They eagerly follow him into the house asking questions and demanding to know if he is okay. Louis explains that he wants to have a chance to say sorry to them and to clear things up.

As soon as they enter the dining room Louis figures it is a bit awkward and crowded with everyone in here, so he ushers Niall, Liam and Harry out.

Louis closes the glass doors to the room just as the girls sit down.

“Don’t you think he needs some moral support?” Liam asks, hinting that Louis should have stayed behind.

Louis shakes his head, “I think he’ll be fine.”

“Louis would just make it more complicated anyway, “Harry adds.

The fall into silence quickly and Louis feels comfortable with it and could easily fall asleep on the couch from lack of sleep because it’s late now. But Harry’s hand nudges his shoulder and Louis meets his eyes.

“Can we talk?” He says motioning to the front door.

Louis can see Liam has lost himself to sleep and Niall is distracted by his phone. He doesn’t really have any excuses so gives Harry a smile and nod. They stand up together and sneak of the front door, closing it as quite as possible behind them.

The air is cool and silent, Louis is glad he is wearing a jacket. The disposition between them is cold as well.

Louis shuffles his feet in the grass letting his nerves out before turning to face Harry confidently. It’s tough to admit but he looks beautiful in the soft glow coming from the porch light. He is both the perfect mixture of sharp and soft, in appearance and personality. But sometimes Louis just wishes he could be all soft, he wishes he could smooth of that furrowed brow and let his shoulders relax.

But you can’t do something if someone won’t let you in.

“I know you were scared, but you should tell him you did it, “Harry starts into the dark.

“I will, just as soon as this is over,” Louis replies.

Silence falls over them again quickly.

“Since when did you become the moral compass?” Louis adds against his better judgement.

Harry shrugs, “Maybe playing the villain isn’t that much fun anymore. I just think you should take your own advice and face up to what you did.”

“I’m not a coward. But I’m not going to be weak either, “Louis argues, “Besides I wouldn’t have had anything to share if no people didn’t-“

Harry interrupts him, “Why are you trying to fight with me? You know I’m right.”

“And I said I would do it so just drop it.”

Harry sighs frustrated at Louis and himself. He says quietly, “I’m sorry, I just care.”

And there it is Harry’s infatuation.

Louis mind rattles around how he really should reply and tell Harry he understands, and he cares too much as well. But Liam opens the door flooding them in light.

It breaks them out of their make believe world, separate from the on goings of the house.

“Looks like we’re all going home,” He says sharing the good news.

Louis doesn’t quite look at him, he keeps his eyes locked on Harry who only a few seconds ago had looked so soft and open. Now his face seems shadowed and withdrawn.

“Thanks Liam, “Harry says as he leaves Louis standing on the grass and disappears inside.

Liam, ever knowing and ever kind says, “You two alright?”

“Yes, “Louis bites out taking a few steps and brushing past him into the house as well. 


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth comes out. Again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first of all, sorry this is quiet late (i spent too much time recently not writing this and writing other things because i am weak and didn't want to write this chapter)
> 
> secondly, IMPORTANT this chapter deals with forced outing (and so will subsequent chapters after this) so please if that is triggering or something don't read it just be careful because i love all my readers and want to make sure when you read it makes you happy and is good for you and not the other way around

The gang (as Niall refers to them as, because apparently their rescue adventure earned them their very own title) returned to New York just as quickly as they left.

Louis would be lying if he didn’t say things were both better and worse than before. Zayn was a lot better and happier, and their friendship no longer had dead weight weighing over it constantly.

It was refreshing for it to feel like it used to feel, maybe better even because they were happier. Louis still knew he had to be honest and tell Zayn that he was the one that told Gossip Girl about what happened. It was always on the edge of his mind.

Harry however had withdrawn himself completely. He attended classes and spent his time with the group and was a presence both on the steps and in Louis life. But he remained cold and knowing, with caring sad eyes and a gritty bitter disposition.

It takes a while but Louis figures Harry hasn’t changed, he has just gone back to the way he was. Before Zayn left, before any of the things that happened had happened. Withdrawn and an expert at fake happiness. But worst of all indifferent to Louis.

Life moves at a normal pace. Louis remains content as the holiday seasons approaches and Harry and Zayn disappear with both of their families on a joint vacation.

Louis isn’t the only one who hears whispers of a relationship between Harry’s father and Zayn’s mother. It doesn’t shock him but makes him question what Harry would tell Zayn and what it would be like to have them be like brothers.

When Louis messages Harry warning him not to share anything Zayn doesn’t know with him Harry simply tells him to relax. It’s simple indifference to Louis once again.

It doesn’t quell his nerves. He spends the week in a state of confusion and annoyance, at himself and his mistakes.

When they return Louis is more tightly wrung than ever constantly feeling like he is walking on thin ice. It can’t go on forever.

To welcome Zayn home Louis takes him to their favourite bar, which just so happens to be in one of Harry’s fathers hotels. It’s the best place to go though, no risk of getting carded and with their names always on the list to be left alone thanks to their good connections.

“We spent three days on the boat, just us and the water it was great,” Zayn says with a glint in his eye. He looks refreshed and renewed, and also so tanned. Louis is slightly jealous because he didn’t get to go anywhere. His father didn’t visit or invite Louis to but that is another problem for another day.

“What about your parents?” Louis asks genuinely intrigued.

Zayn shakes his head smiling at himself, “She’ll probably make him husband number five.”

Louis frowns at Zayn’s obvious attitude towards it. He knows how he feels about his mother’s constant husband hopping. Louis clears his throat and puts his glass down on the bar top.

“I don’t know what Harry has told you.”

“Harry hasn’t told me anything, in fact no one has told me anything. Not even you.”

So he does know something is up then.

Zayn looks sad as soon as the words leave his mouth. Sad is too less a word Louis corrects himself, he looks disappointed. He also looks like he wants to light up a cigarette but can’t inside here.

“I slept with Harry,” Louis spits out in one trembling breath.

New York doesn’t cave in on itself. The music keeps playing softly and glasses keep clinking against each other in the background. Someone lets out a light high pitched laugh and Louis feels it is appropriate.

He knows his composure is breaking because his fingers are shaking slightly. He grabs the glass again but its empty and all he can do is stare at the ice and feel akin to it.

“Louis,” Zayn says. It’s filled with emotion to deep to uncover Louis notes.

“Out of everyone? Him. Was it just a onetime thing? That is a stupid question, of course it was a onetime thing. Did he make you do this?”

Louis shakes his head, “No, it was a lot. And no, I make my own choices and mistakes.”

Harry isn’t a mistake, Louis’ mind corrects himself. Harry might think he is a mistake but he isn’t. Not in Louis life and not in the scheme of the entire world.

Zayn takes a deep breath, his hand firmly gripping the edge of the bar. He isn’t one to judge, they aren’t supposed to judge.

“It’s just a game to him Louis, you ought to know that. No wonder he has been all over the show.”

Louis looks up at him now confused and angry, “You’re more concerned about that? What about the fact that-“he quietens his voice because people are looking; “I slept with a guy.”

Zayn looks just as confused and says, “Louis, we have been friends for ten years you really don’t think I know you. Come on. I am definitely more concerned that you slept with _Harry Styles_.”

Louis doesn’t know what to feel. Zayn really can’t be mad about this, “You don’t really have a right to judge me.”

Zayn nods understanding. “I’m not. I’m just worried. Are you okay?”

The underlying text of that comment is him asking Louis who he has become. Louis thinks maybe he is just being himself. Maybe for once in his life rather than pushing things inside and defining himself by who he thinks he should be, he is just being who he really is.

It’s are you okay, because the life you had meticulously planned out for yourself has fallen by the waste side.

“I also have to be honest about something else, I told Gossip Girl about you and Eleanor.”

“Why?” Zayn says.

“To protect me,” Louis pleads.

Zayn looks distressed. He needs that cigarette badly. He exhales loudly. “Not for revenge?”

Louis shakes his head and then changes his mind. “Maybe a bit, if I’m being honest.”

Zayn frowns, “Did it feel good?”

“No,” Louis says instantly.

It felt terrible.

“Look,” Zayn starts, giving the room a quick look, “It was bound to come out anyway, I’m over it. If you told me that two weeks ago I would have lost it, I just don’t care now. But Louis you’re running away so fast you are bound to run into yourself.”

Louis and Zayn’s phones chime at the same time. Which can only mean one thing. Zayn doesn’t bother to move over mindless gossip. Louis however does instantly like he has been since he went on high alert.

He fishes his phone out and opens the message. If Louis likened himself to the ice before now it’s his turn to feel paralleled to the fire crackling in the corner of the room.

His face feels hot and his palms are clammy.

When Louis was twelve he got stuck in an elevator. It was in his building but he was alone, just him and the space around him for a good hour. The entirety of New York had been shrunk down without even trying.

It feels like just him again now, the room feels so empty and New York seems so quiet.

“She did it,” he breathes out to himself.

He eyes dart across his phone not able to pick up a proper sentence only words and fragments. _“Harry and Louis” “Nothing seems to be going right for Louis Tomlinson” “The back of a limo” “I wonder what his friends think?”_

Zayn grabs the phone from his shaky hands and starts reading it to himself. Louis knows Zayn wants to tell him he told him so. But Louis already knew, he knew from the moment he stepped into that club with Harry. He probably knew before then, always knew their underlying attraction and similarity.

He always knew it would end in this, Harry Styles was always going to be his downfall. Because he is always going down and he just pulls everything in his path with him.

Louis goes to stand up on shaky legs. He needs out of here, the fire is burning his face and the ice is melting in the glass.

“Where are you going?” Zayn says quickly when he notices.

“I just- I can’t breathe,” Louis says motioning to the door.

Zayn grabs his arm and pulls him along.”I’m taking you home.”

He doesn’t talk much, just drags him out of the hotel bar and into the cold street. He only let’s him rest against a brick wall to heave breathes for a few seconds. He bounds him into a cab and into the elevator Louis had once got stuck in. He only places a hand on his shoulder when Louis bites his fist to stop the onset of crying.

However Louis worst nightmare is sitting in his room when he eventually makes it there. Harry Styles sits at the foot of Louis bed with desperate eyes. He looks a bit of a mess Louis might note as well, like he dressed himself in a minute. His coat is way off from his shoes.

“Louis,” he breathes as they make eye contact. Louis doesn’t hide behind Zayn but stands proudly and holds his ground.

“Harry maybe this isn’t the best time,” Zayn starts.

Louis shakes his head. “It’s fine. Just wait outside Zayn.”

Zayn looks reluctant but steps back in surrender and closes the door behind him.

“Louis,” Harry says, and he sounds so sad that Louis wants to hold him close and prevent the pain that the world is causing them both. It’s stupid. Louis is the one wounded and bleeding out here and he wants to help Harry. It’s disgusting; it’s akin to love or something. And that is a bitter thought.

“Harry, it’s alright what’s done is done now,” Louis says watching him carefully. He cannot break. He wants so dearly to though.

“Did you find out who it is?” Louis says with fists clenched.

Harry shakes his head. “I can’t, I just can’t without you.”

Louis knows what he means. He can’t because Louis is his clicking piece pointing him in the right direction, his _winding wheel_.

“I’m sorry,” Harry says his face and resolve hardening. Louis can tell his inability to solve it makes him feel weak and incapable. Two things Louis knows Harry has heard before from the people who are supposed to look after him.

“It’s okay,” Louis says with a weak smile, “Can’t you just be here for me instead?” he says putting himself on the emotional line. It hurts how Harry thinks he will earn Louis love and approval by revenge and settling scores. Louis clenches his heart that Harry doesn’t understand what anything really means.

“Louis,” Harry says. It’s a warning tone, a signal sign Louis should follow. It is apprehensive and everything Louis knew he would get in return.

“Harry just stay-“

“I’m not going to hold your hand we don’t do that, I can’t do that.”

That isn’t even what he is suggesting.

Louis wants to ask why he can’t, when he has been the one pulling him under. He wants to tell him he can and they can. But Louis knows it is a lie. He can’t do that, Louis knows they don’t do that. That isn’t their appeal. Harry isn’t an emotional security blanket like he wants to trick himself into thinking. He is nothing, he is void of any emotion.

“Goodbye Harry,” Louis says instead of the millions of other thoughts bubbling around his head.

Harry nods solemly. “Louis. I’m sorry.”

He goes to leave but turns to him again, eyes shifting. “Maybe one day.”

And with that he is gone, leaving a wreck in his way once again. It’s then that Louis falls on the bed and contemplates the failure of his life.

Louis doesn’t leave. He takes to turning away visitors bar his closest friends. Niall, Liam and Zayn bring him chocolates and tell him he doesn’t really have anything to worry about. He knows they are sugar coating the truth.

His mother eventually comes home. And gives him a look, one that tells him she knows but she would rather he told her before she said anything. So he did, he baffled on for a good few minutes. Louis gritted his teeth. He shouldn’t have to do this, not when he doesn’t even know what he is saying. I like boys? I’m gay, no not gay maybe bi? Let me figure it out, of wait the world doesn’t work like that.

He settles with telling her he has just been thinking about things, and reminds her that things you read and hear aren’t always true. He fails to mention this sort of thinking has been happening for a very long time and has been in the back of his mind for since he can remember.

She doesn’t cry or anything, she did too much of that over the summer. She sighs and reminds him it is his life. But also that he might think she is his toughest critic but he needs to remember that role actually belongs to the people they associate with. He couldn’t agree more. He knows what they say about Harry, the problem child and he knows they say it about him too.

The world doesn’t end. But Louis kind of wishes it had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry about the winding wheel comment i got a lil teary reading that line every time i read over this, i blame harry styles and his stupid sappy love song tweets


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything is always cold, and Harry is always confusing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry sorry sorry i started back at uni (and im in my last year my course load is huge waaah) ive been busy this has been half done for ages, but i finished it 
> 
> also once again this deals with sad outing stuff so keep that in mind

The shower is always cold. That is a lie Louis has never had a cold shower in his life, privilege and all that. Even if he wanted a cold shower his shower probably wouldn’t let him. It would heat up instantly and remind him he only gets and deserves the best. That’s a lie though. The shower is metaphorically always cold. Nobody likes to be alone with their thoughts when all those thoughts do is consume them from the inside out.

Sometimes the shower water on his face feels a bit salty. Probably tears, not that he will admit it.

Louis grabs at a box of Godiva chocolate that lies next to him in his bed. It’s regretfully empty and he throws in across the room and it lands on the floor spread open and sad.

“What did the chocolate ever do to you?” Zayn says as he opens the door and walks in without giving an excuse or reason as to why he is bothering Louis early on a Monday morning. Monday morning _right_.

“It disappeared,” Louis frowns keeping his eyes firming locked on the threads of his sheets.

Zayn sighs as he picks the box up and puts it in the rubbish bin much to Louis dismay, he didn’t want to give it up quite yet.

“Come on have a shower, get out of bed,” Zayn says ushering for Louis to climb out of the bed where the duvet and sheets are pushed all the way up to his chin. Louis doesn’t move an inch.

“I’ve already showered,” he says instead arching his eyebrows letting Zayn know he should have known better. Louis might be in the middle of a life altering crisis and he might not want to get out of bed but he takes personal hygiene seriously.

Zayn grabs at the comforter and yanks it back. Louis is sitting in bed with his uniform on ready to leave just minus his blazer.

“Hurry up then, put your shoes on. Niall is waiting downstairs, probably best friends with your doorman by now.”

“Yet you were planning on waiting for me to shower, you’re a fraud Zayn Malik,” Louis says as he tries to grab his blankets back but fails. Zayn puts up a good front.

“Come on Louis, I know you don’t want to go but I’m making you.”

Louis lets him take the blankets and he slides his feet out of the bed and puts them on the floor. He accepts his defeat, it was always going to come down to this.

“Where’s Liam?” he asks with his hands over his face calming himself for a second. He can do this.

Zayn clears his throat. “I’m not sure, doesn’t matter-“

“Where’s Harry?” Louis asks quieter and more bitter.

“I told Niall-“

“Is he outside?” Louis shouts almost hysterical. He is one hundred percent sure he does not have the means to deal with today.

Zayn nods his head slowly, trying to convey the message carefully to Louis who has started biting his thumb nail. He pulls it away as soon as he realises what he is doing.

“He just turned up, you know what he is like. I told him he should leave but that went as well as you can imagine.”

Louis stands up and grabs his tie and blazer from his desk. He stands in front of the mirror frantically tying it. It looks impeccable. Not that it matters.

“I don’t understand why he thinks that would be helpful.”

Zayn frowns in the reflection. “He is your friend.”

Louis scoffs at the notion, some friends they are. “We aren’t friends, never have been. Always a convenience.”

“That’s a lie, and you know it,” Zayn says softly placing a hand on Louis shoulder that he shrugs off. Zayn is being too wise too early in the day. “Look at the positive side, if anyone knows how to deal with today it is probably Harry.”

“Whatever,” Louis spits losing his inhibitions. He grabs his bag and stuffs his books into it, his hands only shake slightly. When he is done he stands by the door and raises his arms in a shrug to Zayn. “Are we going or what?”

Zayn smiles weakly. “You don’t have to act this way Louis. It’s okay to be scared.”

Louis rolls his eyes but his heart is pounding in his chest. Maybe he could just hope back in the shower and wash it away. Unlikely that will help though, you can’t wash away something brewing in your heart.

“I’m alright,” Louis says the break in his voice gives him away. He keeps his eyes fixed on Zayn though trying not to let his weakness shine through.

Zayn steps forward and pulls him into a hug and it is borderline crushing. “It’s going to be okay, you’ve got us and that’s all you need.”

“I know,” Louis croaks out. Zayn lets him go and they leave Louis safe haven and descend into the lion’s den together.

 

They hear them before they see them when the elevator opens in the foyer of Louis building.

“That’s fascinating Niall,” Harry says. It’s his tone that makes it amusing, like he is dealing with an excited puppy he doesn’t know how to handle. Louis knows exactly the smile he is probably doing.

Zayn and Louis walk toward them and Niall notices them first. When Harry notices his eye line change he turns to look at Louis, soft and gentle for a moment before he tightens his expression.

He is wearing a trench coat over his uniform and has his checked scarf in his hair, pushing his soft curls away from his face. Louis likens the scarf to a feeling of nostalgia, Harry bought it on his first day of high school a token of who he wanted to become. Now they just have to look around them to see what they have become. Louis isn’t sure if any of them measure up.

“Nice headband,” Louis smirks, front up nice and high. Everyone knows he likes a good headband.

“Don’t mock the scarf Louis, it’s my signature,” Harry says with a perpetually sad look in his eyes. His smile doesn’t even reach half way.

Before Louis can do anything Niall is grabbing him and hugging him. It’s all hands and squeezing nothing like how Zayn had hugged him before. Niall seems to be babbling on but it’s too much for Louis to hear other than, “I’ll fucking smash them.”

He thinks that probably sums it all up though.

And then he is standing in the foyer while the doorman eyes them with Niall clenching his fists, Harry staring at the floor his hands tightly behind his back and Zayn’s eyes darting between them.

“Let’s just go,” Louis says over it already stepping toward the door.

Niall and Zayn go to follow after him. But Harry grabs his arm tentatively, it yanks Louis back. Harry is so unaware of his strength.

“What?” Louis asks as Zayn and Niall keep walking and go out the door. He can see Zayn telling Niall not to turn back. Traitor.

“Are you alright?”

“Yes,” Louis says.

Harry doesn’t take it. “I mean really, Louis are you alright?”

Louis turns his head and furrows his brow. This is Harry being Harry again. “I’m fine. Why are you even worried?”

Harry has these big beady eyes that are staring at him like a sad puppy, but these brows that make him look pissed off at the world. He wants to smooth them out and kiss the line away. Louis clenches his fists and his jaw.

Harry looks to the side and then changes his mind stepping back and then forward again. He licks him bottom lip and sighs. “I never told my Dad,” he says it with a bit of a dark laugh, “I just told everyone else. And then he never mentioned it, doesn’t mention it. Brushed over like everything else.”

Louis shakes his head gently. “Harry,” he says softly, “I know.”

Of course he knows. He was there, he was one of those people. Hell, he was the first person to know wasn’t he.

Harrys shakes head. “I’m just saying. It will be alright. I know.”

He doesn’t know. Nobody knows. He punctuates every word and then steps away from Louis rubbing a hand over his face. Louis senses he is about to make a run for it.

“Harry don’t go,” Louis says softly. Harry just shakes his head again.

He steps past Louis and toward the door, “You won’t see me at school, it’ll be easier for you that way.”

Louis gives up easily turning his head away from him and the cool wintery breeze that flows through the door and Harry’s surroundings. He doesn’t say anything and then Harry is gone. Once again, taking a little piece of his heart and pinning it to his sleeve.

When Louis finally picks up the courage to step out of the door Niall and Liam are waiting by the curb.

“Where did Harry go?” Niall asks.

“He ran away like always.”

“He doesn’t care,” Niall says unbelieving.

Zayn shakes his head, throwing a practically finished cigarette on the ground and stamping it out. “He does care that is his problem.”

Louis elects to ignore them.

They walk the short distance to school together. Louis entertains himself by thinking of everything other than what Niall and Zayn want him to think and talk about.

“Just stick with us and you’ll be fine honestly. I know you Louis, you’ll be perfectly fine. Just ignore people,” Zayn babbles on next to him.

“Just give them that tommo stare down,” Niall laughs, “It always scares everyone. Or just tell someone if they give you shit that it’s okay, you’ll just sleep with their dad and find out all their secrets.”

Zayn makes an exasperated noise. “Niall that isn’t funny, don’t say that Louis.”

“Where is Liam?” Louis asks for the second time that day.

Zayn doesn’t say anything, Niall does. “Who gives a fuck?”

Zayn sighs, “He is just upset because Louis kind of lied.”

That is a bunch of bullshit and Louis knows it. But he also knows Liam will crawl back quickly. They can see St. Jude’s now and Louis tries not to slow down his walking speed. He keeps charging forwad, with more intent.

“Everyone lies,” Louis says with a smile.

“And we don’t judge,” Niall says bitterly, “So Liam is breaking the rules.”

It isn’t as bad as he thought it might have been, Louis thinks it’s because it’s colder out now so more people are huddling inside rather than waiting at the gates and front door. No one pelts him with yoghurt like he had seen in his nightmare.

Louis walks in like he is leading troops in to battle with Zayn and Niall staggering behind him. He holds his chin up high and doesn’t stop to make eye contact with anyone. They don’t deserve it anyway. His heart pounds.

They walk down the narrow corridor toward their lockers and he can hear the people talking. Zayn had said let them talk but Louis can feel his fists clenching in natural defence. Let them talk. Let them talk. It’s easier said than done.

“All words and no action,” Louis chuckles darkly. It’s true, they are all cowards. He fishes around in his locker for a book.

He catches Eleanor walking down the hall, she doesn’t look at him or even acknowledge his presence. She’s just as bad as them all, maybe even worse. But maybe she is hurt, he still isn’t certain what went down between her and Zayn.

“Let’s just go to class,” Zayn says instead as he leads them away from the masses. Louis makes sure he eyes people down in the hall on his way out, he can see the fear in their eyes and it fuels him like nothing else he has ever felt before.

 

Louis knew people wouldn’t be crazy, they all have a reputation to upheld just like he does. They fight their war in the quietest of ways throughout the day. The looks, the murmurs and the silent exclusions. Louis knows he can fight them all off easily, he just can’t fight himself off and that is the issue here. They will all forget, they will all grow accustomed to the fact that Louis Tomlinson is gay but maybe he won’t.

Perrie Edwards sits on the steps of the met surrounded by three other girls. They look out of place but Louis rolls his eyes and sits somewhere a bit less busy. He doesn’t want to put Zayn through that either. Louis knows he will be able to push them all off with one look and spiteful comment about how their Tory Burch flats are from last season.

“Who are they?” he asks Zayn quietly picking away at a salad.

Zayn shrugs. “Jade, Leigh Anne and Jesy.”

Louis turns his nose up.”Brooklyn then?”

Zayn hums in agreement, probably trying to diffuse the topic. He knows they differ on opinions sometimes and it’s just better to let it slide.

“You know it’s actually really nice being single,” Zayn says instead.

Louis smiles at him. Single Zayn is actually really nice. “It is right. I feel the same way.”

He does actually. Louis has never felt more liberated than when he ended his long term relationship. Well, maybe he felt quite liberated stripping in a burlesque club but whatever.

Zayn laughs at the quiet implications in what Louis had said but nods in agreement. It goes quiet for a second after that before he says, “Look I know you don’t want to talk about it-“

“I don’t really,” Louis snaps, defensive and knowing exactly where Zayn wants to lead this conversation.

Zayn doesn’t flinch though, he knows him too well. “I don’t want to meddle.”

“Too late.”

Zayn exhales and puts a hand on Louis knee. “Harry is in a bad place. He won’t talk to me or anyone, he talks to you though.”

Louis shakes his head.

“I shouldn’t say this but he likes you Louis, I know it we all know it. He has always liked you.”

“And what?” Louis says softer now. It doesn’t change anything. Harry doesn’t even have the ability to like, so how can Louis even take any of that for face value.

“He’s scared.”

“That’s not an excuse we’re all scared.”

Zayn sighs. “Louis it’s just me. Talk to me.”

Louis stabs a piece of lettuce. Stupid lettuce. Stupid Zayn and stupid Harry.

“I like him alright? I think I really like him and how masochistic could I be? But I don’t trust him one bit, I don’t know how he feels or what he wants.”

Zayn nods knowing. “You need to talk to him. Properly.”

“That’s impossible, I try. He is the one that needs you to lecture him.”

“No. You’re the only one that can knock some sense into him.”

“It’s like if he wants in he needs to want all in, if he doesn’t he needs to stop.”

“You need to tell him that Louis.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my birthday is in two weeks and all i want is a manip of harry wearing chucks scarf as a headscarf you feel?


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis likes Harry against his better judgement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the weirdest hybrid of like five scenes ever, kudos to you if you can spot all the mashed up gossip girl lines i squished into this thing. it is so far from gg canon now its great (although not at the same time? we are both in season 1 and 2 at the same time how did that happen)

“Harry,” Louis says into the dark. It’s something he does quite a lot isn’t it?

It isn’t actually dark however, the curtains are open and the house for once actually seems alive. The only thing that isn’t is Harry. He isn’t looking or making any contact with Louis even though his housekeeper has just told him she has let Louis in. He stands hands clasped behind his back viewing the skyline in solidarity.

She walks away leaving Harry to his mood and Louis to deal with it.

It’s strange seeing the Styles residence awake and busting. People are working in the kitchen, the lights are on and Louis is pretty sure he can hear people laughing off in the far distance. If he were to make a bet he would say it looks like Harry’s father is home. And he might have company.

It’s been three days since they have seen each other and three days since Louis went back to school. He is certain Harry has been at school, he has just been avoiding him. He couldn’t force himself to put this off any longer.

Harry turns his head only slightly away from the glass. His eye pierces Louis for a moment before he straightens his back and turns around. Louis holds his ground firmly, arms crossed and an arched eyebrow.

“Oh lovely of you to finally acknowledge me,” he says harshly.

“How may I help you Louis? I don’t have all day. I’m busy, as you can see.”

Louis scoffs. “Oh you always make time for me I’m not worried in the slightest.”

Harry only acknowledges that by quirking his lip up slightly involuntary.

“Is that all you came here to say Tomlinson?” Harry sighs, hands fidgeting and eyes lighting up.

Louis remembers he needs to get off the defence or offence or whatever. He needs to stop with the fighting of his feelings and putting up this barricade. He has come here to clear the air so that is what he is going to do.

“I need to talk to you. We need to talk Harry,” Louis says quieter now.

Harry’s eyes scan the room and then he leans forward and says softly, “Are you alright?”

It’s perfectly a mix between a strain of what Harry doesn’t want to say or let out and what he does want to say. He asks in the most casual way.

Louis can hear Zayn’s voice ringing in his head. He nods shallowly. “I really want to talk to you.”

Harry seems to sense this is something deeper than he first thought it might be. “Alright, follow me,” he tells Louis stepping past him and walking toward the elevator.

Louis is quick and keeps up with him. He swears he sees Zayn’s mother just as the elevator chimes.

Harry takes him to the ballroom. It’s completely empty and even if it was full they probably would have cleared it out for them. He locks the door behind them and Louis stands in the middle of an empty dance floor. It’s an odd feeling. When they were only twelve they had all been at a banquet, Louis the mastermind and Harry his right hand man had successfully snuck out, with Zayn, Liam and Niall on their tails. Louis picked the time and the signals and Harry knew the route. Harry sweet talked them extra desserts from the kitchen and they played in a empty ball room much like this one. Nobody noticed their absence.

Harry crowds into him and Louis’ heart beat quickens. Louis hates it because something in his DNA has unwillingly decided Harry Styles is the only person in the world that can overpower him. He wonders if the same thing can be applied to Harry and himself. A mutual white flag seems to waver when they get together alone like this.

Harry has eyes that burn and it takes less than a second from when he leaves the door to when he is crowding up Louis’ personal space. He takes a sharp intake of breath and leans down to kiss him. He yanks on Harry’s jacket pulling him down. Louis lets his instant reaction get the better of him, he leans up high as soon as his lips hit him. It’s just one kiss. And then Louis is taking his grip on the jacket and shoving him away bitterly.

Harry stumbles. He wipes the back of his hand over his mouth. “I thought you wanted to play,” he says avoiding Louis.

“I want to talk. Look Harry, Zayn told me you told him,” Louis says harsh but not vindictive.

Harry falters for a second clenching his jaw before saying, “Told him what?”

Louis knew this would be a battle. “That you like me. Love me, have feelings for me.”

Harry doesn’t say anything. Louis takes it as a cue to continue. “I know you’ve been upset. Is that the reason?”

Harry still doesn’t say anything. He just stares at Louis, his hands neatly tucked behind his back and his lips shiny and red.

“Harry. I like you against my better judgement.” Louis says manically.

 “I know you like me too. Is that real? Or is this just a game?”

He says the last part quieter. “If it’s just a game, please let me go.”

Louis can hear Gossip Girl in his head. The snowy heart has melted away, would you look at Louis Tomlinson now.

“It’s just a game,” Harry says finally.

It feels like a lie in every part of Louis body. He can feel his heart ricocheting in his chest. Louis knows Harry’s is doing the same. They aren’t doing much other than fuelling blood and lies.

“You’re free to go,” Harry mutters.

“What if I don’t want to,” Louis says without thinking twice. This is why he shouldn’t be doing this. He is weak, so weak for Harry.

“ _Louis_ ,” Harry says, it cuts like ice as if he is sick of Louis and his childish manners. “Maybe I did, but I don’t anymore.”

Louis takes a step back.

“What do you want from me?” Harry asks raising his arms. If Louis was in his right mind he would be able to notice the way Harry’s bottom lip trembles. But he isn’t and all he can hear is the denial.

“Thank you,” Louis says bitterly. “That is nothing less than I expected.”

Louis goes to leave and to shove past him but Harry’s hand grabs onto his shoulder.

“Their engaged,” he says quietly.

Louis doesn’t know what he is talking about for a moment before it clicks.

“And what?” he says trying to shake him off.

“ _Louis_ ,” he says using that same tone.

“What? I’m not here to play a game Harry!”

“Yes you are. We always are.”

“No. I was here because I wanted to tell you how I feel and I wanted you to be honest with me,” Louis says his voice wavering.

“I was,” Harry replies quickly. Louis isn’t sure what he means. He was being honest? Or he was in love with him?

“I don’t know what you expect from me Louis,” he continues, “What do you want? Harry and Louis holding hands? I can’t give you that.”

He is slowly stepping away from Louis, retreating back into a corner and letting go of his grip on him. For a moment is seems like Harry is about to break down in the worst possible way, both frustrated, angry and sad.

He has a point however. Louis knows exactly what he is saying. He knew here with full knowledge of what he was expecting. There was never going to be a good outcome.

He can only see Harry’s back now. “Maybe,” Louis says softly. He feels like he is talking to a wall. He continues anyway, “Maybe one day.”

Louis unlocks the door and leaves quickly, feeling worse now than before.

 

“You didn’t run away?” Louis says breathlessly yanking Zayn’s bedroom door open.

“You really think so lowly of me Louis?” Zayn smirks throwing his book onto his bed next to him.

Louis laughs and shuts the door behind him, he joins Zayn on the bed. “Do you blame me?”

“Not really.”

“How did you find out so quickly?” he puzzles picking a thread on the pillow avoiding Louis and his sad look.

Louis contemplates not telling the entire truth. “I was with Harry. He told me,” he says instead. It is better to be honest than lie right now.

Zayn nods in agreement not pressing the issue. Louis knows it will come soon however.

“So,” Louis says smiling, “You’re going to be Harry’s brother.”

Zayn laughs then grabs a pillow shoving it against his face in anguish. “I’m practically living the dream,” he says muffled.

Louis smiles. Then Zayn adds, “Well not your dream.”

Louis can’t help but laugh at that whacking him on the back of the head. He is glad they are back to this place in their friendship. It feels normal in the best way, how they can joke about this stuff now.

After Zayn pulls the pillow away from his face he asks, “Is Harry alright?”

Louis thinks of how he left him alone in an empty ball room, how he is sure he is drinking now and plastering on fake smiles.

“He’s fine,” he says shallowly, “Why are you in here and not celebrating?”

“No one will notice I’m not there,” Zayn says.

Louis isn’t so sure, but he doesn’t press the issue. It’s Zayn’s choice. They stay there for a while until there is a tentative knock of the door an hour or less later.

“Hi,” Harry says opening the bedroom door, then he notices Louis and visibly withdraws, “Oh- I didn’t know you were here sorry.”

Harry steps back awkwardly. “Sorry, I’ll just go.”

Zayn frowns both at Louis and Harry and says, “Don’t be stupid Harry.”

He pats a spot on the other side of himself on the bed for Harry to sit down. He does so reluctantly after a few seconds of contemplation. Louis folds his arms and tries to stay as far away from him as possible.

Zayn grabs the half empty bottle of champagne from the side table. “Here, we are celebrating aren’t we?”

Harry takes it and drinks it down from the bottle. “Thanks,” he says handing it back.

They stay in silence for a while until Zayn cuts it by saying, “Can you both just stop this?”

“What?” Louis says defensively.

“We aren’t doing anything,” Harry says at the same time.

“I don’t know what is going on alright, but just- we’re friends put it aside.”

“Zayn,” Harry starts defensive.

“Harry,” Zayn replies.

Harry looks at him and then smiles suddenly, less frustrated now for some reason. “Please Zayn, call me brother,” he smiles out.

Both Louis and Zayn laugh, Louis against his better judgement.

It’s no less than ten minutes before Liam and Niall turn up more alcohol and liveliness.

“I thought he we all hated each other?” Niall says looking from Louis to Harry and back again.

“I do,” Louis says staring at Harry and making him squirm uncomfortably.

“That’s what best friends as for,” Harry says, “Even when you hate each other you’re still there for them,” he finishes slightly sarcastically.

Louis clicks his glass against Harry’s across their circle in a show of solidarity. It’s weak. “I couldn’t have said it better myself,” he replies trying to rub salt all around the hurt.

Louis can feel the other three get uncomfortable but he doesn’t care. It’s going to be like this from now on, Louis let himself go and Harry has the upper hand. He knows how he feels, why he is holding onto his true intentions and feelings. Louis is on defence then, he can’t help but fight.

They are all just going to have to deal with the fact that they are best friends. Who might be in love with each other. And who are most definitely currently and indefinitely at each other’s throats until that is sorted out.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rooftops and wagers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is like so metaish? i think some of the things in here just might be my favourite so far. you'll see!
> 
> once again sorry it has taken so long, i'm a very busy girl who gets distracted by writing other things a lot (this has been half written for weeks)

The official engagement party is a week after they all found out about it and got drunk in Zayn’s bedroom and ended up falling asleep in a pile like they were twelve again. In the ballroom that Harry and Louis had fought in they celebrate the engagement of Tricia Malik to Des Styles.

The only way to describe the atmosphere is strange. Between the twinkling glasses and perfectly dressed couples there was an air of bitterness and distaste. Or maybe that was just Louis.

Louis has been resigned to sit with his mother and her new boyfriend. It calls for a thrilling night. Dan is an entertainment lawyer and everything he does or says grinds Louis the wrong way. He isn’t annoyed she is seeing someone new. He doesn’t care about his father, hasn’t talked to him since he left and doesn’t feel anything. But out of everyone she has picked this guy, he wants to take his fork and stab the wooden table they are politely eating at.

His phone vibrates in his pocket. He swears if this is Gossip Girl he is going to smash a plate. He isn’t in the mood to hear about how him and Harry this or Louis and Harry that. Maybe he will just dunk his phone into his champagne flute. 

“ _I’ll grab the supplies, you get the boys?_ ”

He doesn’t have to check the name to know who it is. He looks up and catches Harry’s eye across the room and winks. Louis is always up for an escape plan. 

Things are alright, Louis thinks. They are still at each other, and Louis still hates him passionately in the depths of his soul. Absolutely hates him. But things feel alright, maybe just for the sake of the other boys they are trying. Especially for Zayn who has been taking the whole engagement thing hard, Louis feels as his best friend he needs to hold up a strong front.

Louis texts back a quick message, “ _You remember the signal right?_ ”

He pockets his phone and presses his fist onto the table clenched tight. He can’t help but smile softly as he raises his thumb. When he looks up Harry is watching him and stands up from his chair. They will meet in the hall. Harry will grab supplies. Whatever that means.

Louis sees Zayn is sitting at the same table as Harry and he turns his head noticing the silent conversation going on. His eyes catch Louis’ hand and he laughs, he follows after Harry quickly. They both slip out with no notice. 

Louis looks over his shoulder toward Niall who is slumped bored against his older brother. Louis arches his eyebrows trying to get his attention. Niall’s eyes circle the room slowly until they land on Louis watching him. Louis looks down at his hand and back up at Niall again. He has caught on and excuses himself from the table.

Liam is always the hardest. Louis doesn’t even know if he should bother. Best friendship aside, Liam wasn’t there for him in his time of need. They aren’t supposed to not be there for each other. Nonetheless Louis excuses himself from his table to his mother and Dan who barely notice him and he walks toward Liam.

He is engrossed in a conversation with his date but Louis presses his fist to his shoulder quickly as he walks past hoping he will notice. He does.

Louis doesn’t turn back but does notice Liam following after him. Louis opens the side door of the ballroom and enters the hall.

He finds Harry, Zayn and Niall waiting.

“That doesn’t look like extra cheesecake and éclairs Harry,” Louis says fondly staring down at Harry’s collection of bottles of alcohol. He has somehow managed to get some scotch, vodka and champagne.

“This is a grown up sneak out Tomlinson,” he replies, shaking his head at Niall as if questioning who even asked Louis to join. 

Liam joins them only moments later. “I can’t just leave Sophia out there with my parents!”

Louis pats his shoulder. “She’ll survive.”

“So where are we going?” Zayn asks. They should really get out of this service hall before they get dragged back inside again. 

“The roof,” Harry says quickly his eyes lighting up.

They really shouldn’t go onto the roof. That is such a Harry idea. It's cold and windy and of course he wants to go onto the roof. 

“We shouldn’t go onto the roof,” Liam says shocked at the suggestion.

“My hotel Liam,” Harry says smiling, “My rules.”

“If Harry wants to go onto the roof by all means let’s go onto the roof and freeze to death,” Louis says pretending to bow down to Harry mockingly. Only it doesn’t come out so mockingly and he feels slightly foolish.

Harry smiles at him so Louis says pushing past him going toward where he knows the elevator is, “Your bow tie is stupid.”

They all follow after him and he hears Harry say quietly, “It’s not stupid. It's vintage.”

 

Harry of course knows all the security codes. Louis knew he would, he knows Harry has a fondness toward roof tops and he has known Harry since before he can remember. They do try and remain as quiet as possible however.

They all lie starfish on the concrete passing bottles between them watching the stars overhead and the frequent plane or helicopter. They also are accompanied by the soundtrack of the city that never sleeps.

“I doubt Sophia is going to want to go to the snowflake ball with me now I’ve ditched her alone with my parents,” Liam whines.

“I’m going to ask Barbara Palvin,” Niall says confidently.

Louis lets out a laugh at the same time as Harry. Louis resists the urge to look fondly at him.

“What?” Niall asks defensively.

“Nothing!” Louis replies, looking to his right to give Harry a knowing look. 

“I’m sure she’ll say yes Niall,” Harry replies taking his bottle of scotch back from Zayn.

Niall rolls his eyes, “She will, I’m sure.”

“Who are you taking Zayn?” Louis asks the night sky. He pulls his coat closer to his chest, the alcohol in his system is keeping him pretty warm but he stuffs his hands back in his fur lined pockets anyway.

Zayn murmurs something before saying, “I’m not sure. Haven’t thought about it.”

Louis hums in agreement but he feels like maybe Zayn isn’t telling the entire truth. He will probably take Perrie, Louis is sure of it even if Zayn isn’t.

“What about you Louis?” Zayn asks.

“Elizabeth Johann already asked me-“

“Her GPA is higher than yours,” Harry scoffs grabbing his bottle and drinking from it.

Louis shifts in his position. “What is that supposed to mean?”

Harry rolls his eyes. “You don’t want to go with her, you’ll barely get along. You can’t handle people who think they are smarter than you-“

Louis interrupts him, “Fine. Jacob Rowland is really nice and he asked me -“

“Are you kidding me?” Harry laughs.

“Fine!” Louis says sitting up abruptly, “Keith Nelson.”

“Have you ever seen him without gum?” Harry replies instantly.

Louis grits his teeth. “I’ve got twenty offers on the table from potential suitors Styles so keep going if you think you’re so great at this-“

“I’ll pick your date,” Harry says suddenly.

Louis is taken back for a moment, before he says, “Fine,”  he smiles arching his eyebrows. His finger tips now feel warm like they are heating up and itching to get a hold of Harry. It's electric the way they do this, light each other up and spark something with a few words. 

He is vaguely aware the three other boys are staring back and forth between them obviously contemplating whether they should break this up or let it run its course.

“Only as long as I get to pick yours,” Louis finishes smiling wider.

“Alright,” Harry says, his eyes twinkling with danger and leaning close into Louis. 

“Alright,” Louis replies staring him down.

“I like someone who is funny,” Harry says smiling, “Someone who you can talk to easily, someone where it just kind of happens, someone that is a nice person, and has a nice smile.”

“I know what you like,” Louis says bitterly leaning forward and grabbing the bottle out of his hands and breaking their stand off. 

Harry likes Louis, someone is always Louis and he knows it. He’ll just have to find someone equally as great as Louis, that shouldn’t be too hard with Louis at the helm of the mission.

 

“Send him with Kendall Jenner,” Niall says laughing manically and obviously not understanding the point of this mission. He slides Louis a folder with her face on it and Louis doesn’t even touch it.

“Her parents earned their money via the porn industry,” Louis says quickly.

Niall’s mouth opens wide and he looks from Louis to the folder and back again. “What?”

“How did you not know that?” Louis tries not to shout, looking at the tables around them in the courtyard. “Everyone knows that.”

“Well I didn’t,” Niall says pondering for a second.

“Why do I employ you as my friend?” Louis sighs.

“I don’t see how that rules her out,” Niall says turning the folder back around, “She’s hot.”

“Her only hobbies include modelling and social media. Please Niall, tell me what her and Harry will talk about?”

Niall shrugs. “Maybe they won’t talk.”

“That’s beside the point,” Louis says slamming a fist down on the table. He leans closer anyway toward Niall, “Harry _really_ only sleeps with girls when he is either trying to impress his dad or if he is angry at me anyway.”

“How do you even know that?” Niall replies, intensely curious now leaning forward.

“Everyone knows that!” Louis repeats, louder and more frustrated.

Niall laughs and shakes his head. “No mate, you only know that because you obsessed with him.”

Now _that_ is entirely beside the point.

“Keep doing that and I will make sure Barbara knows all your secrets and changes her mind,” Louis says leaning back and smiling. He loves Niall he really does.

Niall frowns and grabs another binder from the pile.

“No fucking way,” Louis says closing his eyes and raising a hand to his face. “I will not tolerate looking at pictures of Taylor Swift nor giving her the time of day.”

Niall makes a noise of discontent and hides the folder. He thought it would be funny. Maybe he hasn't really thought about this enough. 

“Literally Niall, where did you come up with these options? Did you read the specifics Harry gave me and do the opposite?” Louis says lunging over and grabbing the pile of files.

He tosses the ones he has already talked about to the side with a shudder trying not to make eye contact with the picture of Taylor. The rest of the folders pretty much give him the same feeling of disgust however.

“Nick Grimshaw,” Louis says almost gagging. “Harry hates him.”

“No, you hate him,” Niall says under his breath.

“He graduated years ago and still hangs around here. He wasted his trust fund. He works as an underground DJ!” Louis says spelling out as if to make it clearer.

“Cara Delevingne has a girlfriend, when are people going to realise that?” he says with an eye roll tossing it away.

Louis gives up on putting any trust in Niall. If you want something right, you have to do it yourself.

 

They agree on gifting dates by the door. Harry arrives wearing a very fancy suit exhibiting his love for all things sparkly and shimmering. It’s practically diamond encrusted and he seems overly proud about it.

“I’ll show you mine if you show me yours,” Louis says coyly reaching out to brush a finger over the lapel of Harry’s jacket.

Harry presents him with a boy with curly brown hair and dimples. Suprising. Louis tries to repress his desire to giggle.

“This is George,” he says pushing him toward Louis with a coy grin. He won’t stop watching Louis as if trying to read between the lines and make him trip over his own feet.

George is cute in an innocent way. He looks he this may just be the best day of his life as well. It would be rude for Louis not to think that Harry has picked him because he they look quite familiar.

“Hi,” he says with a huge grin and wide eyes. He has a bow tie and sheer shirt on, Louis knows exactly who dressed him.

“Nice cuff links Louis,” Harry says winking at him from behind.

Louis winks back. They are nice and they were a present so Louis is just being a good person here. He isn’t wearing them for any particular reason.

“Frankie Stanford, meet Harry Styles,” Louis says presenting the girl next to him. He watches the corners of Harry’s mouth move up in a small smile.

Frankie is small, has an angelic face with a wispy feathered fringe. He watches Harry try to not roll his eyes at Louis, “You can’t be serious,” he murmurs under his breath.

“Of course I am, just as serious as you are Harold dear,” Louis says linking his arm between George’s.

“A knock off really?”

“I’m standing right here,” Frankie says waving a hand about.

“-Like you didn’t get me your clone,” Louis bites back. Great minds think alike.

Harry tacks on a smile at the end happy his point has been proven and says politely, “Have a good night Louis.”

And Louis is left standing in a corner with Harry 2.0 watching him walk off.

 

The date couldn’t go worse. Louis looses him within fifteen minutes before they can even try and get a good conversation or a drink in. (He won’t admit it but he may or may not have been watching Harry when George slipped away.)

He looks behind tall snow covered trees and skirts around the edges of big marshmallow dresses looking for a curly head. He finds the wrong one.

Louis is about to duck behind a suit wearing waiter but Harry sees him. Louis’ only prize is that Harry looks equally puzzled.

“Terrible hiding spot,” he says looking down at Louis on his crouched knees. He leans up and punches him in the arm, his knuckles are left with glitter stains.

“What have you done with my date?” Louis asks.

Harry replies, “I’m not sure think I’ve lost her.”

“I mean _my_ date, what did you do with him?” Louis says folding his arms and arching his neck up.

Harry seems confused. “Nothing.”

Louis huffs out a breath before Harry laughs out, “We both lost them.”

Louis tries to scan the room annoyed he lost his date and that he has somehow ended up here with Harry once again.  He is seriously contemplating stealing Zayn, Niall and Liam away from their dates to start a search plan or instigate a date stealing plan. And then Harry starts laughing.

“Ah Lou, you might want to see this,” he says turning his shoulder around.

Louis can’t help the way his mouth drops upon seeing his date pressing Harry’s up against the wall in a quiet corner.

“Well this is awkward-“

“Shut up,” Louis says pulling away from him and walking toward them like walking toward a mirror. They don’t even have the decency to stop making out with each other with Louis is standing right in front of them.

“This is the strangest out of body experience ever. Hey!” he says, clapping his hands together for good measure. They pull apart.

“What?” Frankie says with red stained lips and flushed cheeks.

“I don’t think you get it, you’re our dates. Explain this!”

George tilts his head to the side looking from Louis to Harry and back again. “It got a little tiring standing around watching you two eyeing each other up from across the room-“

“So we got talking over the punch table,” Frankie adds.

“And here we are!” he finishes pecking her on the cheek and taking her hand.

“But your just less pretty version of me,” Louis scoffs. “And he is a knock off of him.”

“We were as surprised as you guys are!” she says as parting advice before they sneak back off to probably continue what they started hand in hand.

“That was very rude,” Louis says huffing about. He is never doing something nice like trying to set someone up with a date ever again. He turns around frustrated to look at Harry laughing and smiling at him.

“It’s not funny Styles,” he says trying not to copy him. “Even our doppelgangers can work it out and we can’t.”

“It is a bit,” he says motioning his fingers together to shown an inch.

Louis is about to smile before he remembers he has no date now and an entire night ahead of him. He frowns, “Excuse me, I need to go steal someone’s date.”

But before he can move Harry is reaching out toward him. “No,” he says timidly as ever.

Louis flinches at the contact. “You heard them,” he tacks on. Louis can tell his is trying to not blush or come off embarrassed. He is failing in typical Harry fashion.

“You think we should be each other’s date for the last two hours! I don’t think so,” Louis says trying to come off and mean and scare him away. He doesn’t want to do this. He can fight it. Before he can even control his mind and steer clear of the Harry danger he is hurling toward it.

“We all know I’m your one and only,” Harry says stepping toward him.

“I think you mean I’m _your_ one and only,” Louis replies cutting him off. He isn’t wrong.

“Dance with me,” Harry says instead. And, _what_? “Dance with me,” he repeats, more sure this time.

“What is the point Harry?” Louis says again. He can think of a million reasons not to do something stupid like that and not one that tells him it’s a good plan. “We’re never going to be like any of them.”

“True,” Harry murmurs, “It’s not for us. But I wouldn’t change us, not if it meant losing what we have.”

Louis thinks it’s a lovely romantic thing to say, but meaningless. “What do we have? Can you tell me that?”

“We have tonight.”

Louis gulps down a breath. They have gotten so close in the last minute he is practically breathing Harry’s air.

“So shut up,” Harry says shyly, reaching down to find his fingers and intertwine them together. “And dance with me.”

Louis makes Harry nervous. Louis makes most people nervous and revels in it. He wants to bottle this one up and keep it warm tucked into his chest for rainy days. He threads his fingers between Harry’s and clutches them tight, stilling their movement and raising his eyes to meet Harry’s reflecting back at him.

Louis nods once, not saying a word before their conjoined hands pull them toward the dance floor. The first thing Louis does is start to lead Harry, if he is sure of anything it’s that he has the upper hand in that field. Harry falls into his embrace following his guidance and putting his hands where Louis places them.

The music is painstakingly slow, and there are tiny fake snowflakes falling everywhere between the fairy lights. It’s too romantic to not get immediately caught up in each other. They don’t talk. There isn’t much to say, all that has been said and done before can’t be rehashed tonight. It doesn’t seem right under the lights and between the other slow moving bodies.

They do get tired though, and after a few songs Louis desperately wants to get his mouth attached to Harry’s in a dark corner or maybe just run away from here altogether in the back of a limo and away from everyone’s piercing eyes.

Louis takes his hand and wanders them away from the crowds. But before they can sneak off and maybe just savour their state of peace and neutrality Zayn is bumping into them a hurry of limbs and wild eyes.

“I’ve been looking for you everywhere,” he says to Harry, Louis gets pushed out of the way and then Zayn is saying, “There’s been an accident.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis knows home when he feels it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this has been a monster of a thing to write, i don't really even know if i am that happy with it so be kind. 
> 
> IMPORTANT: there are multiple mentions of throwing up / vomiting in the chapter in passing. one mention refers to forcing someone to vomit (and very slight implied eating disorders to do with this) be warned and be safe :)
> 
> ps. i know this has been a terribly long wait and thank you for sticking by me. i promise i'll be better from now on xx

“Everyone grieves in different ways,” someone says on Louis’ right hand side. He sips his orange juice in silence ignoring them all chatting and turning the cogs of the house. People mill around and Louis’ mother and Dan seem to be choosing flowers or trying to communicate with Louis with little success.

He wants to do neither of those things. He bites his bagel and flicks his eyes to his phone. It’s still empty. Like everything else in the world at this moment. That isn’t even being melodramatic. Life literally feels in every aspect like it’s a black hole.

“Louis, nobody grieves in the same way,” Jay says cupping her palm to his cheek. It’s a cold hand but he gets the meaning behind it.

Accidents happen. People die. Hurt people get ruined more. Life sucks. We are only human. It’s a fragile form.

“He shouldn’t be alone,” Louis says putting his bagel down suddenly disgusted by its sight.

Accidents happen. Limo’s get hit by trucks as they speed down streets. Your perfect moment gets fractured by reality. Nothing is perfect in the end anyway. Someone’s world crumbles beneath them. And then you are left in the dark watching the person you love walk away and not return.

 Louis picks his phone up pressing redial again. Maybe Harry will just answer, maybe he will let someone, _anyone_ in. It doesn’t even ring.

“Tricia told me he is at the hotel Louis, you know that. He is alive in there, they keep sending up food,” Jay says kindly and quietly as to not cause a stir in the room. This isn’t the type of thing she wants to talk about. Nobody wants to talk about Harry.

They want to talk about menus and wakes, music and hymns but not the broken and battered. They don’t talk about the causalities.

Louis pulls his chair out from under the table and pushes away from her grasp. He takes his phone and his food and scampers out of the room escaping the overwhelming smell of flowers and fake sympathy. He wants to cry and he wants to throw up but he can’t do either. Both of those acts seem too self serving.

He calls Zayn instead. He picks up on the first ring.

“Hey,” he says, sounding like he is in an empty room. Similar situation and feeling probably.

“Hi,” Louis replies. He closes his door behind him.

“I’m looking alright,” Zayn says desperate, unsure if that will disappoint Louis or not.

“Look, he won’t like us but this is his father’s funeral he needs to be there,” Louis says confidently. He feels everything but self assured in this moment. He can’t be weak right now, he needs to be a strong hold.

“You have to come help me.”

Louis runs a hand over his face and tries to stop himself from punching a wall or tearing something apart. He can’t talk to anyone because the one person he needs to talk to won’t talk to anyone. How do you be strong when the one that makes you strong stumbles?

“I know. He’s at the Palace. I’ll be there,” Louis says trying to regain his composure. He can do this, he can be there and he can fix it. His chest aches at the overwhelming desire to admit his true feelings to himself. This is running a lot deeper than he can allow it to.

He can feel his chest thumping. It’s beating out a steady rhythm saying, _you love him you love him._ “I’m leaving now, wait for me.”

The reality is love doesn’t fix anything.

“I will,” Zayn breathes out, before Louis is shutting his phone off and grabbing his suit jacket from its hanger.

 

If anyone knows how to be sneaky it is Louis and Zayn. Louis knows exactly where room 1812 and it isn’t rocket science that he will be able to get to the door just not _through_ the door into the room without a key. You just need a charming smile.

“You knock,” Zayn mumbles, stepping back and away from the hotel room door.

Louis crosses his arms and frowns. He tries to remember this isn’t about him, he shakes it off and raises his fist in a quick thump that echoes down the hall.

The hotel has a strangely eerie vibe about it today, and it isn’t just from all the black flowers in the lobby. 

Nobody answers the door. Louis tries again but harder. He doesn’t want to resolve to grovelling and a tiny bit of doubt seeps into him, maybe they were wrong and he isn’t here. Harry could be halfway around the world now without even a hint of remorse or goodbye.

Louis turns to look at Zayn who looks just as anxious as he does, even with his perfectly done hair and suit. The only thing that hints at his imperfection is the deep dark circles around his eyes and his sunken cheeks.

Louis raises his fist again and knocks just for the sake of it. He opens his mouth but before he can get a word out he hears footsteps being dragged across the floor. He has never been more relieved.

The hotel door swings open, the inhabitant not taking their time to check the peep hole or ask any questions. Louis is met when the blank empty eyes of Harry Styles.

He leans against the door frame, wearing a shirt that only has one button done up and a straight suit jacket. Dressed in all black it mirrors and reflects his sallow and cold shifty eyes.

“I don’t need you,” he mumbles incoherently staring back and forth between Zayn and Louis. He looks like a scared animal, like if Louis were to speak he would scamper away and hide under the bed.

“Harry,” Zayn says, braver than Louis.

Harry visibly flinches and pulls back, his hand’s grip on the door frame faltering. “It wasn’t me,” Harry whispers. He stares at Zayn intensely. “If I- where did he go?” Harry continues inherently making no sense at all.

His bottom lip trembles and Louis snaps out of his self absorbed coma. He can’t afford to be like that.

He doesn’t speak he just leans forward and grabs hold of Harry’s arm pulling him up and stopping him from slumping onto the floor. Harry tries with the smallest effort to pull away but he fails, he just allows himself be steadied.

Louis looks over his shoulder at Zayn and motions for him to help. He grabs onto the other side of Harry and they, with some effort, pull him toward the unmade bed.

The room is a mess and Louis isn’t surprised. If anyone does downward spirals it’s emotional compromised teenagers, and if anyone does spirals in style (hence the cash, remnants of illegal substances and smashed bottles from the mini bar) it’s the people they know.

“I did it didn’t I?” mumbles Harry into his closed fists pressed against his eye lids.”Did it to her, did it to him. Disappointment.”

“You didn’t do anything,” Louis says pulling them away from his face and forcing him to look at him. His eyes don’t even verge on tears, they are still so cold and bitterly dry. “You need water and food. And you need to stop this,” he says motioning to the dark room.

Zayn grabs a clean glass when he can find one and moves toward the bathroom. Harry’s entire body seizes up and he tries to pull away from Louis. He lets him go.

“Don’t talk to me like that,” he shouts. His hands shaking. “You have no idea,” he spits out.

“Fine,” Louis says stepping back and raising his palms. “Go to your _father’s funeral_ a drunken mess, or just don’t go at all.”

“Don’t talk to me like that either,” he shouts again, repeating himself probably without even realising.

The thing is, Harry holds his liquor exceptionally well. You tend to learn that when you start at such a young age. Louis can tell the signs. He isn’t that drunk, probably a little high and he definitely has been drinking and if that mark on his neck is any indicator he has been doing other activities, it’s all in his head.

 It’s grief. It’s dark bitter grieving and the stabbing effects of trying to grieve alone. It is the side affect of locking yourself away literally and metaphorically. And the sour taste of someone thinking you’ll never get to try and prove your worth again. That is the ache of disappointment.

Louis crouches down and kneels before Harry. He places a tender palm on his wobbling knee. “You need to listen to me Harry,” Louis says as he grabs Harry’s feet and pulls his shoes off their wrong foot. He straightens his socks and puts them back on the correct feet. That will make walking easier.

Harry stops talking after that. He just heads Louis’ advice and stares at the wall. He occasionally tries to punch a pillow and mumbles his thoughts that fill up his mind while Louis fixes his buttons and tries to tame his hair.

Zayn mumbles something about Louis being too good at this when he returns with three glasses of water and as many snacks as he can find. Louis knows he probably stood awkwardly waiting by the door not wanting to interrupt Harry and Louis for a while. He is sort of glad he did.

Harry shakes his head at the glass before taking it and drinking it as quickly as he can, just to prove a point that he doesn’t think he needs it. It’s when Louis hands him the second that he protests.

“Harry, just drink it,” Zayn says, checking the time again and again. He is supposed to already be there, he is supposed to be with his family (but so is Harry, and Harry is family. And if no one is with Harry then that is where Zayn knows he is needed more.)

Harry stares at the wall with his jaw clenched.

“Hey,” Louis says shoving the glass into his hand. Harry doesn’t do anything but say, “No.”

“Maybe we should just leave him,” Zayn sighs. They can’t force this.

Louis shoots him daggers. “He needs to show his respect, this is his father.”

“Respect,” Harry laughs. “My father wasn’t shown any of that.”

“What is he talking about?” Zayn says staring at Louis as if he has the answers. Harry refuses to look at them.

“He isn’t making any sense, who knows,” Louis sighs, he grabs Harry and forces him to look at him. “Don’t make me stick my fingers down your throat for old times sake. Zayn can hold back your hair.”

He drinks the three glasses of water (the look of pure hatred Louis gets for saying it might haunt him forever, but it is the first emotion he sees).

 

When they have to drag Harry out of the limo onto the church door steps Niall and Liam are right there pulling him up and trying to make it all seem normal. It isn’t.

Louis does his best to make sure none of the prying eyes of reporters and lenses capture it. They would all do anything to for a bite in the decline of one of New York’s wealthiest families. And they would relish at a downward spiral, orphaned teen or not, vultures live for that kind of easy picking.

Harry doesn’t talk to anyone anyway.

“Sit with your family,” Louis says, holding his hand tight as it stops its shaking. “Let’s sit with Zayn’s family.”

They don’t sit with them. Louis takes it as a silent reminder that maybe he really is Harry’s family. He knows home when he feels it. And the clutch of Harry’s palm and his erratic heart beating in his finger tips while he refuses to stop looking at the ground is a comfort of home he knows they can both feel.

 

Wakes are uncomfortable. Death is uncomfortable, but that isn’t the point. Wakes are difficult enough without Harry on a war path. He sits next to Louis and Niall on sofa and every time someone even looks at him he has to adjust his multiple rings and clench his fists. Louis tries with no success to offer him food after snack after drink.

“You’re down right maternal, it’s sweet,” Niall tells Louis.

Louis rolls his eyes.”Me, sweet? No. I’ve just been spending too much time with Ben and I’m turning Jewish.”

Harry keeps watching for someone or something and feeling for something in his pocket. Louis tries to hand him more food.

Harry abruptly stands up, Louis copies dropping his things. “Where are you going?”

“I’ve got to do something,” he says walking away. “Can’t stay in here.”

Louis steps to follow after him but Niall holds him back. “Let him breathe,” he says quietly.

He is right, Louis thinks as he watches Harry ascend the stairs. He holds himself back and settles. He can’t smother him as much as he really wants to. It isn’t healthy and it isn’t what Harry wants or needs.

“Have you seen Zayn?” he asks Niall quietly over the sounds of soft piano and chatter mixed with sobbing from people he has never seen before.

“Not since we left the church,” Niall replies.

When Harry returns he walks straight out the door but not before Louis can spot him. He is out of his seat before Niall or Liam can try and hold him back.

“Louis,” they plead in unison.

“No,” Louis says tugging free from them, “I can’t let him leave.”

They let him go and he walks out of that piano filled room as quickly as possible ignoring their stares.

“Harry,” Louis says through the lobby, it echoes back at him. He tugs the doors open and steps out onto the streets of Manhattan. It does seem like the city has kept on breathing without them.

Harry doesn’t turn back and keeps walking, slouched over and gangly arms carrying him. He tries to shove his coat on to the best of his ability.

“Wait,” Louis says as he reaches him, reaching an arm out to grab at him like maybe if he just touches again he won’t disappear (which is the thing he fears most, not for himself, but for Harry again).

“Don’t leave your family,” Louis tells him softly.

Harry turns his head finally, letting go of the car door. He has that same empty stare again and a slightly cut bottom lip. Louis tries not to recoil.

“Harry-“

“They aren’t my family, I have no family Louis,” he spits, less venom than he probably thinks he has. Louis can see through it so easily. He doesn’t want Louis to know he cares. But Louis knows Harry.

“You’ve got me,” Louis says pulling at his jacket. “What happened?” he asks hesitantly, reaching a finger out to touch his bleeding lip.

Harry recoils and Louis loses his grip on him. “When are you going to get it? You are not my boyfriend,” Harry bites. He punctuates every syllable so it digs deep and pulls up a fleshy wound.

Stop trying to play the game. Stop trying to play the role.

“I am me,” Louis says coolly. “I’ve always been me, and you’ve always been you.”

Harry averts his gaze.

“I’ll always be me and you will always be you, Harry Styles. And we will always be _us_ ,” Louis says will full gaining confidence. He has no fear now and he has nothing to lose.

“The darkest things we do and the worst things we think, I’ll stand by you through it. Always.”

“And why would you do that?” Harry asks bitterly. He implies that he wouldn’t and he implies that Louis is foolish to say those things with such confidence. He is wrong, Louis knows it. Not only would Louis never leave no matter how hard he tried or wanted to, Harry wouldn’t leave either.

“Because, I love you,” Louis breathes out. He nods to Harry’s disbelieving eyes.

The grey green seems to flash bright for a moment. It gives emotion that Louis hasn’t seen since they danced between snowflakes. But it’s there and it lights up.

Despite all of Louis better judgement he knows it is love.

“Well,” Harry stutters, his eyes watering and losing their colour. They turn murky like a storm water drain. His bottom lip turned redder than normal trembles and he bites out, soft and fragile, “That’s too bad.”

It’s not like the thought didn’t cross Louis mind.

Harry slams the car door shut in the blink of an eye. It’s like before Louis can even blink Harry’s brown head and flooding eyes are shrouded by black tinted windows.

Louis doesn’t understand.

He steps back from the curb as the black sleek car pulls down the road and into the traffic. He can’t do that. He can’t listen and stay and then leave.

It feels like something yanks at Louis chest fisting at his heart. It wells up his throat and before he feels it he knows. He is crying down his cheeks, dropping onto the concrete and splattering into this never ending mess they keep leaving behind.

The worst thing is he didn’t even regret it.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading (one chapter or all of them!) You can find me at tumblr here: itiswhatitisbutterfly.tumblr.com (◕‿◕✿)


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